How do you balance work and caring?

Follow
Share

I don't have children but I imagine my question is something parents also struggle with - how to balance work/career and family/parenting/caregiving. I sometimes feel I am sacrificing my work by taking care of my mother, who lives with us. I spend every weeknight with her and a good chunk of every Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I worry that I am sacrificing my future just to sit and watch tv together. We were never close and this is the most time I've spent with her since I left a crowded home (I have 5 siblings) about 30 years ago. Have you found ways to accept this role in your life and still set goals outside of caregiving?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
18

Answers

Show:
I am going to seek a psychiatric consultation. It is so horrible hard to work and be a caregiver. You do have to know when enough is enough and put one's loved one in a nursing home. I feel way too much guilt to do it so to the doctor I go :) This certainly a journey which is extremely painful at times to go through, especially alone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Jinx4740, that is certainly how it feels! It's scary!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Most people don't have "careers," we have jobs with paychecks so we can survive. A caregiver in an ordinary family will end up broke and on welfare because it's not easy to get a job when you haven't had one for even a few years.

It's great to say caregiving is a worthy job, and also to say that people should be responsible for supporting themselves, but a caregiver is committing financial suicide ion this country. I guess the patriotic thing is to drop dead at full retirement age and not collect SS.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Wow, that felt good! ;)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree and am sick of that same persons attitude. I wish she would take her self righteous, judgemental, condescending CRAP and find another site where she can feel superior because she is a NURSE! STHU!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I am the caregiver of my elderly Mother of 86. I am the middle child with an older and a younger brother. My step-father died 2 years ago and I moved my Mother from St. Louis to Kansas City to be with my husband and I. My Mother has Parkinson's disease and some memory loss amongst other things. I work a full-time job fortunately as a Corporate Travel Consultant in our home. The days are long and my Mom and I don't always see eye to eye but she is better now then ever and I will keep her out of a nursing home for as long as I can. You mention other siblings. I and I alone totally care for my Mother but on that needed occassion my older brother comes from St. Louis for about a week to be with our Mom so my husband and I can rekindle our marrige ( a 2nd and blessed one for me). If I had to do this all over again I would do it in a heart beat. Remember when the plane is going down and the oxygen masks drop you MUST put it on you first and then you can help others. If you fall apart no one is helped. Hang in there my dear don't listen to the guilt trips absolutely find time for yourself. I have found my Mom likes getting a pedicure. Off we go in the wheel chair and I get my nails done too. We took her in her wheel chair to the Arboreteum. It was delightful! Remember we too will be there someday and if she is like my Mom she is very lonely so I include her wherever possible in the family activities. I too watch TV with Mom on week nights but at 9pm I spend an hour with my husband before we retire for the evening. When you are dividing up time in your home remember yourself as a memeber too! Take care
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My sister and I do a lot of caregiving for our mother but we are lucky in many aspects. She lives in assisted living and can afford to do so, which enables us to continue to both work full time. We have home helpers that we pay to come six days a week for two hours at a time to ensure more care for her, because like most assisted living places, the care isn't all that hands-on or proactive. We work out a schedule where we see her 4-5 times a week. We take turns taking her to church and lunch on Sundays, and give oursleves Saturdays off. We are very lucky in that our mother is very sweet and only has mild dementia. Her speech was greatly affected by a stroke which is why we are very diligent about seeing her often and having home helpers we pay keep us posted and help with her daily care. Even with all this, it's still very hard so I give you snaps for having your mom live with you. It sounds like your other siblings aren't in the care picture? I know this is common, but you will find that you will feel better knowing you are doing the right thing by taking care of her. If you can enlist their help, however, that will lighten the load a lot. If you can afford it, hiring home helpers to come for a few hours or more a week to give you a break is great. You can find affordable ones that are good. We use a service called Home Helpers in NW Indiana but I think they have various locations all over. I wish you all the best.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I've looked at AL but the costs are just a tad out of reach for the places I've looked at. Or they tell me that she will get a veteran's benefit (my dad was in the military for 3 years in the 60s) but first she must move in and then they can confirm the benefit and no one has the money to float her while they figure that out. There might be something in her price range somewhere in the state but not where any family live.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with most of the above. Please....do not judge what you do not know. Many of us have busted our butts trying to do it all, so do not say our loved ones are not our priority. And tv is NOT the only thing I do with her at night. Sometimes just sitting with her and keeping her company is what it's all about. I do not 'plop' her in front of the tv and do other things. Sometimes I walk with her, sometimes we go places together. I do what I can. I'm sorry...I get upset when I hear the judgment speech.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It infuriates me when some people are so self-righteous and judgemental, you know who you are! For God's sakes we need support not recrimination. What a horrific thing to say to someone in pain, that they are indirectly put "selfish" Thinking of herself is the priority, if she does not she is going to crack up under the pressure. Seems like a nun is part of the resume along with the other bs credentials. Buzz off and go proselytize on some stupid soap box elsewhere, you have the sensitivity of an alligator.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions