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I feel abandoned by family and friends.. I know I NEED counseling but cannot afford it. Thought maybe a support group might be next best thing. caregiving for my Alcoholic narcissist mother for the last year and a half has changed me as a person. Hate the person I am becoming , Im full of resentment and just rage lately. She RUINED my childhood. I got out a SIXTEEN and made a wonderful life for myself and now she is ruining my life AGAIN. Shes on a waiting list for an apartment but it could still be 10 months before she goes. don't know how I will survive it .I have never felt more hopeless in my whole life.

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Not excuses. I have a year old granddaughter and told our mom that they already go to 3 places on holidays and she could spend it here with us if she wants too. My mom understands that. It's too much travel in one day for a little kid. That is over an hour away from all of us where our mom will be living. IF that's an excuse it's a good one.
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One solution that many have talked about on this site is if their parent (in this case) goes into the hospital, then when it's release time, you say they cannot come back to your home. The hospital discharge planner then has to find another place to put the patient. So if your mom has any reason at all to go to the ER, call 911 and have her taken to the hospital. Sneaky, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

And great job Countrymouse for cutting through the finger pointing between sister to clearly illuminate that mom has caused all of the hard feelings and hurt by not planning for her own senior years. We can all learn from these examples.
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Er, okay.

I would like to thank this family for showing all of us, and especially me, what can happen to a family when people don't take responsibility, or don't have the ability to do it, for planning their old age. Could be for any reason, blameworthy or otherwise, but the moral is that if you drop all responsibility for your welfare on your kids it can tear them up and tear them apart. Neither of you is explicitly blaming your mother for this conflict, but I do. Not that it matters whether she's to blame or not - she still needs looking after somehow, and you do still all care very much what becomes of her or you wouldn't be going through this.

Golflady, you're right, she knows nothing. But how could she? CVSM, you're right, you shouldn't take the blame for decisions you didn't control - but you have no idea, you couldn't have any idea, of the level of anger and panic your sister is feeling or the sheer 24/7 devastation her life is suffering right now. I know the blame feels unfair to you, but forgive it. The unfairness of what she's going through is enough to make anyone want to spread it around.

Please start again. If you were close before, then please start again.
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oh and notice all the EXCUSES she put in her post ??????? The PHONE IN DAUGHTER with lots of EXCUSES
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Oh yeah and by the way the sister up there making excuses has ALREADY told this mother that when she moves back to her own apartment that THIS sister isn't available for Christmas or Easter or holidays but she loves her so much and everything is so NORMAL you get the gist. PHONE IN DAUGHTER
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I go to a local support group, and it is a Godsend. Starts going when Mom moved in with us and wished I had started going years earlier. Still go even though Mom is now in assisted living. The strength and support I get is wonderful....just like the strength and support I get on here is wonderful. If there is one close to you that you can go to, GO.
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Notice how that sister trying to make excuses for everything picked herself out in these posts. I never named names but she KNOWS who she is. TRUTH HURTS . NOTHING BUT A MISERABLE PHONE IN DAUGHTER FULL OF EXCUSES. and as you can tell Im done here because Im being stalked.
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Keep it up crazy and I'll drop her right off your front porch tomorrow. Then you can have a dose of this non crazy mother you love so much. You haven't seen her in a year and let her stay with her crazy out of control daughter.
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WHATS SHES NOT SAYING IS MY MOM HAS BEEN IN HER JAMMIES 3 MONTHS OUT OF THE LAST 6. she knows nothing because shes one of the phone in daughters.... is it normal shes been in her jammies for 3 0ut of 6 monts. As you can tell this sister as just as crazy as the mom !!!!!!!! SHE KNOWS NOTHING .
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1golflady. I love you, I always will but as of now I don't think I would even want to see you again either, unless you stop accusing everyone of not lifting a finger.....there wasn't much anyone could do once mom was in TX and you know it.
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and everything here is the truth. I would take a lie detector over this. I am not taking the blame for our mother being in Texas anymore. Period. The truth needs to come out because the situation is getting worse and worse and worse by the day.
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Windyridge, I am one of the 4 crap sisters. What she doesn't say here is that her and her husband told my mom and stepdad before he died, that she was going to live with them. They had a separate living area that wasn't even being used, with it's own entrance, upstairs at their house. It was no financial burden either for them. This sister talking up there ^ was very close to our mom (and stepdad). She called my mom every single morning very early to talk because she was lonely in Texas. She wasn't a narcissist then I guess? Or why would you call her every single morning to shoot the breeze. One sister lives with her daughter and has no home. Another sister rents a room in a trailer, one has 2 adult children and 2 grandchildren living with her and they move alot !! Me? I live in a 2 bedroom trailer with 3 people and 3 pets. It was never discussed after they told my mom she was going to live with them. Nobody knew it would be that bad OR it would have been discussed. Once our mom was 1300 miles away, she had no idea how much my sister and husband hated her being there. What were we supposed to do? Say MOM they hate you being there, lets move you back to michigan. Nevermind her income is so low she will struggle really bad. My mom has been through alot since Feb. 2014. Lost her husband, was kind of forced this past christmas to go visit 2 sisters in tennessee because the one she lived with didn't want her around when they came to Michigan for Christmas. Our mom was having alot of trouble breathing for months before December. She went to the Dr. and it didn't improve. I told this sister ^^ in Texas that she isn't making it up, she really is having trouble breathing, she kept saying our mom was only doing it for attention...The day our mom landed in Tennessee, she was so out of breath one sister had to push her to their car in a wheelchair and 3 days after christmas our mom almost died from a heart condition. She just spent 2 months away from the one she lives with because the cardiologist wouldn't let her travel back home to Texas. She had a pacemaker inserted. I'm gonna speak my mind here because when I saw my sister say I'm dead to her, here, my whole body was shaking. I was the ONLY sister that talked to her and at least tried to help. I offered suggestions, then I got accused of trying to control the situation from 1300 miles away......My sister states on this website a few times that I told her she was responsible for our mother. That is BS. What I actually said was "you are responsible" to take her back to the Dr. because she is having trouble breathing, cant go up a flight of stairs without getting short of breath. She's there, she has no car, but my sister told ME she wasn't taking my mom back to the Dr. unless she's dieing....I was up half the night over all of this and after speaking up here, I won't lose anymore sleep over this because I know I did nothing wrong. That last year our stepdad was alive, My husband and I had one car. We both work. We helped my mom and stepdad move 6 mos before he died, I was out there several times totaling 2 weeks during his last few months and a couple of other times. I got accused here of seeing them 2 times that whole last year. I never defend myself like I should, and now I will. Also, our mother did drink. She has not had one drink since August 2014 and did it alone without even saying much. I'm d*mn proud of her !!!!!
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Oh, one more thing. They have no idea what it costs for the HOME. I am saving them money by caring for my partner. Do you think I will ever hear a thank you? Not!
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I finally gave up on my Partner's kids calling or visiting. The last time the one son visited, it nearly turned into a fighting match with his father (my partner). I warned the son and daughter in law, I was going to call the police.They want me OUT and him in a HOME so that their inheritance does not get used. I feel bad for my partner as he was a great father. But the kids don't live near here and have no idea what he is going through, nor do they care. Their attitude is just die....It is really sad. Money truly is the root of all evil..
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I don't have time to add another "meeting" or group to my schedule. I am busy from morning until I fall asleep (and until he has to get up and go to the bathroom). No way could I attend a group of any kind, even church I am SO thankful for this website. As he watches TV, I can sit and talk to the people on here about my issues. So far, they have always been right on. I am in the beginning of the process of His Alzheimer disease. I am way to busy to go anywhere
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Im sorry but these stories just p*ss me off. Not at the writer but the four crap sisters and the crap mom. Give them all notice that if nobody is going to step up to the plate then she goes to the state. Put her out now if it's really that bad.
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My situation is much different then yours as far as what I am dealing with with my parents.. However, I completely understand the pain of having your family forsake you and leave you all alone in your time of need. I always thought that my family would be there for me in hard times and this situation I am dealing with now has unfortunately taught me that it isn't so. I also feel extremely alone in the world having learned this awful truth.

