First post here! I’m sure this question has been asked before. My mom (88) who is struggling with word finding issues and some memory issues has been living in an independent living facility for seniors. She had a hospital stay due to an infection and sent to rehab to regain strength. It absolutely killed me to leave her at the rehab facility. My brother and I are now trying to decide the best route following rehabilitation. She has had a few falls in her apartment complex, Anyway, we are not sure which way to sway her since it is ultimately her decision. We are concerned that she is unsafe in her apartment, but also know that if she moves to AL, we will see a decline in her memory and increased confusion( as we saw today from hospital to rehab) She also was very depressed stating that she doesn’t know how her memory got so bad, and how she got so old. Hard on the heart day, but any opinions would sure be appreciated.
Your mom will need weeks or months to adjust to AL, but living alone is not a good idea for her. In fact, it's the worst choice you could make because she could end up lying on the floor for hours before someone finds her. And don't think cameras onsite will help - they only provide information that she's on the floor rather than preventing a fall and helping her up. An alarm device around her neck? She won't know how to use it for long.
Also, about swaying her into making her own decision. Not a good approach. From what you've said here, mom is past being able to make good decisions for herself. Memory loss and falls now and confusion, plus that's not all that's going on in her brain. Those are just the things you know about TODAY. Dementia is also loss of executive function, which they can hide fairly well when someone else is making life easy for them such as you and your brother do for mom. But alone in her home, trying to cook breakfast, she puts the eggs in the freezer yesterday and where are they when she wants breakfast, so after lunchtime she finds them but they're frozen so how to cook them in the pan? She remembers cereal is for breakfast, so she turns on the stove and puts cereal in the pan, goes to get the mail and the cereal is smoking when she gets back, but why? She's never seen this before. These things are what happens. More: DH didn't know what toothpaste was and he told me he'd never used it before. Showed him how to brush, went away for 15 minutes to the next room, water still running, walked in and he's still brushing his teeth. ON and on….
You and brother don't allow her to make her own decisions. You're in charge now. And please don't think of taking her into your homes. Read about 100 posts on here from people who did that and ended up in some inescapable version of hell.
I'm a 4X family caregiver for relatives with stroke and dementia. I had to learn things the hard way and am here to advise others how to take an easier path.
Go visit some ALF so you can see for yourself, because they are different one from another.
Rehab can make the difference between being able to go to an ALF and needing even more care like a NH or Memory Care. It takes longer to bounce back from an infection as we age and Medicare will pay for rehab. Think of it as a step down from the hospital. She’s not quite ready to be responsible for her ADLs on her own as she would be in IL.
It’s good to be familiar with some options for her.
But do give her plenty of oversight in the rehab because the level of care in a rehab is not the same as a hospital and if she can’t advocate for herself (not being able to find her words) she needs someone to be watchful on meds, eating, etc. rehabs are not all the same either.
Good luck to you and to mom.
She is declining now after 6 years.
There are nurses here 24/7. We have an alert button on a lanyard we wear to call the nurse for help if needed. There are aides to help with various things: transporting to the dining room, bed making, so on. Laundry is done once a week and will be put away if needed. Meals will be provided in the resident’s room if he/she is unable to go to the dining room. Aides are available to give showers to the residents.
MemoryCare is also provided here.
Hopefully this will give you some insight to what AL is like; at least this one where we are. Visit various facilities before making a decision.
You will be aware that the trajectory is DOWNWARD inexorably. With memory loss already a factor mom is not capable now of living independently.
You are very welcome here. Staying and reading will help you a lot. I wish you best of luck.
"...struggling with word finding issues" is called aphasia. This may have been temporarily caused by the infection. If it doesn't improve after treatment, talk to her primary doctor as there may be therapy to help her with this (but tempered expectations if she also has memory impairment).
She is going to decline no matter what. Some elders do better in AL because of the social exposure and activities.
Falling is a tricky issue. Seniors who start to fall will do it anywhere, and usually comtinue to fall. If your Mom has memory impairment she won't remember that she falls. My Aunt with dementia fell 3 times in her own home in the presence of family caregivers. One forum participant's Mom was in a good facility and fell an incredible number of times (like 80+) over the course of years.
Your Mom now needs meds to deal with depression. My 96-yr old Mom benefited a lot from the lowest dose of Lexapro.
In no way is your Mom able to live on her own again. This is not a decision she should make herself if she has cognitive impairment. An option is in-home aids, but that will be very expensive, almost as much as a good AL facility. It also requires a lot of management by her PoA.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your hearts as you find appropriate care for her.