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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Cookie, I just saw your post and see the dog has knee problems. Is the dog elderly? I see your niece is willing to help, does she live nearby? If the dog becomes immobile I would recommend looking into a doggie wheelchair sooner rather than later.
Is there a compromise where you take on the main care of the dog but still take her/him for visits? I don't doubt your mom loves her dog dearly but her mental facilities to do basic care for herself nonetheless a pet might not be there. Is the dog being let out to potty or having pee pads changed? Many seniors with memory issues either overfeed or underfeed pets. If the dog has skin issues, you might need to have a get try different meds (I had a dog in low dose antibiotics for skin allergies) and special shampoo to keep help skin heal. One of my dogs needed kangaroo (yes, kangaroo) food for six months to heal up after adoption. Mom would benefit from having her dog visit if you are close then perhaps a daily visit. You can make sure the dog gets the daily and vet care needed. Would Mom benefit from a robot pet in between visits?
CookieKing, I think from your answers to us and all the added information you supplied in responding (thanks for being so responsive to the Forum's suggestions) two things are clear. Not only is the dog a serious problem for both Mom and you and all attempting to act for it, but Mom is a problem in that she is no longer properly placed in Indendent Living. Her dementia is so severe now that she belongs in either a middle between ALF and MC, or in MC itself. Also, animal lover that I am, when it comes to horrible pain our animals cannot deal with nor understand with these surgeries (multiple) you are speaking of, I think it is much more merciful if they are this aged and unable, to put them mercifully to sleep. I only wish we could do that for ourselves when it is "time".
So my previous advice here swings a bit. I am now for proper placement for Mom so that you don't continue to kill yourself with her needs, and for not rehoming, but for relieving her dog of ongoing surgery and pain by putting it mercifully to sleep. I am truly sorry for this pain. I am 82 and have lost already countless animals, all of which I remember well for all the love shared, but anyone who has, knows and loves animals faces this and it is the cost of their love. Your mother may no longer be capable of fully computing that fact, but I will bet she once was.
I wish you luck in this tough decision. There will be tears. They are a part of life, especially where the unconditional love our animals give us.
Getting away from the dog discussion here... Your added information sounds to me like your mom should be in Assisted Living not IL. (I'm not even going to get into the Memory Care conversation) By moving her to AL or even MC that would give you the breathing room you so need.
Thank you all for your thoughtful answers. I currently have Mom's dog who has a torn knee ligament due to a genetic patella out of place. He must be given pain meds until surgery. Mom has vascular dementia and can not be counted on to give meds on a time schedule. Moreover, her short term memory is nonexistent, so she won't remember he can not jump up on furniture, go on walks, etc. The 12-weeks of post surgery recovery requires physical manipulation of the joint several times daily, some pain meds, and generally following a strict schedule. I am doing all of this. When completed, I plan to re-home him with my Moms favorite niece. She is willing. Mom is understandably furious and heartbroken. It is a super tough decision, but I am doing what is best for me--I am unwilling to do this again with the second knee if it blows out, (and it is likely to do so) and Mom really can not care for him. It is very sad. It is best for the dog and for me. Unfortunately Mom gave up caring for her finances, driving, grocery, any decision making functions three years ago now. She lives in IL and counts on others to come by to get her to attend meals with them. She can still order dinner by ordering whatever anyone else is having. I bring her groceries weekly and go by at least once or twice weekly to clean her hearing aids, bathe the dog, fix whatever needs fixing. It is time for her dog to go because she can't manage it and I am not willing to continue to manage it. I have been drowning and must find more breathing room for myself, my family and my life. I am very sad and I will miss Andy.
You are making the best decision possible. Don’t doubt yourself. I am dealing with similar. My 91 year old mother and 10 year old obese cat, my little brother. It’s all so hard and I can’t understand why no one warned us. Except self preservation. I think you are making the courageous choice for mom’s dog. Over the rainbow 🌈 bridge and all health and comfort restored. They are there, playful, well fed and loved watching over us until we are reunited. Put a picture in her room. Maybe she wears the dog tags as a necklace for a while. Baby is fine and at peace and in no pain. Your heart is in the best place and make it happen. Will be better for all of you. Big hug from Texas.
I think the point is when she can’t take or let the dog out and it is soiling her home regularly from neglect. Or some other suffering that is truly animal abuse. But get her to pay for someone to groom the dog and give meds if you can’t do it yourself.
I have missed the "soiling the house". Didn't see where that was mentioned. At the point the animal AND the senior are living in squalor, yes, actions must be taken. In some facility circumstances a well-behaved animal can go in with the person. And there may be a choice for placement, and placement of the dog rehomed, even getting to visit the senior. That is something I have seen.
My mom ALWAYS fed her dogs until the poor things looked like overstuffed sausages. It was how she showed her love. I see dogs that are so fat their backs are flat table tops, out on walks in my neighborhood all the time. Saddens me that people don't think about what they are really doing to the poor dog but, I don't think it means the dog needs to be removed.
As far as bathing and monthly meds, I would give my mom's dogs baths whenever I visited. I would help her cut toenails and clean ears by holding the dogs for her.
I learned that my standard of loving care is different than many, however, that doesn't justify removing a pet from its beloved owner.
Somethings we have to let go. Dogs are adaptable and they love their masters unconditionally. We need to really look at the situation and decide if it is worth taking the dog and the ill effects it will have, on them and our parent.
