Assisted living facility refuses to call me if my parents get sick or injured and only calls my sister who is medical POA. What can we do?

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What can I do to get the assisted living facility to call me or my brother when my mom or dad are sick or injured? They will only call youngest sister who has Medical POA but she will NOT let us know what is going on. I think it's common sense that myself or my brother should be called also. I am the closest to the assisted living (25 minutes). Medical POA sister has home 5-6 hours away. My mom signed another POA yesterday stating that she wanted a Primary POA and one secondary POA notified and we had it notorized. Mom was mad and said it was bullshit that my brother and I are not notified. But the director at the place said my mom has cognitive disorder and threw out the new POA which was only 2 years difference than older one and she had the same cognitive disorder back then. Sister has mental health issues such as control freak, anger and hate issues and takes pleasure "knowledge is power". Director at Assisted Living absolutely refuses to make more than one call to my sister. What can we do? Sister is hopeless we have tried for 25 years to communicate with her and it doesn't work.

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Barb good question. She said she was going to check medical records. Director was kind of mean I thought. Need to talk to her again but she was very unsympathetic.
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Reply to Lynne4now
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How does the director have the authority to dismiss the POA mom signed?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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So true, families don't pull together. Wondering if I propose one group text that the NH could send once and it would go to all?? They already make one call to my sister, why not if I get approvals in place, just send ONE text message to all three of us. Will see if that will be an option. Plus I am going to ask the lady a few doors down to call me if something happens. It might not change with my angry sister but there might be ways around the problem. I'm not giving up because I am not asking for much. I do agree with staying out of the way of the NH. My sister is so in their face it would drive me crazy.
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Reply to Lynne4now
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Lynne-
I have a similar situation in which my brother has control over my mother. She lives with him. He has POA, but she's competent and can make her own decisions. POA is pointless. However, he likes to control everything and does not call any of the rest of us sibs with updates. EVER. We hear about ER runs and illnesses from random sources! (Mother cannot use her cell phone and brother refuses to re-install her landline).

I've tried texting, calling, emailing, going to his house and talking till I'm blue in the face. We had an "all hands on deck" meeting the 2nd of Jan this year in which we all (5 of us) had a chance to air our concerns and "need to know". Brother just lost it, angry and yelling and screaming---we don't know why. Probably guilt over doing a subpar job--but we all stand ready to support him--he won't LET us.

Anyway, he DID promise we'd get a weekly update on mother. Has he done that? Of course not. He has banned me (I used to go 2-3 days a week for short periods and help mother with small things, and TRY to clean) but he shut that down. I am allowed only to see her in the common living room area. It's so stupid.

I'm the only sib who "cares" so it bothers only me. I have had to swallow my anger and do what he wants.

What I am saying is, you CANNOT change the dynamic here. Getting dad to sign a POA naming you is a big step. If dad is still that competent, I'd just ask him to call you and get the 411. Forget about sister.

And the facility is bound by the rules--also they cannot spend all day trying to track down family members. More than one NH staff member told me they could do a lot more for their residents if the FAMILIES would stay the heck out of the fray.

--if you're visiting weekly, that's great. JUst ask dad to call you in case of any change in Mom's health. The family should pull together. SHOULD. Often don't.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Thanks everyone for your responses. My first blog ever.
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Reply to Lynne4now
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My dad always calls me first and makes sure I know but this time he was unable to call. I found out why he calls me first. He signed the new Medical POA in May 2017 and was not sure my angry sister would call the rest of us. It is my parents wish that we all be notified if something happens. Mom is very aware of what medical POA and POA is and she will voice her opinion but in 10 minutes she forgets. She has short term memory loss. So is there any legal way I can make my angry sister notify the immediate family? Remember I do not want medical POA I just want to know if my parents become ill, go to the hospital or pass away. My brother and I both visit parents weekly. I will go more often if necessary. Angry sister goes 1 - 2 times a week. They are well taken care of. My goal of being notified is so that I can help.
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Reply to Lynne4now
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Would dad call you if something happens to mom? The facility is not going to put themselves in the midst of family squabbles or dysfunction. Their job is to provide care for mom and dad.

I went through the same with my mom and twisted sib#2, the POA. I would not be updated ever, until close to the end of mom's life. This is quite common. I was succesor, cared for mom for four years, then it was like a switch being turned off. Also remember that it is the POA'S responsibility to keep medical information private. Yes it is hard. How often do you visit? That is a great way to build relationships with staff of they see you are being very attentive to your folks.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Call the facility once a week and ask how your parents are doing.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Can your mother understand what assigning a POA and Medical POA means?
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Lynne4now do you know any of the caregivers at site on person to person level?
or any staff? ...get in good with one of them and slip them your phone #, tell them to call you if anything happens... in the between time until new POA being created / signed.

I'm sorry about your Sister. I too have four other siblings, I am the youngest and I am here with my Parents now. I don't have POA set up nor does my Dad want to go that route yet. I realize in their older age, they are quite paranoid, not trusting in certain areas. I keep all of them in the loop at least weekly, if any major changes with her ailment. They also call periodically.

Hope everything works out for you.
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Reply to beerita
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