My partner is 23. His dad is the one we are caring for, he is 74 years old. He was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis on top of heart disease last year, and has had unmanaged diabetes for 10 years.
Lately, his dad has become a bit of a bitter man, which is understandable. But, he's taking his anger out on the people trying to help him: his wife, his son, and me. All he wants to do is watch tv all day long and drink. If anyone suggests something else, such as going to physical therapy, taking his medication, or drinking less, he'll say, "Can't you see I'm just trying to enjoy what little time I have left?". The other day, he told my partner to bring him 3 donuts and beer. When my partner refused, his dad yelled at him, "I'm dying! I'll be dead soon, and when I'm gone, you'll be sorry for treating me this way!" He does the same to my partner's mom too. He guilt trips them into getting his way when all they were trying to do in the first place was keep him around as long as possible. When he answers a sales call, he yells into the phone "I'm dying! Don't waste any more of my time!" and my partner's mom leaves the room crying.
To me, it seems he's clearly upset and depressed at the prospect of dying. However, he's doing a fine job of getting there in as little time as possible. He won't go to physical therapy or do the exercises, he won't be proactive in eating healthy and doing all he can. He does nothing to help himself. How can I convince him that a longer life would be worth the effort? It seems he's choosing instant gratification (donuts and skipping exercise) over long term goals (a longer life expectancy and a better quality of life)