My 88 yr old Aunt has dementia. She controls her checkbook and bank card. I attempted many times to take control of her checkbook and card but, she refuses.Attempting to ask to be in control as her DPOA just causes relationship issues between the two of us. I stopped attempting because, it just causes problems that I don't need.I have enough problems taking care of her then asking for more.
I will try to explain the best I can,
My Aunt don't go anywhere. She stays home all the time. When ever she needs grocerys or spending money I'm the feller. When she wants spending money. She makes out a check for cash and has me take the check to the bank to cash it for her. As her DPOA I make sure she writes the checks out and signs them to be cashed.I sign the back as John Doe POA example. After I cash and give her her spending money example $300. She some how loses her money or misplaces it or maybe hides it I don't know. I could get her $300 today and tomarrow she loses it. With her dementia causes her to forget I even went to the bank for her.She is very demanding and she accuses at most times.
When it comes to her grocery shopping for her,
Some how she never has cash to give me for grocerys. So, she gives me her bank card to use at the grocery store for her shopping.When her bank statements comes in the mail. She wonders what is these card charges. I tell her it's from when you send me shopping using your bank card. With her dementia she refuses to remember the truth and makes me feel like a theft.
She forgot her 4 dight pin for her card so I have to swip it as credit everytime when I use it. The bank told me the only way we can change the pin to the card is to have my Aunt come in to the bank. It's hard to get her out to the doctor let alone to a bank. With her dementia she would just forget the pin anyway. So I've been using her bank card as credit when shopping for her groceries.
I'm worried? Am I ok by using her card this way? I do keep all recepts/records of all spendings. Am I ok? Can I get in trouble by doing this? I'm worried because with her dementia she forgets and in turn accuses me of spending without her permission when I don't. She gives permission then forgets later on down the road.I try to get her bank statements each month from her before she see's them so it don't cause arguing I'm tired of arguing with a 88 yr old lady with dementia.
My Aunt wrote a check out to cash the other day for $300 for me to cash to get her some spending money. Two days later she's broke has no money. Where did the $300 she had go who knows !She sends me to the bank again for another $300. That's $600 I drawed out of the bank for her in one week. I'm the feller going to the bank all the time. I'm getting worried. Do I need to worry?
It's her money. Not my money. But, I am her DPOA. Is what makes me worry about all of this. If I was asked where did the missing $300 go I wouldn't have a clue. I gave her the cash and she does I don't know what with it. If I attempt to ask her where is her money she feels I'm nosy and non of my business asking.
If she keeps losing or hiding money. Some day I maybe asked where did it all go. I wouldn't have a clue without ram sacking her house to find the missing money.
Here's my main concern,
What do say when she loses cash? Do I need to worry?
I feel I'm doing everything correct other then the Aunt hiding money.
The hided money will at some point will need to be called for won't it? then what?
As I'm her DPOA at her bank and using her debit card as credit.
Do I sign her name or my name after swiping the card? Sometimes my Aunt gives the bank card to my wife to shop for her. My wife signs my wifes name.
Can my wife be accuse or finger pointed if accused? I don't want to get in any trouble with this stuff down the road. Any advice?