My aunt has become abusive and falls a lot, our situation is no longer safe for us. What can I do?

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My aunt is 87 and appears to have dementia, she loses things and accuses others of stealing them, she drinks alcohol a lot, she falls and gets hurt she refuses to get needed surgery (swallowed a key) and when she falls will not go in ambulance to get checked over. I am currently injured (leg) and can not take care of her. How do I get her to a safe place?

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Sheila, I think this is getting to be a guardianship situation. EMTs in many cases are required to respect refusals of competent adults unless it is life or death right there and they are obviously delirious or psychotic. It is not an easy path but it can be a better one than allowing a person who really can't think straight to run things into the ground...maybe literally, rather than have at least a few years of a decent life, decent care, and ability to give and receive a little love.
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looloo, because for many of our loved ones that is not out of the ordinary. :)
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Howcome no one has asked yet how on EARTH she swallowed a KEY????
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Thank you all for your input. I will pass on all of the information. Thamk you all once again!
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I was in the same boat as your self.I became DPOA over my Aunt.Worse thing I ever did I will say.They all say once you become a POA you will never do it again and that is the truth.My Aunt refuse EMS as well as you explained you aunt is refusing treatment.Unless your willing to become guardenship of your aunt.There's nothing you can do to help her.Find another family member that would be willing to become her POA or Guarden since your leg is broke and can't do it.If any of you can't become her POA.Sign her over to the State and let the State deal with it.Harsh to hear the truth but,truth hurts sometimes.It's easy to say yes to a POA but,doing the job as POA is another.No money in the world would talk me into being a POA.You need to take your aunt to her doctor to see if she is compatent or not thats your first step.Call another family member to help.Good luck!
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sheila123, it may be true that a social services organization cannot force Auntie into a care center unless/until a crisis occurs. But it is also true that you mother has complete control over who lives in her home. If necessary your mother can serve eviction papers on Auntie. I know that no one wants to go down that path, but all parties should be aware that it is an option.

In effect, if Mom refuses to continue housing Auntie, then that in itself is a crisis for Auntie. She needs to be somewhere safe and have some services.

Perhaps the right agency to start with would be Adult Protection Services. Mom levels with them. "I love her. I want her safe. But it cannot be in my home. Can you help her? As much as is pains me, I am going to start eviction proceedings."

I am so sorry that the family is in this very hard situation. But Mom does not have to continue in this role. Auntie has rights, but so does Mom.
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First, let me make this clear. Someone who needs an ambulance doesn't get a choice. You call the ambulance and let the paramedics deal with her no-no-no. In other words, don't ask. Make the call.

Re surgery. That, unless she's obviously incompetent (and it doesn't sound as though she is), she has the right to refuse. I would think VERY few doctors would over-rule a patient who refused surgery at 87. The anesthetic alone is very detrimental; much less the risk of infection and the surgery itself.

If your mother chooses, she can re-contact that social worker and simply say, "I can't handle her anymore. She HAS TO GO!" The social worker will take it from there. If she is unwilling to do that? You're just banging your little head against a brick wall.
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Sheila, when auntie is abusive, you call the cops. You press charges for any aggression and she gets taken in for a psych eval. If mom won't do that, I would move O_U_T!
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My Mom does not want to "kick her out" she wants to have her in a nice safe place, but her home is not it.
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My mom is in touch with a social worker. It appears that something really tragic has to happen rather than preventing it in the first place. How is it that this is my mom's home, she invited my aunt to live with her after several othe rfamily member "kicked he rout" and now my mom has a physical disability and has been abused by my aunt but she can't "kick her out" ?
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