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She won't take any reasons.The problem is her home is very far away (different country). I said for the moment no seats are avalaible and maybe after winter. But she got angry and it's ridiculous to her mind if seats are fully booked until next summer. Anyone can suggest reasonable reasons why she can't travel now? If I said medical clearance are required by airlines not to travel alone regarding her condition, so she has to wait until summer (because that's the free time I can go), will it work? Of course, I just made that up. I want to try the Validation theory with her. She just ignores me if I keep reminding her that she has a condition and needs a companion to travel. She was a very independent single person who used to travel alone. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thank you

Please don't take this wrong, its just curiosity. Why was she allowed to travel from her home country with her problem? Was it thought she'd stay permanently with family? You do realize that she is not entitled to any services here in the US, where I am assuming you are. Why can't someone take her home now? Things could get worse suddenly and then there is no option and no help here.

I think everything you have done has been good. Its just that Dementia patients get fixated on something and don't let it go. You cannot reason with them. They have lost that ability. She is in a strange place. Change is hard for Dementia people.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'm not quite clear about this. Do you not want her to go back to her home at all? Are you trying to put off the idea permanently? Or is the problem about timing, ie waiting until it is more convenient for you to arrange it? If it is simply about arranging a companion for the trip, have you tried any other option beside yourself? I am pretty sure you can do this, with a contribution to the fare for someone who is going anyway and will take on the care needed for your aunt's trip.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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The emailing her old friend sounds like an excellent idea and you could print out the response so she could refer to it when she forgets. Maybe calling her old friend could make her feel better?
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CookieOreo Oct 13, 2018
Thank u! We will try to hook them up on the phone. Great idea indeed!
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Is it realistic that she can go back in the summer? Is it her intention to return there permanently? Is that realistic?

This "I want to go home" business is common, but the fact that home is in another country gives it a different twist.

Is her "real" doctor (the one at home) likely to cooperate? Would he send her a letter saying, "Dear Mrs. Patient, I am looking forward to seeing you again in June, when your relative will be able to travel with you. For now, I would like to see you take medicine x and y and we will reconsider that when I examine you in June. I hope you are enjoying your stay in New Country."

Of course, if that doctor doesn't agree with the medication or the diagnosis or doesn't want to endorse some other doctor's treatment plan, that could be sticky. But even just hearing from him that he is looking forward to seeing her might cheer her up.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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CookieOreo Oct 13, 2018
I think im beginning to understand ur idea ...
She didn't familiar with her old doctor, cannot remember, but her bestfriend always there with her when she was at her home country.
And they emailed each other all the time, but after she was here (about 3 months), her friend stopped email her, we thought maybe she could forget "home" and anything that attach/ can bring back her memory about home.

Now I'm thinking maybe I can ask her friend to email her again about going home thing ..

Thank u for the idea!
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How about
sorry, I can't get time off work to take you right now
the doctor won't clear you to fly... yet
we can't afford the tickets, let's put a little aside each week/month until we've saved enough
And redirect - tell me something about what/who you remember from back home.

The sad reality is that people with dementia want to "go home" but even when that is a possibility it is often not the actual place they are longing for, instead it is a memory of a time when they were younger and friends and family that have long gone (parents, spouse, young children) were still a part of their lives.
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Reply to cwillie
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CookieOreo Oct 13, 2018
Thx for the reply!

Contradicting, correcting/ reminding gently, and even divertings won't do for nows ...
She became aggressive.

She wants to fly now.

Im thinking maybe if her best friend talked to her about visiting her n accompanied her to go back home, might calm her down. I dunno
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"Oh, Auntie, I know how much you want to go home; we need to talk to the doctor about that. THE DOCTOR says that you have to wait until you're stronger". "Yes, I'll make an appointment right now to see him next week so you can tell him that you're strong enough right now".

Are there any storms, earthquakes, civil unrest in her home country? Can you trade back and forth between that and "the doctor says"?

Don't remind her of "her condition". Her brain is broken. Use validation of her FEELING (wants to go home) and therapeutic fibbing about why she can't.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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CookieOreo Oct 13, 2018
The doctor she believes is the one in her country. She just here with me and my family for 3 months.
We even had to dissolve her new meds on her food/ drink, because she refuses to take meds from the new doctor over here.

No disaster happenned in her country.
She just want to go back now, and got angry why cannot now.
We gave her the itinary and it stated June 2019. At first she got stressed about going back without having a winter jacket, the jacket was the thing.
But now she doesn't care, she just wants to fly now. She keeps saying her home is there, that she still can read and has things to take care.

Please help me in details about the "lying" why she cant travel by plane/ go home now? Give me examples. I am blank.
Will it help if her old friend emailed her and said she would come n pick her up on summer?

Thank you so much for ur reply
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