My Aunt is in assisted living. Last summer after she returned home from a fall, hip break, and surgery, I hired a visiting angel to be with her for the afternoon and evening as she has no self motivation and short term memory loss. It has been successful until recently. We had to change weekend caregivers and the bad weather has meant some angels couldn't come, and the agency seems to send a different person on the weekend days.
I live 60 miles away and can't be there to meet all the angels and keep an eye on things. I've been in touch by phone and go up there once a week.
Recently there was another fall. Nothing broken. But a mental decline again.
She did not go to rehab, but needs a wheelchair. The angels came all of her waking hours for a week, then we went back to the afternoon and evening shift.
Still lots of new faces. Last week doctor appts made it necessary for me to be there two days in a row. I was on the phone and heard arguing in the bathroom. The facility caregiver had treated my Aunt in a way that upset my aunt. I had just found this same caregiver had forgotten to take my aunt to lunch that day. I also knew my aunt had missed lunch the week before, and I had twice reminded the nurse that my aunt's care required that she be escorted to meals. After the bathroom incident I told them that caregiver was not to be paired with my aunt under any circumstances.
Aunt is upset now. She doesn't want to see anyone, let anyone in her room and won't even accept her favorite companion and caregiver.
My aunt needs someone with her but how do I stabilize this situation? How do I get there often enough to check on her.
How serious is it to move her? My stepfather only lasted two months after I moved him, his decline was dramatic and shocking. (He went from home to memory care).
Do I have to give up my job and my friends and move to where she is? (I could live in her house, which is empty).
I'm single and have no help. My aunt's weekday caregiver will stop and check on things when she is out and about. But clearly my aunt had been neglected and manhandled by a staff person for several weeks before I knew it. And the caregiver was fretting over the lunch issue and hadn't seen the other problems.
My Aunt can't tell me when things happen. But right now she is seriously feeling unsafe and combative. Even with her favorite caregiver. And even with me. I spent one day with her last week, and she was clingy and wanted lots of hugs. She told me over and over how much she loved me. She was just feeling safer and cared for. It broke my heart.
Is it time to move her to a memory facility? Do I hire someone to be with her all waking hours, but then who monitors them?
Can somebody help me think this through? Bless you.