My mother is very far in her dementia. Her husband neglects his duty, but when someone visits, they think she's okay because a husband is there. My aunt, who only comes once every four or five years to visit yelled at me, "At least she isn't being beaten!" My brother finally agreed after fighting with me about it for years, that she needed caregivers after mom had not been bathed in years because husband wouldn't do it. I had noticed for years the smell, so bad it was on my mom's skin, and would smell up my whole house, and called Alz. Association and reported to APS, but APS said her home needed to be covered in filth or she had to show signs of physical abuse for anything to happen. He also would leave her alone, sometimes weeks at a time and her teeth were rotting out. Husband would not take her to the dentist or doctor, but he would take himself if he had anything. Yes, I told authorities, but nothing was done. And, my brother fought me for so long, and insisted she didn't need help. He lives thousands of miles away in another state. There is so much more to this story, as far as my brother and my mom's husband fighting on me getting her help, I can go on forever, but let's get to the present. Mom had to go the emergency room and stay in the hospital last summer 2017 because of gall stones. My brother came out and enacted POA. So, finally mom has caregivers, but since she "graduated" from hospice this past week, he wants to get rid of her daytime caregiver that comes 4 hours a day, and just have the one at night. That leaves my mom with only her neglectful spouse for 16 hours a day. He does not bathe her, change her diaper, wipe her, nothing. And, he leaves her alone. She wears diapers and puts toilet paper in them instead of wiping. She hates taking showers and says those people (caregivers) in that place make me take a shower. She does not know it is her home she has lived in for 44 years. When I gave her my Christmas card, she would pick it up from the table, and read it, put it down. Pick it up, read it, put it down, repeat, repeat. Over and over within seconds of putting it down. Husband buys her ice cream, Pepsi, and KFC, to eat. She eats it all day and she has diabetes. Caregiver has had to ween her off of these things because husband will just feed her this stuff and buy it for her constantly. What do I do? My husband says to just let my brother deal with it, but I really can't stand my brother for insisting on reducing her care. Does she need 24 hour care at this point? I fear for her because husband leaves her alone, has gotten rashes from not being changed, etc. Mom has over $6000 a month for her care. Brother says he wants to cut day caregiver and mom have caregiver only 10pm-6am. I'm EXTREMELY concerned. He wants to save money for later if she needs more care and he wants her to stay in her home. I told him we need to take care of her NOW. There might not be a later. If there is, she has plenty of money to be in memory care when and if she needs it. In fact, memory care might be cheaper than what she has now. She paid off her house 30 years ago. I told him we could sell her home to pay for her care when the time comes. He now says he doesn't want to sell her home until she dies. He won't answer my question on why wait until she dies. My brother has always been doing the wrong thing and I've been goody two shoes. He says this is his chance to help mom. I feel bad because I feel like he may be misusing her and her money by not getting her the care she deserves. At what point does my mom need 24 hour care? I told my brother it doesn't matter where she lives because she doesn't even know where she is. In her will it says she wants to live at home if it is reasonable. Is this reasonable at this stage of dementia and with care only 8 hours a day, and only at night? Yes, her husband is there, but he just sits at home all day and watches TV with no interaction with my mom. My brother thinks it's great that her husband takes her for pizza and Italian dinner once a week. Last time I went to the house, there were 6 water bottles and two left over salads in the refrigerator, waffles in the freezer, and a couple of soup cans in the pantry. If nobody is there to watch, my mom will deteriorate faster. The caregiver dresses her, gives her meds, bathes her, interacts with her, changes her diapers, etc. I'm losing sleep over this. He will go back to his home far away after being here for a week. I was happy that my mom was getting a caregiver especially during the day so I wouldn't have to worry about her while I'm at work. I live in the same town. What should I suggest to my brother? Is he doing the right thing? I told him my concerns, but he's brushing me off again. We have had disagreements over her care, me saying she needs it, him saying no way for years now. Is it feasible to have 8 hrs/day care just at night since a husband is there? He won't wake up to take her and clean her in the restroom.