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I am her healthcare proxy because she fell 3 yrs ago and broke her hip and the hospital where she was an inpatient suggested she fill out a health care proxy form. As her closest niece, I did agree to be her proxy. Although I am not her healthcare giver, My aunt has always lived independantly and is an extremely private person. She insists she can take care of herself. After returning from rehab for the hip fx she did allow some short term home healthcare. But she refused the idea of having continued help with bathing, med checks (she insists she knows what her meds are and when to take them) shopping, etc. For the past several I had been helping her make out bills, run some errands, etc. I have had her come to my home for special dinners and holidays. The day before Thanksgiving 2013 she phoned me and screamed at me and said she did not want me interfering in her business from that point forward. She would not take my phone calls. So, I have honored her wishes. Today I received a call from the manager of the facility where she lives. I was told my aunt had physically assaulted another female resident 2 days ago, Last night she wandered the halls in only her bathrobe and tried to get a male resident (she refers to him as her boyfriend) to let her into his apt. Hedid not let her in but did phone the managers. When management asked her to return to her own apt. she became very irritated and belligerent towards them. I explained the situation between myself and my aunt to the woman I was speaking with and said that there is nothing I can do. There are no other family members in the area who are willing to help. Because I am listed as the emergency contact for the independant living facility, the management feels it is up to me to speak with my aunt and explain to her how inappropriate her behavior is and that she is jeoprodizing her ability to stay there. I told them I have no contact with my aunt because that is what she wants...and if I were to show up there she would become even more irritated. They said they will keep an eye on her, but if she displays anymore of this behavior they will contact me and I will need to take action. ??? Does anyone know what I can do about this?

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If her behavior is starting to deteriorate and if the doctor doesn't find some cause that can be addressed, she might really have to go somewhere to get more care. It might not be a choice, any longer.

As for the IL asking you to talk to her, it sounds like she is beyond reason. What would you really say? I'm not telling you not to try, just pointing out that it's not reasonable of IL to ask you to try to reason with a person who is not reasonable. If she is beyond reason, not amount of talking is going to change things.
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Call her MD today and tell him all that has happened. Either she has a UTI (urinary tract infection), or the meds are off, or Alzheimers is advancing. You may have to transport her to the ER if this gets really out of hand. She won't be able to stay in IL like this, I hope it's something fixable.
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