Attempting to help a elderly person without recognition? Why attempt?


My venting story for the day,
What I've been thru you have no idea! I have a Aunt that's 88 and lives alone.
About 6 months ago is when I came involved helping & caring for this Aunt's needs.Why I became involved with this Aunt was because,I was told by the APS and Police dept that my cousin beat and abused this Aunt.My cousin and her boyfriend was arrested and charged with battery and now waiting hearing.After I learned of this,I decided to search into this further and found many other issues as many Checks was wrote out & cashed by this cousin and attempting to sell the Aunts house,items was missing and sold and the cousin attempted to change the Aunt's Will as coaching,forcing her to do so.Once I learned all of this I asked the Police & APS to do a financial investigation.Both depts refused to do so on grounds that my cousin & boyfriend lived with the Aunt and may have used the funds to buy food is what I was told.They said,I had no proof how they spent the funds.I differed and said yes I have proof of how many checks was cashed in just a short time.I found my cousin wrote $400 checks stating house payment.What's this?The house is paid for!There is no house payment!I explained this to APS & Police with no financial investigation done.
I decided to take my Aunt to her attorney to explain all what I found.The attorney told me just be lucky you saved her house from being sold.I know 100% this cousin ripped the Aunt off with proof but,the depts careless.They all say I must forget and move on.Wow what a legal system with have I must say.The attorney felt my Aunt needs a DPOA.There I was the only feller willing to step up to this plate.I agreed to be her DPOA.I had no idea what a DPOA was I agreed because,the attoney felt she needed one.There was my first mistake.I learned having a DPOA is pointless.A DPOA or POA is only used for finger pointing if something would ever go wrong I learned.All I stated above happened 6 months ago.

Here I am today,
The cousin and her boyfriend is out of jail and moved out of state."Free birds" with a slap on the hands!Unfare this legal system is I must say!Photos of bruses and police reports of many past 911 calls and these two people is walking free wrong it is!
From all I stated above,I was forced to be this Aunt's caregiver & DPOA.Why I say forced?Because,no other family member was willing to help this Aunt.I contacted all members to help and all refuse.I'm on my own with this Aunt .It's a bigger job then what I ever thought it would be.I learned the Aunt's darkside.I learned she is very hateful and is why knownone else is willing to help her because,she's so hateful.What I did for this Aunt I recieve no recognition.If it wasn't for me she would be in a nurcing home by now.It's to the point to where I don't want to help her anymore because,of her hatefulness darkside.There's no gain in this for me helping her.I don't even get a thank you.But,if I stop helping her knowone else will attempt.Some say let the state take over.Sounds easy to say!But,will I sleep at nite after doing so?
This Aunt's desire is to live in her home alone.But,she refuses to spend a dime to help her keep staying in her home alone as life alert and other requirements.
I don't have the money to spend.She has the money but,refuses.I have this DPOA but,I can't spend her money as I see fit to help her stay in her home.I contacted Real Services they told me the Aunt has too much money to quilfy.They told me she needs to start spending money inorder to quilfy.She refuses to do so.My Aunt has me take money out of her bank account for her spending money for her because,she can't get out to do it her self.I also,do her grocery shopping for her.She eats way too much! and loses money all the time or giving it away to someone I don't know.I grocery shop for her twice a week each time it cost $90 "each time" for one old lady.Where does all her food go I have not a clue.She has no visiters that I know of.She writes a checkout for cash for me to cash for her so she has spending money $400 example.3 days later she has me do it again for her.That's $800 per month of spending money she gets.And she don't go anywhere.But,some how she's alway broke,hiding or losing cash.As I am her DPOA at her bank I'm starting to worry will I be finger pointed where her funds went?I keep recepts of all I spend for her .But,my Aunt holds,controls her checkbook.I sign as POA when I cash checks for her.I have her signature each check she writes.I'm worried will or can this backfire on me?Should I keep doing what I'm doing or stop all together?Because,I sure don't want to be accused of wrong spending down the road.My Aunt has very bad dementia.I was denied online banking to help manage her spending.I was told POAs are not allowed to has access to online banking thru Chase bank.And I'm not joint as I was told POAs are not allowed to be.How can I cover my butt?

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I'd advise you to notify your Aunt in writing, and maybe her doctor too (if she has a primary doctor) with a notarized document that says something like "due to circumstances beyond my control (or whatever you want to say), I am unable to and will not serve as your POA, effective immediately. I strongly suggest you execute a new POA naming someone else."
That way, you've ended your obligation and made your position clear to her. It's notarized, documented, and filed for your records. What your relative does is then entirely up to her.
Either speak with an attorney who can draft the document, probably for a flat fee, or look online for one. Just make sure it says exactly what you need it to say, and be sure to get it notarized.
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Ok, document what you can do and don't take anything for personal use. Someone better find the cahs she is possibly stashing all over the house if that's where it's going. Depending on how a POA is written, you might need your name on an account to be "allowed" to access it officially. I personally had no difficulty setting up online access to my parent;s accounts, because they had not done it already and I had all the information. It ended up beign a little complex with several different accounts because I got rep payee for my dad and had to move some of his money into my mom's care funding accounts, but the documentation of how we did all that is safely boxed up in our attic and will stay there as long as I live most likely :-). When we sold the house I had to actually get the incapacity letters and have mom resign as Dad's POA You can't really function as POA unless you have ability to manage funds. POAs are in some cases activated by documentation of incapacity. It sounds like your aunt is "able" to manage her own funds and your POA is kind of worthless at the moment. Is she impaired enough that getting guardianship is realistic? But she is living alone? Could you make that kind of committment, as you will almost certainly be hated on ferociously for doing it? You alternative might be to resign as POA, let aunt get into all the trouble she possibly can and lose her home or whatever she has, and then the state may take over, and that might not be so bad an outcome for her if it is the only way she will ever be in a safe, stable care situation.

Whatever happens or doesn't happen, you getting recognition from your aunt in this lifetime is NOT going to happen. Forget about that and concentrate on doing the right thing in order to have your own integrity and keep your own butt out of jail, hopefully both goals can be accomplished.
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And the poor thing will wonder why he's there.
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Sounds like you'll soon be in the Pokie...
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It can very well backfire on you. Look no further than the cousin who was there before you. You think he stole the money because so much was gone. Now the aunt has you doing the same thing, and when more money is gone, people will throw you under the bus with your cousin. You got into this situation because you were hoping she would leave you the house. Instead, she is setting you up to look like a thief. I have really bad feelings about this. She will turn on you, same as she did with your cousin, and accuse you of abuse the same way she did your cousin. Get out while you still can avoid jail time.
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