Being a staunch dog advocate, I don't think you should intervene by taking the dog, I do think you should intervene by helping bathe and giving the monthly heart guard.
I would encourage you to find out how much food her dog should get daily and buy her the appropriate measuring cup. I did this with my dad, he was feeding his little chihuahua way to much, poor thing could barely carry her own weight. When he ended up in the hospital, I started caring for the poor thing and before long she was acting like a puppy, lost 25% of her body weight being fed properly. That encouraged my dad to do better, he saw her joy at being able to live again and he was careful with her food until the day she died. Teach her what is appropriate for her dogs nutritional needs. Get her the appropriate measuring cup and just maybe she will do better.
I’ve worried about this for two years as I watched my mother ignore her dogs medical needs for bad allergies and skin issues. I began with taking him to mobile vet for nail trims and vaccine, but they said they couldn’t handle his skin issues.
She would apply OTC remedies and didn’t want to pay for regular vet visits and management. As he got worse we paid for a and helped pay for several visits. Shes now in SNF after a hospital stay, declining mentally, and the dog is with us. I just spent a lot of money getting him the works at the vet! He’s lost a pound from his arthritic over stuffed body on just proper portions of dog food. She would give him half of her food.. even if it was tuna made with lots of onions. Ignored my pleas that onions are bad for dogs…. Doggie is well cared for with us and I hope it stays that way.
Removing from a senior their beloved pet may be a death blow. There is certainly no reason, if you live near your mother, not to be able to give the dog monthly medication dose. As to overfeeding, I am quite against that and consider it animal abuse, but at the end of the day, with bad decisions by a pet owner, the animal has love and care even if an early death, and the fact we overfeed our SELVES to the extent we do makes this not much of a selling point for taking away a pet.
To many of us, our pets are family member. To take a pet from another is beyond cruel, and I have seen no evidence in what little you tell us to condone removal in any way.
No it won’t be a literal death blow, Alva. Otherwise thousands of seniors giving up their pets to go into MC or SNF would just automatically keel over.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Not only is the dog a serious problem for both Mom and you and all attempting to act for it, but Mom is a problem in that she is no longer properly placed in Indendent Living. Her dementia is so severe now that she belongs in either a middle between ALF and MC, or in MC itself.
Also, animal lover that I am, when it comes to horrible pain our animals cannot deal with nor understand with these surgeries (multiple) you are speaking of, I think it is much more merciful if they are this aged and unable, to put them mercifully to sleep. I only wish we could do that for ourselves when it is "time".
So my previous advice here swings a bit. I am now for proper placement for Mom so that you don't continue to kill yourself with her needs, and for not rehoming, but for relieving her dog of ongoing surgery and pain by putting it mercifully to sleep.
I am truly sorry for this pain. I am 82 and have lost already countless animals, all of which I remember well for all the love shared, but anyone who has, knows and loves animals faces this and it is the cost of their love. Your mother may no longer be capable of fully computing that fact, but I will bet she once was.
I wish you luck in this tough decision. There will be tears. They are a part of life, especially where the unconditional love our animals give us.
Your added information sounds to me like your mom should be in Assisted Living not IL. (I'm not even going to get into the Memory Care conversation)
By moving her to AL or even MC that would give you the breathing room you so need.
As far as bathing and monthly meds, I would give my mom's dogs baths whenever I visited. I would help her cut toenails and clean ears by holding the dogs for her.
I learned that my standard of loving care is different than many, however, that doesn't justify removing a pet from its beloved owner.
Somethings we have to let go. Dogs are adaptable and they love their masters unconditionally. We need to really look at the situation and decide if it is worth taking the dog and the ill effects it will have, on them and our parent.
Being a staunch dog advocate, I don't think you should intervene by taking the dog, I do think you should intervene by helping bathe and giving the monthly heart guard.
I would encourage you to find out how much food her dog should get daily and buy her the appropriate measuring cup. I did this with my dad, he was feeding his little chihuahua way to much, poor thing could barely carry her own weight. When he ended up in the hospital, I started caring for the poor thing and before long she was acting like a puppy, lost 25% of her body weight being fed properly. That encouraged my dad to do better, he saw her joy at being able to live again and he was careful with her food until the day she died. Teach her what is appropriate for her dogs nutritional needs. Get her the appropriate measuring cup and just maybe she will do better.
She would apply OTC remedies and didn’t want to pay for regular vet visits and management. As he got worse we paid for a and helped pay for several visits.
Shes now in SNF after a hospital stay, declining mentally, and the dog is with us. I just spent a lot of money getting him the works at the vet! He’s lost a pound from his arthritic over stuffed body on just proper portions of dog food.
She would give him half of her food.. even if it was tuna made with lots of onions. Ignored my pleas that onions are bad for dogs…. Doggie is well cared for with us and I hope it stays that way.
There is certainly no reason, if you live near your mother, not to be able to give the dog monthly medication dose. As to overfeeding, I am quite against that and consider it animal abuse, but at the end of the day, with bad decisions by a pet owner, the animal has love and care even if an early death, and the fact we overfeed our SELVES to the extent we do makes this not much of a selling point for taking away a pet.
To many of us, our pets are family member. To take a pet from another is beyond cruel, and I have seen no evidence in what little you tell us to condone removal in any way.