Recently I was visiting my father in assisted living and I, my sister-in-law and son of an assistant living resident were taking about assisted living insurance. My sister-in-law and the son were telling me that I definitely needed to get this ASAP for myself. "Look at your father. You definitely need it". I just nodded but what I really wanted to say is, "First of all stay out of my personal business. Second what you idiots don't understand is that only a very few actually come out ahead with insurance." That was common sense to me but when I got home I did some research. This may not be accurate at all but it seems fairly right to me: In the US about 50% or so of people will need assisted living when they are between 75 and 95 years old. However, the average stay is about 2 years! Only 1 out of 10 will stay longer than 4 years. Most people in assisted living are women, obviously women live longer. So what this means is that if a person pays for 20 or 30 years of insurance on average they pay more in premiums than they will ever get back. The 1 in 10 will come out way ahead BUT that is if you are 1 in 10! If you are a man the chances you will need assisted living is low because, sorry to say, by the time you would have needed it you won't make it to that age. Does anyone else agree with this assessment?
this is not the norm but my Mom has always been extra. She has been bedridden for over two years
In my original post I posted some statistics. The striking one for me, I had no idea, is that the average stay in assisted living is 2 years. That's very sad. I think everyone should love everyone and we should all make the world the wonderful place it should be.
Can I ask what your "career" is if you have one, and why you think you're too smart for it?
I remember your past posts and I'm sure the regulars on this forum do too. You've never been responsible for yourself so you would not have a need to purchase long-term care insurance which is also very expensive.
Based on your past posts I believe your age to be late 20's or early 30's if I'm remembering correctly. People this age don't start paying for LTC insurance.
Ventingisback is right. All of your posts are about how much smarter, better, and morally superior you are to others. No one here is believing any of that. I don't see how you'd believe it yourself.
Your past posts are so outlandish that if you were just a forum member reading them, you wouldn't believe them either.
You aren't a caregiver anymore since you say your father is now in AL. So there's no need to continue singing your own praises about how much you have to do for him. You've stated many times that you do not get on well with your brother and SIL either.
You don't have to have anything to do with of them anymore now that your father is settled in his AL.
So, you can get on with your own life now and I hope you find a measure of happiness for yourself. Let me give you a bit of practical advice. I give it in the spirit of friendship and with respect to you. Please try therapy and maybe start working with a social worker or life coach. Also, your life will be a lot happier if you stop trying to correct people so much and stop behaving like you are everyone's superior because you are not. `BC
PS. You don't need to respond to this post or start refuting every point. Just think about what I'm saying here as a friend.
"Never been responsible for yourself". You don't eve know me. For many years I took care of not just myself but my father, too.
The reason I'm not buying LTC insurance now is because in my particular situation I don't need it. If things change in the future maybe I will starting paying for it.
I don't think I'm better than anyone. However if you define "better" by being "more" I'm certainly better than a lot of people that I know and know like my inconsiderate neighbor who blasts music at 2 am. In that respect for example I am a "better" neighbor than them as I would never do that. I think you would agree if you lived next door.
What if you had replied "I've thought about insuring for that risk, but I've decided to self-insure"?
All insurance is a gamble. I don't buy auto/home/umbrella insurance to "come out ahead". I buy it both for peace of mind and because there are some hazards and black swan events you can't self-insure for.
Some folks buy LTCi to protect their assets for their heirs. It's a nuanced discussion, not right/wrong.
Like MD said previously, I think you would benefit from working with a therapist. Your concern about always being "right" is, well, concerning.
Why does everything have to be a freaking competition with certain people? What does it really matter? No one on this earth is correct all of the time!
I admire people who know their limitations and send me to a specialist, rather than pretending to know what to do! I respect those who simply say, ‘I am not sure or I don’t know.’ Both of these statements are valid answers. I truly appreciate when someone says, ‘Hey, I screwed up!’ We have all screwed up at one time or another.
Plus, there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ approach for every situation in life.
I fully understand and it's welcome. The question of my post was if anyone else also thought that assisted living insurance (long-term care insurance) was in fact a myth in that only a small percentage of people will actually come out ahead, i.e. get more back then they paid in. From the conversation here I will agree that each individual should evaluate the insurance based on their circumstances, along with an insurance professional.
My sister-in-law was telling me for my own sake, with the son of a resident agreeing, that I definitely needed to buy insurance and buy it now. That put me in a position to answer. I non-verbally agreed that I understood what she was saying but I was not agreeing. She thought I was agreeing because otherwise if I did not the way it was going would have been met with animosity along the lines of "Well, you don't want us to care for you? You want to be responsible, right?" My thinking is not unusual; it's right, albeit maybe a bit too sensitive.
If anyone tells you that you have to do something right now, ignore it, like you did with your sister in law.
No one makes serious decisions at the drop of a hat. Most people will do their own research before deciding what to do for their own needs.
Nodding in agreement with your sister in law was absolutely fine. You don’t need anyone else to validate this for you.
Personally, I never engage in a conversation with people who think they have all the answers to everything in life. Take what is useful if you like and toss the rest.
As far as the insurance goes, you will receive various answers based on how people regard spending their money and what they feel is valuable for their particular circumstances.
I am so happy to read that your father is doing well in his facility. I’m sure that you are quite pleased with his progress in physical therapy.
1. You have autism, you said. You need to speak to a therapist. This forum can’t help you. You keep doing the same thing again and again.
