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My mom has dementia. Last week, my Aunt visited from out of town. She told me she got mom three new outfits (mom just got $600 of new clothes AND mom considers more clothes to make herself more secure) which I thought were gifts.


The next day, my sister (who lives out of town, but handles mom's money) got a text from my mom, this is strange that this is the first ever text my mom has sent anyone EVER. Perfect spelling and punctuation. So both of us are suspicious of the validity of the text.


She wants my sister to pay back my aunt $200 for the outfit and bras that do not fit my mom. My sister wants to pay it and be done with it. But at the very least we both think that we should put the aunt on notice that anymore UNAUTHORIZED will not be paid back.


I feel not only my aunt should not be paid back, that if she sent the text, that's ID theft and should be reported to the authorities.


My aunt thrives on drama, the fact that she's using my mother to help that need is putting a sour taste in my gut. There is no way this ends well.

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The only trouble returning them would be your aunts trouble.

tell aunt to send you the money and you will fedex them to her....otherwise...she will have to figure it out

no one asked for this. No one agreed to pay for this.

if some random company sends you product that you didn’t solicit, you are under no obligation to pay for it..or return it. She can figure it out since she created the mess
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Reply to Katiekate
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Pack it all up and send it all back and tell her please don’t buy your mother anything without consultation end of story
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Reply to PandabearAUS
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This is crazy. I would not pay her. It reeks of suspicion. Don’t pay it. Tell your aunt that your mom doesn’t need any new clothes. You will buy them if needed. Say that they don’t fit.

Tell her you are donating the clothes to charity. That should make her think twice before she thinks of another scheme.

Who asks for money for a gift? Did your mom request these clothes?

You already know that your aunt has created problems for your cousins so don’t allow her to wreck havoc in your lives.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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So were the clothes a gift? Or did you assume they were a gift? Is it possible your mom asked for them from your aunt but they didn't fit? What does, "...mom considers more clothes to make herself more secure" mean? If the aunt bought the clothes without anyone requesting them, regardless if they fit or not, the aunt is out of the money and the clothes. There are no conditions on a gift.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Send them back to her through the post office. Yes, it might cost a few dollars but you will be done with the drama.
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Reply to Rbuser1
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Let her think I'm stupid.

I took care of my dad, 20 years ago, while he had ALS. For the past 5 years, I've been taking care of my mom, while she had 4 strokes and stage four kidney failure and while I am on dialysis at the same time.

I go with her to all her doctor appointment and give my sister detailed reports.

I ask questions of mom's nursing staff, if there's a problem, I'm the one who fixes it.

I wasn't told to do this, I volunteered. Putting my life on hold to help. And in some cases, doing more than a handful just to take care of both of us.

Let everyone in my mom's family think I'm a idiot. I know the truth!
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Reply to syvyn11
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I would require that a receipt be provided for moms records, wouldn't want the POA in trouble for gifting.

I would spend the money to send the clothes back so they can be returned, it will be way cheaper then paying 200 bucks for clothes that don't fit.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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I agree with Lealonnie, text back and say the items didn't fit so SHE can return them. That in the future, if Auntie feels she needs to be reimbursed for something she purchased, then she must get an OK from the POA to buy it.

Who buys someone bras? Such a personal thing. I hated having to do it for Mom when she lost weight. It was so hit and miss. And she needed to wear one because she broke out without it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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syvyn11 Dec 5, 2019
Returning will be a trouble. My mom and myself live in Louisville, the aunt lives in Lexington and my sister (who has durable POA) lives in Atlanta. But I will tell my aunt that she needs my or my sister's approval from here on in.
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Is there any reason the unsuitable clothes can't be returned for a refund?

If your aunt bought them locally to herself, suggest she returns them. If she bought them in your area, perhaps you or your sister could.

I agree with you that it would be sensible for aunt to consult you before she goes to any further trouble in her efforts to help (phrase it something like that, thanking her for the thought but discouraging her from using her initiative again). But don't go down the road of accusing her of identity theft - life is too short, and goodwill too scarce, and I expect she had your mother's agreement to the text at the time.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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syvyn11 Dec 5, 2019
My Aunt lives in another city, but I just found out that she bought the outfits in Florida. So that's going to be a toughie. Mom and myself live in Louisville, sister lives in the south, not nearby.

Our aunt is now a empty nester. She caused her kids no lack of drama, now it seems that she wants her drama in our lives now.

I asked mom about the text. She had no knowledge about them.
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The jig is up..........there is no way your mother with dementia who's never sent a text before sent THIS text, with perfect grammar and punctuation, so you know it's a hoax. Not only would I NOT pay the $200, but I'd send a text back requesting the outfits be PICKED UP and RETURNED to the store for a refund, since they were not requested, nor do they fit. The text can also say that if the items are picked up immediately, no fraud charges will be filed since this is obviously a bogus text from your Aunt.

It's interesting that your Aunt thinks you're all stupid. But it's also important for her to realize you aren't!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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