Can the Assisted Living Facility prevent my mother from leaving the facility since she has dementia?

Jeanniegibbs: Thank you for compassionate answers. I do want the best for my mom and yes it takes alot to care for her especially because she is very mean to me. My concern is that she does not have alot of money and it will last her there for about 3 years and she is 68 yo with no real medical needs other than dementia and parkinsons which she is still walking. If she is able to go to a nursing home at the end of 3 years, then she will just remain there. I don't know if I can leave her there at that point and be Godly ok.

None of us ever wants to be "put away." That term conjures up what we do with pets who are suffering from terminal health problems. I would never "put away" my mother or my husband, but I would certainly consider a long term care placement for either of them if at some point that would be the way they could get the best care. I would never abandon them and would continue to visit, love, support, and advocate for them, either at home or at a care center. I am sure you are doing this for your mother.

What I am getting at is I don't think the fact that in the past Mother stated she did not want to be put away should be what drives the decision in the current situation. You have personally cared for her full time, so you know what it takes. You also know her current health condition and what it would take for one person to do all the work of caring for her. If/when the revocation is set aside and you are once again the POA I hope you can objectively decide where Mother can get the best care in her current health condition.

And if for some reason you don't get the POA authority back, make the most of the situation you can't change, and continue to care for your mother where she is.

Whatever happens, may your strong love for your mother see you through.

No, my mom is not competent. Her regular doctor is sending the documentation stating she is unable to make her own decisions which will ultimately negate her changing the POA. I want my mom to come with me and brother wants her to stay in the facility and live out the rest of her years in a nursing home after her money runs out. My mom always expressed to me that she never wanted to be put away. She has been influenced by my brother and family that this is best for her. She has always been passive and indecisive so with the dementia she will call me and ask me to do something then call my brother and ask him. He doesn't talk to me so we can't come to any agreement or know when her illness is causing her to act like that. I have spoken with attorney's and will be costly to do anything. She is safe at the facility and I am greatful. I have been taking care of her for the past 5 years with no help from my brother and no one has believed me when I have told them of her conditions. There is not a new POA but she did a revocation and the facility will not give the paper back to her to withdraw. And yes I provided them with her original POA documents.

Can you contact an Elder care attorney immediately?He or she will know the laws for your state. Also, where is your mother going when she leaves? If there is a problem at her current facility that involves her safety, I hope you can contact the appropriate people to help her find better care.

Is your mother legally competent to make her own decisions? If not, there may be some question about the legallity of the change in POA. When it comes to questions of legality, it is best to consult a lawyer.

I take it that you would like your mother to leave the facility she is in now, and your brother doesn't want that? If his POA status is valid and legal, then he is the person authorized to decide. If you don't think it is valid (because Mother wasn't competent when she changed it), you will need a lawyer to untangle that.

Have you discussed with your brother the issue of what is the best place for Mother to live? Do you know why he wants her where she is, and has he heard your concerns? Ultimately it it the POA's decision but I would hope that family members can at least share their perspectives. From other posts I've read on here, that is probably naive ...

What type of facility is she in? If she is in a memory care home, they have a legal responsibility to keep her safe & that means she cannot leave unless she is with your brother. I don't know what you mean when you say the facility won't give her back the revocation. A power of attorney is a legal document that your mother agreed to. I have POA because I am the caregiver & my dad lives in our home. Legally your brother does not have to show you the POA, as it is between him & your mom. Also he does not have to consult with you or provide any financial or medical information. My sister complains all the time, but I'm doing all the work.