Attention seeking Grandma getting too much. Any advice?

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She lost my grandad 2 years ago but is now running the family to the ground. My aunty and uncle go 6 days a week sometimes twice a day take her to appointments shopping etc I myself go 3 times a week and have work and 2 young children yet she calls my aunty and uncle blind, if we dont go on a scheduled day she kicks off that we dont care/love her shes got nothing to live for. If she has a rare day on her own she makes drs appointments and rings us to take her. Shes not housebound but will not go out, refuses to go to elderly gatherings to get her out. Refuses to eat if she doesnt get her way. Today she rang for an ambulance for herself and she is not ill. Its wearing us out and dont know what to do. I hace tried to tell her shes being unreasonable but ended up in her sceaming and crying. She wont help herself so how can we br able to help her :'(

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Its nice to know that others have had this we are not alone but horrible for you to ve going through it too. Before my grandad died she was the most amazing mama anyone could have always been so close. Feel like im grieving for a grandmother that I havent actually lost yet.
The paramedics didnt take her to the ER Im guessing they knew it was for attention. I go on certain days tuesday thursday and saturday its my poor aunt and uncle that get the brunt of it :-( they need to tell her no but she guilt trips then and my aunty feels its her duty. We thought the threat on a nh would shock her into change .... but no
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pam zimmrrt has the answer, and we actually had to do that. Let her go to the ER, tell her to call you when she is in a room. Deprive her of the audience, she wants everyone to show up and fuss over her. Just don't.
As for visiting, we took assigned days. We rescheduled her MD visits to fit OUR schedule, because she was also using this to manipulate us.
All this got better when we got her to try Assisted Living. They keep her busy and miraculously the maladies disappeared.
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She needs some limits set or she absolutely will run everyone ragged and has already been able to make herself into someone no one wants to live with. Her behavior has gotten her some immediate gratification, but at the cost of a real relationship. People only care for her because they feel forced to, and on some level she knows it. If she ever was capable of empathy for others she does not seem to be now. Geropsych eval, and the whole family uniting with a resounding NO, people who want to live independently can't constantly call begging for help and call 911 on a regular basis, would be very appropriate. This will not get better without intervention and with people totally reinforcing exactly the behaviors that no one can stand.
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If she called 911, and they took her? Let them keep her awhile.. no one go and pick her up. If she doesnt get the attention she may back off.
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Sounds like your aunt and uncle need to back off before they go under while trying to do all that they are doing. You are right, your mother is only thinking of herself.
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She lives alone in a bungalow. Shes not incapable of doing things for herself I think she doesnt want to. She is a little unsteady but the slip on wedges she wears does not help and when we suggest flat full shoes and maybe a frame she poo poos the idea!
Over her dead body would she go into a home we mentioned wardanated flats but she said no but if she wants 24/7 company thats the only way she'd get it. I feel she wants one of us to have her live with us but no one has the room or really want her living with them. Your right I have a four year old when she has a tantrum I behave how she is and she looks at me and says you look silly mummy, I say just like you .... I'll try that with mama lol
I dont pander to her all the time when she rings on days I dont go I tell her Im busy and cant go round, she just hangs up on me and continues to bother other family members till she gets company :-(
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You don't mention if she's incapable of doing anything for herself. What is her physical status? Does she live alone? Maybe she could move into a senior apartment situation where there would be things to do and other people to interact with. However, I agree that your family members are saying "how high" when your grandma says "jump". If everyone can communicate about setting some limits, then follow up, she would HAVE to ease up. She might scream a bit louder for awhile but once she sees it isn't working, she will possibly improve.
As long as her tactics are working, there's no motivation to change her ways. For comparison, think about how you get a toddler to stop throwing tantrums... you ignore them. No audience, less drama.
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I think mama is good at guilting us thats why we havent cooled off going round. Last week she said she has nothing to live for which makes us feel great! My mum is worried if we cut out a visit it would tip her over the edge... and mamas being cunning knowing full well thats why we havent.
Its draining my aunty and uncle and their daughter is concerned for their health, she says they hardly have a hot cooked meal anymore are drained and they are 60 and 63 themselves. I dont understand how mama cant see what shes doing to us but shes only thinking of herself
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It sounds like other than your mother that none of your grandmother's other adult children are of much help.

Well, you ended up not being selfish which is great and that means your mother did a great job in raising you. Your husband advice might be correct and evidently the children are tired of all of this draining on you.

Babalou has given you some good advice.
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My mama has 5 daughters, 1 hasnt been in contact for 15 years. My mum visits twice a week but works ft and works early the other 2 daughter are not muchhelp and visit when they feel like it. Most of it falls on my aunty whos retired but she had a daughter and new grandaughter too. She had 8 grown up grandchildren but only myself andmy cousin with the new baby visit. My husband says I should cut down days especially in the week going after work and the kids are tired.
Shes on antidepressants but I think its the way she is not depression any more. Shes been offered councilling on a few occasions goes once and says they cant help her... she doesnt give them chance! If we ignore her calls she just hounds us even more with calls and voicemails. Its upsetting as my grandad was ill for 20 years and never once complained was in pain every day there isnt anything wrong with mama and behaves like this .... I ask grandad every night to sort her out but the afterlife must be too good lol
She'd rang the dr this morning and because they wouldnt come out Im guessing thats why she called an ambulance. I know it must be aweful to loose your husband of 60 years but as we keep telling her we cant replace him and we are doing our best
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