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I have talked about this before. Mom moved from a house after 20 years to an apartment. She was there for about 9 months before I found out that in just 1 week, she went outside of her apartment. Given, she knows that she can't drive anymore. Even though her car was parked in her garage. I gather that my brother took her keys. The first time that she got out, she went to go and get her mail. Went to the wrong apartment. Got back to the right place. The second time, I went to her place after work and found her standing outside her apartment with the neighbor's walker as her support. The last time, she went out about 5 am in the morning. Not sure why other than to just get out of the apartment. That was when my brother was called by the police and then we started looking around for a place to put her. Found a place. She seems to be doing better than when she was at the apartment. There, the apartment, she had no one, other than immediate family come to visit her. Well, maybe a couple of people in a 9 month span. She was very lonely and depressed. Even though she didn't say anything. While she was at the apartment, she would forget who some people were. She even thought that my oldest brother was her father! Where she is now, she is seeming a little better. She can still basically take care of herself. Eat, bathe. Being there for only 2 months, her memory seems to be getting a little better. She has 9 great grands but never sees them. Only my brother and his wife, grandparents, are the only relatives that see them.
She got upset yesterday that one of the caregivers called me at home. She told me that my mom refused to take her shower. I told her that she wants to take them in the evening. She said that the manager was to okay this. It must not have been put down in writing. I thought that the family, and my mom, tells when things are to be done. But there are rules there that they have to follow. My mom doesn't even want anyone there helping her take a shower. I told my mom it's a liability issue, if she would fall. She said that she took a shower by herself in Greenwood. I told her that she needs to talk to the manager of where she is.


I am afraid that if my mom gets any more argumentative, that they might have to have her removed but she is just sticking up for herself.

Your follow up posts says that she takes meds twice a day and that you found out at one point that your mother wasn't taking one med as prescribed.....I'd likely request assistance for her medication. That's one area that I would want to ensure was done correctly. I'd be wary of taking her word for it that she's taking it correctly. She may believe she is, but, is not.
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Judy79 Sep 3, 2019
I'm in charge of having her meds taken to her weekly. Don't think that I clarified that. They don't give the meds. They have something like Pill Pack but I would prefer that I take care of it. She used to take care of herself before she sold her house. It was after then that she started to stop doing it when she was living in the apartment. She even told me one time that "they told her to stop taking the aricept". I asked her who told her that and she said that she didn't know. From then on, I made sure that she was taking her meds like she should. I went over there everyday after work. After she moved to where she is now, when she was taking all 8 pills in the AM, she stopped taking all of them. Guess that they wouldn't make sure that she took all of them. Not sure. So I decided to do the 2 times a day-4/4. So that way it would be easier on her. So far, it seems okay but I am realizing that maybe I should buy some children's chewable multivitamins. Have any idea what kind I should get for a 88 year old lady?
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Showers are pre determined ahead of time in Assisted Living communities. Not all residents require assistance with bathing, but if they do, a set day and time will be established according to your mother's wishes and staff availability. It's usually twice a week that showers take place. At this point, YOU need to set up a care conference with the administration at the AL. With dementia, your mom doesn't get to make many decisions......they get to be made by the POA which I assume to be you. As she loses more and more mental capacity, more and more decisions will fall on you. It's the way it goes in this arena. The charge nurse always calls the POA with any issues the resident has, or to report falls of any kind. My mother HATES when the AL calls me, but again, that's the way it goes. The AL is not likely to ask your mother to leave, based on having a difference of opinion. But it's always best to get everything straightened out up front than to run into surprises later on.
Best of luck!
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Judy79 Sep 3, 2019
My brother is her POA and I am her healthcare rep. My brother doesn't know how to deal with this part. Plus he is a middle school teacher with a lot of responsibilities for him.
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You know, to be honest, the things you are describing are not much in terms of the complaints and demands they deal with daily. At least in my humble opinion and from what I see.
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Judy79 Sep 3, 2019
What do you mean?
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So, are you saying that your mom is in AL or MC now? I wasn't clear on that.

I would keep in mind that as dementia progresses, it gets more and more challenging and the person will need more and more assistance. Sometimes, the person's reasoning may not be logical. You might agree with her about the bath time, but, she may be bound to certain policies of the facility. The staff at an MC are generally very equipped to manage the residents care. They may be more flexible as well. That was my experience with my LO.

I would also keep in mind that a person with dementia who wanders, may wander for no apparent reason. They don't have to be bored, distraught or energetic. Sometimes, they just do it with no apparent reason. So, it's incumbent to have staff supervise them at all times. I'm not aware of any AL that would take the responsibility of someone who wanders, without them having a person with them at all times. If private pay, the patient would likely have to pay for this extra service. When my LO wandered, her doctor wrote an order for a secure facility.
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Judy79 Sep 3, 2019
She didn't get an order from her doctor for a secure facility. She was told by the neuro psych doctor that she needs 24/7 care. So that is why she is in the MC unit. She has never wondered before now.

They are flexible about the shower times. I just think that they should give her the benefit of the doubt and let her shower herself and see how she does. I have told her about the liability if she would fall.

Currently she is on the generic for aricept. She was taking it in the morning, along with her other meds. I found out that she wasn't taking all of them. Too many to take at one time. So I split them up. 4 in the AM and for in the evening. The aricept was making her very sleepy during the day. Although she was staying up to 2 AM reading books. The aricept she is now taking in the evening,which is what the directions on the bottle says. Of course, she isn't driving either. Her other son now has the car.

They don't provide anything for them. Just food and the utilities. That is a lot when you think about it. Didn't want to put her there but we had no choice.
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