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My family and I received a call from my father's physcian who told us that our father cancer is not operable and terminal. My father has one elderly sister(80) and daddy is 82. Along with the dr. advice ,My dad Children we are placing him in a nursing home with hospice. His sister is upset with us, I explained to her that we did not want him to be a burden to her, but we were placing him in a facility close to her, so she can visit with him. Our daddy is in Louisiana and we are in Florida, We wanted to bring him home to be with us, but the doctor said he is too weak and will not survive the ride, the tumor has spread. We are very devastated, and my aunt is blaqming me, what should I do.

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Is the aunt blaming you for putting him in a nursing home, or is she just looking for someone to be mad at that her brother is dying? Some people get mad when they get scared. I know that's my first reaction to someone scaring me, is anger.
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It sounds like your father's sister is angry about the fact that her brother is dying, and maybe the nursing home part too, but she is directing her anger onto you, which doesn't make sense at all. I wouldn't take her anger personally at all because you definitely did the right thing. Your concern now is not to please your aunt but to continue to take good care of your father, which you are. You could be kind to your aunt though and try to comfort her and pave the way for her to visit with her brother. So sorry you are seeing your father weaken and now be on hospice care. This is a stressful time for everyone. Take care...
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Your aunt's anger is irrational and she needs to learn to sooth her our emotions down, just don't you absorb them or she'll blow some F.O.G. into your life and play the victim role to your exhaustion. All you can reasonably do is to have done what you did for your dad and be civil with your aunt. Hopefully, hospice will be able to get through to your aunt, but if not know that you have done the right thing. Question? What has his and his sister's relationship been like over the years? It does not sound very close to me.
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Your aunt might not be aware that most nursing homes have changed over the years and when she goes to visit she may be surprised.
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You made the right decison having him near her so she can visit him often but will not have the burden of caring for him which probably would be too hard for her. If you get him on hospice they will be able to talk to her and probably will be able to her understand better-it is usually better for an outsider to help with the decisions and since he was too ill for long travel you did the right thing and in time she will probably realize this-do not accept the blame she is putting on you-you did what had to be done and if she wants to continue to argue you can calmly repeate that you did what was best for him and refuse to get into it with her.
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I wonder if your aunt is (partly) angry that she is only 2 years younger, and she realizes this could happen to her. Did she expect that one of you would move to LA and take care of him? My guess is she hates hearing the word "nursing home" and probably does not want to step foot in one. It sounds like you made the right decision. You have hospice and you did ask the doctor if you could move him closer to you. Take care and hope she sees that he is getting the best of care.
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