My mom lives in a small town that has minimal service for the elderly. Her Alzheimers has progressed to where she does not remember anything short term at all. We are looking to move her from Florida to Arizona and have her live with my brother. She would never agree to this move but I might be able to get her to go visit. I can't imagine going to visit someone thinking I will return and then not being allowed to come back home. It seems wrong on many levels but it has gotten to the point where she can not be by herself. Thinking about this, it is something that we need to do.
I am just a little confused about how to approach this. Should I tell her and be honest or take her from her home without giving her the truth?

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Do whatever you have to do to get her moved. I'd start out lying in a heartbeat to get her somewhere safe.
Helpful Answer (2)

Is your brother educated about dementia?

Does he have medical/financial POA for your mother?

Will she be going to an Adult Day Program?

Does he have homecare set up?

Will your mother be paying for all this?

Caregiving is draining and expensive...

Make sure Mom sees an Eldercare Atty in Arizona!!

If your brother is willing to do this then he needs to be compensated..
Helpful Answer (3)

I agree with both Windy and Blannie. If something happened to her while she's living alone here, you might likely blame yourself, wishing you had made the difficult decision to move her.

There have been posts here about people with dementia not turning off the stoves, another accidentally disabled a toilet function and caused a water overflow....anything could happen, and it could be much, much worse.

So think that this move should provide her with a much safer environment.

There's another possibility; arrange to have some of her favorite things shipped to your brother's house while she's in transit. If she seems them, it might help orient her when she arrives there, and she might not even realize she's not at home...depending on the stage of her Alzheimer's.

And work with your brother to find easy tasks that she can do, like helping with the laundry, so that she really, really feels needed when she arrives.
Helpful Answer (3)

Is there any way you could frame it that your brother needs her help (he's stressed and she can help calm him or she can help him clean his place or some made up reason)? And that help could last until she won't remember that she has a place to go back to in FL. I'd approach it with some kind of story that will cause her to expect to stay for a while...
Helpful Answer (3)

It could be very stressful for her but I think you have to consider the lesser of the two evils. If your brother is willing and able and she would get good care it may be worth the move. I don't think a little fibbing would hurt. Maybe a visit that lasts a long time.
Helpful Answer (5)

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