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Mom has been drinking heavily last 12 years. Starts at 6am until passing out, usually 2 bottles wine a day. She's been to rehab twice & hospitalized 3-4 times (detoxing each time) -- only to be released and immediately strat drinking again. Dad finally moved out last week -- he is in decent health but the stress was killing him. He's now in an apartment until we find a place for Mom.
I live 3,000 miles away -- my sister lives 5 min away. Our parents are very dependent on my sister for everything & she works full-time and has 3 kids.
This has to stop.
Dad wants to move in to an Indedependent Living setting where there are social outlets. He is VERY social and needs to be active and engaged. He will not move anywhere with Mom and the alcoholism.
Mom begrudgingly agrees she needs to move as well.
But where will take her? She refuses to quit drinking or enter in to any treatment.

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I am the owner of a 5 beds Assisted Living. It is a home setting located in West Palm Beach. Is your mom located in Palm Beach County?
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Look into Sober Living apartments. Maybe they have a program for seniors struggling with alcohol. AA or AL-ANON Family Groups is a great place to start.
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I understand how you feel. But I don't have an answer for where to place her. Have you tried to get her placed and been turned down? You mentioned 2 bottles of wine per day. That's not good but it doesn't sound like she's a raving mad drunk. I would hope a traditional assited living place might accept her and with family help wean her down to a tolerable level of drinking. But I still wonder, how is she getting her wine?
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WE need to move mother out of her house for financial reasons. With alcoholism, moving her in to leveled care situation makes sense longterm. Right now she can live fairly independently.
We just need to find place that will take her!

Walking away is not an option emotionally for me or my sister. As horrible as she is, she's still our Mom.
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Besides alcoholism why does she need assited living? What are the health and mobility issues? How's she getting the wine? I think you and you sister need to give Mom an ultimatum. The drinking stops or she's on her own. Point blank. No screwing around. Her addiction is controlling everyone's life and that's not fair. If she is a senior report the situation to APS and tell them there's nothing more you can do then take a hike like Dad.

I went through this crap in my family. I have little patience with it anymore especially after people have been given love and support and multiple opportunities to get well. Before it wrecks your like, get away from Mom.
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I have read the rules and policies of two different facilities when I placed my loved one in Assisted Living for dementia. I don't think they will accept someone in their facility who is a using alcoholic. It's a safety issue.

Unless she's incompetent, I don't know of much you can do. She'll have to figure it out on her own. Sometimes people with her condition become incompetent due to the alcohol causing dementia.

You might check to see if the laws of your state allow an involuntary commitment, but that is a short term solution if she is determined to keep drinking.

I think I might check with a 12 step support system that gives guidance and support for family members of alcoholics. They may give you specific advice about how to not enable a family member, how to let them be responsible for their own choices, and how to free yourself from the responsibility that is not within your control, etc. I'm no expert, but learned a lot when my brother went to rehab for substance abuse.
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Mom will not consider any treatment. She is in complete denial & insists she is "working her own program." She has no will to get healthy or live a productive life. She chooses alcohol over everything. Its very sad, not the mother who raised us, but is our reality.

Dad is heartbroken but after 12 years of tryng he realizes he must at least save himself. He is proceeding with his plans, with our strong support.

We need to find a community where Mom can live her life and have some amount of oversight. Eventually she'll need assisted care -- she has LTC insurance so this should help. My sister and I will cover the rest. I'm just wondering if there are any residential communities that will take an alcoholic?
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Do the rehab facilities have any Sober Houses your mom could transition into? Would she consider this treatment?

It seems that perhaps she needs long term rehab and not a 30 day stint. Does she have a doctor who can prescribe long term stay for alcoholism? Does she have the funds for this? However, if she refuses to go, there isn't much you can do. Unless, she is incompetent, I don't know how you can insist that she do anything.

Why can't your dad move on his own into Independent Living? Waiting for her to stay sober may not be realistic. He deserves some peace. He may have to proceed with his plans.
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