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Hello. A resident of the assisted-living facility where my mom lives died suddenly today. My sister was there and observed everything and helped with summoning aid. Some other residents also saw what was going on, and all the staff were involved in life-saving efforts. Has this happened to you (as a caregiver) or a family member (as a care recipient) ("this" meaning seeing someone die suddenly and unexpectedly)? If yes, were you or the family member able to cope with the shock?

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NeverNever forget forget people that I have seen die there's certainly is life after death it is a sacred event
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Reply to john1947
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I was not at the facility when this happened; my sister, who visits our mother almost every day, was, and helped out a bit by finding staff members and waiting at the door for the EMTs.
Sister said today that she is doing okay. She said that she was relieved to learn that the person who died had had a heart attack, not a choking incident; and that our mom doesn't seem to remember the death.
Facility activities yesterday included (1) an already planned outing to a nearby cafe and (2) banana splits for dessert at the facility (delayed from the day before, when the death occurred).
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Reply to Rosered6
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Facilities need to offer support to residents and staff who see people die in front of them.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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While living in his ALF my brother said that residents spent much quality time sitting in the Gazebo discussing their ills and watching the ambulances and hearses come and go. Claimed it "their entertainment" though said with a bit of ironic bite to the humor. Death and illness is very common in aging, and whether living in the halls of Independent Living Apartments, a community with many elders, or ALF/MC, death is a constant companion. And a constant source of discussion among residents.

Surely, as an adult, you have passed many accidents. It is almost "human nature" to be fascinated with looking for/at the injured, and traffic is often slowed to standstill by our curiosity. You were shocked by something that, sadly, in this setting, isn't all that new or shocking to residents or staff. But your mind will work its away around understanding that you witnessed the chaos of something completely unexpected at the time, but understandable when thought on.

If you continue to worry this in your mind, and it distresses you, think of a few sessions with a good Cognitive therapist, who will help you work through your feelings.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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This was a not infrequent occurrence at my mom’s nursing home. We’d notice a gathering of staff happen suddenly around a person or room, it was always handled pretty quietly and mom never seemed to notice. The biggest part to notice was the ambulance coming to take the person away. The only person I’ve seen die thus far was my dad on home hospice, not the same as what you describe, but I still view it with a mix of privilege and trauma to have been there to see him out of this world. I hope your mom will view her efforts in helping with knowing she did her best and be comforted.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Yes. Valentine's Day 2023 my hubs and I were participating in a very elaborate special fancy dinner put on by my MIL's LTC facility floor staff. We had a front row table and were enjoying the dinner and watching the live violinist. My MIL was engrossed in the music. Then hubs and I realized that there was a commotion going on behind us. First we saw a police officer enter, then EMTs. Then we saw a privacy sheet go up. Then we saw the diner being taken away on a gurney, covered in the sheet. My MIL never knew what was happening. The violinist was seeing everything but had been signalled to keep playing and act like nothing was wrong.

"Doc", a long-time resident, had apparently choked on his food right in front of the other guests at his table (not family members). The poor staff was in grief and shock as he was very beloved. My hubs and I were just grateful that my MIL's neck and back was bad enough so that she couldn't turn around to see it unfold, and her hearing was bad enough that she didn't hear it, either. She was just looking at the musician and enjoying the music. She was the only one enjoying it. I think it would have been far worse for us had she seen it and been affected by it.

Hanging out with the LTC residents means that anything can happen to any of them at any time. I'm so sorry for your distressing experience. May you receive peace in your heart as you work through the shock.
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Reply to Geaton777
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A grief counselor could help if someone is struggling .
I personally would not be shocked about an elderly person dying suddenly in assisted living . Lethal heart attacks or strokes can be sudden and quick . My mother died suddenly in AL sitting in her chair in her room . The staff found her already deceased .
My husband was recently on an airplane when an elderly passenger died . It didn’t even make it on the news .
Large cruise ships have actual morgues due to the fact that elderly people die suddenly ( often overnight in bed ) on cruises .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Rosered6 Aug 19, 2025
Thank you. I appreciate your kind response.
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