I have started to go to a caregiver support group and it is helpful but only meets once a month. Coming here helps.. and I am also thinking of getting some counseling. My biggest issue even aside from my parents is this realization that I am truly alone in the world. If family doesn't help me through my current ordeal with my parents.. then will they be with me through anything else?

My whole view of the world has completely shifted over this caregiving situation.... and I need to come to terms with that....somehow.
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Why wait for the crisis? Tell the social worker what the risks are and apply pressure for them to act preventively - they won't want to be responsible for any harm coming to your mother that you have previously, in writing, warned them about. I'm sorry your sisters have let you down. Were you close to any of them before?
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the day I told my mother she has to move 1 of my sisters had enough nerve to tell me I couldn't do that ,that mom was my RESPONSIBILITY now. Needless to say mine and that sisters relationship will never be the same again. shes basically dead to me as far as Im concerned.
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yes country mouse. I have FOUR sisters. nobody EVER calls, me but they sure call my mother and stir the pot. If it was up to them my mom would stay here with me 1200 miles away from them and they could continue to be phone in daughters. The plan was for my mom to visit all sisters throughout the year so I had breaks. Not ONE of them has called in a year and a half and said oh send mom to me for a while.
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now I understand that I don't owe her anything just because she gave birth to me. It took me 50 years to discover that her behavior had a title. Someone recommended a book a year ago, Will I ever be good enough healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers. And at first I thought why ?? Then at the beginning of the book it had questions if you answered yes to a couple your mother was a narcissist. I answered yes to 25 of them, that it was my AH HA moment. Reading the book gave me the guts to tell my mother her living here wasn't working out she has to go. And that is my plan to get her out as soon as possible and never look back. If I could move her today she would be gone. Im just scared something is going to happen to her before shes gone. Im 1 crisis away from telling a social worker I need her out of my house today !! The waiting list for low income senior housing are horrible. I just have to suffer until I get a call and it could still be 10 months until that happens. So I need to figure out how to keep my sanity until I get that call.
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If there is a support group near you that you like the sound of, go and see if it helps. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't.

What have you got in the way of family, and why have they headed for the hills? Friends, it's more likely that they just don't understand what you're going through - but they might if you can find a way to tell them what you need from them.

Don't blame yourself for feeling rage - this forum is great for venting, by the way.
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Sounds to me like you owe her nothing. Counsel and a support group would be good for you but the best thing would be to get her out of your house and don't look back.
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