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I became her caregiver Nov 2021 and moved her from NJ to MD where I live. I am the youngest sibling and the only one who is able to care for her. I love her dearly, we were very close, and this is emotionally challenging to me. Her behavior is progressing as the days go by. We have a tour coming up at an Adult Care Center and I pray it goes well but now I am frightened of her. This evening we were in Target and I was pushing the cart with my 2yr old grand daughter in it. We are in an aisle together and as I pick up some things, I turn around and she is gone. She wandered way back to the front of the store and I am near the pharmacy. I call her back, asked her where she was going, she mentioned working. I told her we were in Target not her job and we are shopping. She said "you're shopping, not me." She was about to turn back and walk away and I called her out saying that you cannot leave my side, please don't leave my side, as I am guiding her body into the aisle, she pushes back and the rest is history. I screamed for security because her strength was overwhelming. She left scratches and whelps on my skin and tore my shirt exposing my bra. My emotional health is at risk here, especially since our mother died of Alzheimer's in 2004.
Can anyone make any suggestions on what I should do next? This was her first outburst like this since she has been with me. And at this rate, they may get even more violent which is something I am not looking forward to, nor do I wish to be place in that position.

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She has to be placed in a locked, secured memory care facility that has a 24-hour round the clock staff.
You did the best you could as her hands-on caregiver, but that is finished. Be her advocate now.
Please look into some memory care facilities. Your sister is a danger to you, herself, and others. It's time for memory care.
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LynneKT Aug 2022
Thank you for your response. I will look into this right away.
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I’m so very sorry to say this, but your sister is actually now dangerous to not just you but your child, and potentially other ppl.

Especially if she is living with you, that danger needs to be removed today versus when you can find the nicest al.

The fastest way involves taking her to the er for a social admit and or psych evaluation, as she is not only a danger to herself, and gravely disabled, but is also a danger to others, specifically a 2 yo.
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LynneKT Aug 2022
Thank you for this information.
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I agree with BurntCaregiver; your sister's dementia has turned violent and she now needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for medication to calm her down, then she needs to be placed in a Memory Care Assisted Living Facility. She has to be medicated first, however, or she'll be asked to leave the MC if she becomes violent there, and then you'll have another situation on your hands. If there isn't money to private pay in Memory Care, then she'll need to be placed in Skilled Nursing with Medicaid. See a Certified Elder Care attorney for guidance in applying/qualifying her for Medicaid in your state, if necessary.

I'm sorry you are facing such a dire situation. Please do not hesitate to call 911 if your sister acts out again. The EMTs will transport her to the ER and she can be placed under a psychiatric evaluation/hold where she can get medication for her aggression.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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LynneKT Aug 2022
Thank you so much for this information. I just finished searching for a geriatric psychiatrist and found one I am willing to try. I will make the appointment tomorrow. And again, thank you, I truly appreciate it.
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Lynne, if this is a sudden change in your sister's behavior, please haver tested for a urinary tract infection. They can cause psychiatric symptoms.
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LynneKT Aug 2022
Thank you, I certainly will.
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If your Sister gets violent again, as said, call 911 and say that she has become violent and your afraid for your life. Then use the Baker Act.

She will be evaluated for 72 hrs at least. When you are called to say they are discharging her, tell them you refuse to take her back into ur home. You cannot care for someone with violent tendencies. You are concerned for your safety and children that come to your home. You may have to allow the State to take over her care which means they are then in control of where she is placed and her money. They will also find her a place quicker and get her on Medicaid. You may be able to work out that you want to be involved you just can no longer care for her.
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Frankly, I have marveled at the elastic usage of the term memory care AL. For one, when it’s gotten to that level, there’s nothing al about it.

What’s the difference between this ltc, see below, and a mc?

https://story.californiasunday.com/covid-life-care-center-kirkland-washington/
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Isthisrealyreal Aug 2022
It is elastic, it has been discussed multiple times over the years here, that you have to tour facilities because there is NO continuity in what an AL or MC actually provides. You have to verify for yourself what a facility ACTUALLY offers, no matter what it is called.

Not only does it vary widely state to state but, facility to facility in the same town. What California says doesn't mean anything.

Just an FYI.
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Sounds like it's time for the professionals to take custody of your sister. Please call Adult Protective Services for placement and Medicaid evaluation. Some have taken their loved ones to the ER and succeeded in having them contact Adult Protective Services when told that there is no one left who can be her caretaker. If you're in a place where she is highly agitated, 911 will get her a police escort to the hospital. Be sure to video her behavior as some can really turn it on and off when strangers show up.
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