Sometimes, you misinterpret people around you as controlling you, when they’re actually giving friendly advice and care about you.
Your SIL just gave you friendly advice about insurance. She meant no harm. On the contrary, she was trying to protect your future.
2. Every single one of your posts isn’t just a complaint about a person. It’s always about how you’re better, intellectually, morally, whatever.
By the way, people who are in fact smarter, feel no need to point out they’re smarter. It’s not smart, kind, humble, to say/think one is smarter. It might also be completely false that one is smarter.
Calling people (in your mind) “idiots” is not good, when they were just trying to help you, your future. What you’re thinking in your mind, might turn up visibly on your face. They might have seen that you’re thinking “idiots”.
By the way, in my opinion everyone is somewhere on the autism spectrum. So in that regards you are correct.
You handled the situation well by simply nodding. Just because a topic is raised doesn’t mean that you have to engage in a discussion about it.
Allow your sister in law to feel however she feels, regardless of whether you feel that she is right or wrong. She’s entitled to her opinion and you’re entitled to yours.
Honestly, who cares what she thinks of you? Live your own life as you see fit. Don’t place a whole lot of merit on her opinion.
You already know that you, your brother and your sister in law are like oil and water.
Find people that you gel with to have meaningful conversations with and continue to nod and not fret about what they say to you. I bet they don’t fret over what you say to them.
My post related to the conversation I had about insurance for assisted living. It's one thing to point out the benefits, only the benefits even, but to push and shame another person into the idea that they must get insurance, and get it now, is a form of attempting control. I would never do that to someone. I will express my opinion but never push and shame. My sister-in-law can easily get away with being highly outspoken, regardless right or wrong, because others know she is wealthy. She can't get away with it from me. She has some issues in her own life and she should spend her energy on that and don't focus on what I should be doing with my life. If she was truly "educated" on the subject I believe she should have said something like "The insurance is an individual decision based on a lot criteria. It's working great for your father. You might want to consult with an insurance professional to see if insurance would be something to get". Not something like "You need to get the insurance now. That's the responsible thing.".
You claim your SIL is a wealthy woman. She also has a husband (your brother), a home, and a life of her own.
She may be outspoken. She may not be a very pleasant or even a nice person. From what you've said about your SIL she is on her best day indifferent to you. This is not a person trying to control you. In fact, she probably couldn't care less about anything you do or don't do.
It could be that your SIL is like me and speaks plainly. This does not indicate a poor education or a lack of intelligence.
It just means that some people do not mix words and don't want to be misunderstood.
—-Geeeeez!"
Normally my thought would not be that. too. However in this case my sister-in-law was not only pushing a highly personal idea on me she was trying to shame me into it as well. It wasn't something like "You need to get these chocolate cookies" or "You really need to see this movie if you want to know about life". or whatever.
I am a retired Psychologist. All of the folks in my family of origin think I'm nuts.
I'm not. I simply see through a different lens. Having teachers, colleagues and friends who see through that lens keeps me centered.
I spoke with a someone in a top position of a major corporation recently. Their perspective was totally different than my colleagues and proved that what I thought was happening was right. They also said something that I disagreed with and I was proven right shortly after.
There will always be folks who are less sophisticated consumers of financial advice than you are.
Best advice I ever got? "If you are the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
The corollary is, if the "room" you are in is your family, smile and nod and find yourself a group of smart friends/colleagues/neighbors/congregants.
In my career I am now finding out I am definitely in the wrong room. The problem is I am too "smart" for the room I am in but I think not smart enough for the room above, which is like the top executives!
Thank you again. At least I feel like I'm not losing my mind.
Interesting and complex subject you bring up. Wish you had loaded it into discussions.
Every person must make up his or her own mind. For me the ideal is sort of what I call the "Dave Ramsey model" which would be to work all your life using good ideas to stay out of debt and build wealth so that you are in the latter years "self insured". Read that as meaning you have enough money to pay for AL or MC or staying home with home help in some way until your death.
Along came LTC insurance. I would say from what I know, that along with Reverse Mortgages, it is wise to read every single sentence in LTC policies. They are very expensive. And as you near the time when you will be using them they are MORE expensive. Some make one enough money when needed to get SOME Care, but not enough while the monthly payout is too much for them to qualify for other programs such as Medicaid. What, for instance, do you do when you have 2,500 from SS and 2,000 from LTC and the cost of your facility is 6,500.00 a month and going up?
Some LTC insurance companies are "tricky" for want of a better word. There are some that won't pay out for LTC facilities unless an RN is on duty at the facility 24/7. THAT doesn't happen. EVER, for the most part.
So........ in short, each person must become as well educated as possible and that is a life-long task we don't often take seriously until it is too late.
Again, interesting subject. I like seeing you out on Forum answering questions, as well.
My husband did not qualify because of his CIDP; so (again, upon the advice of our FA) we will convert his term life insurance policy to a whole life policy, with the hopes of being able to recoup some of the costs should he need to go into institutionalized care.
Our advisor did this to protect the majority of our assets, especially should one of us need to go into care while the other doesn't.
No, you’re not right about insurance. Sometimes it makes financial sense to do it, sometimes not. It depends.
It's a good financial advice site to determine if you can self insure for long term care.
Anyone who talks about "assisted living insurance" is not paying attention. It's LTC insurance that will pay, flexibly, for in-home care, Al, Memory Care and SNF as needed.
This not about saying your SIL is wrong. You need to do your own research and she (as part of a couple with potential heirs) needs to do hers.