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My mother is being asked to leave her assisted living facility. Her dementia has caused her to be pretty nasty to the workers and one resident she hates. She also won’t let them do anything for her. Won’t eat their food, won’t let them in her room to clean up her literal sh*t and won’t let them dispense her meds. She is still able to do many things but the dementia is something she won’t acknowledge. Now they want to kick her out and she is only able to be in a ALF because of Medicaid. I’m pretty scared. She cannot live with me. I already have my Dad. She says they are lying to get her out. She thinks she is a victim. She does not think she can’t live on her own. She does not remember the many times I have spent days cleaning that old apartment. I live in the next state over about three hours always. I can only get there once in awhile because my work is short staffed. I’m so tired and worried. Any advice? My sibs all live too far to help and they have no money to contribute. How do you get them to acknowledge they have dementia when they forget everything they did that showed you they have dementia?

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Your Mom likely needs a higher level of care, memory care or nursing home. Are you POA for your Mom? You should not be investing your own or your siblings money in the care of your Mom. She should be on medicaid. You should likely be certain not to take on guardianship or POA. Let the State do that and then they and their social workers can work on getting a diagnosis and getting placement. That is something that may be too difficult for you, and if your Mom already suffers from dementia it is too late for her to appoint a POA in any case; sounds like she would not cooperate. Be certain not to accept her into your home temporarily or she will never leave it again.
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Just wondering--why is she not on 'calming meds?'

If she has a UTI that can't be cleared up--that can make her behavior unbelievable. But if she's 'physically healthy' then certainly something can be given to her to take the edge off the anger and acting out.

And yes! she needs to be in the proper facility for her level of care.
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She doesn't belong in AL anyway. Her dementia dictates that she belongs in memory care at least where they can handle patients like her.

However, Medicaid holds the purse, so talk to the SW about options and under no circumstances agree to take her, even temporarily.
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Medicaid is paying for the AL? Then it should be no problem getting her into Long-term care. You call her caseworker and tell them she is now beyond the care that an AL is capable of giving and she is being asked to leave. That she now needs LTC. How do you go about transferring her from one to the other and having her remain on Medicaid. Not sure if they will pay for Memory Care.

Ask the AL to bear with you a little longer while you get things set up. You will need to find a Medicaid facility. She is going to need to fit LTC criteria so hopefully someone will come to interview Mom.
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Not officially given the 30 day. They want to have a discharge meeting. All I know. They have not selected a time for the meeting they wanted to have today. So I am anxious. I am actively looking for another home. As well as a psych exam which they have said they would get three times in three years and never have. The person is supposed to come there regularly but they never get it done.
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I had my Daddy in an AL for three months - sorry not the best place even after I investigated the place. Anyway, the best place I did find was a group home. OMGoodness, the care they gave him and the personal attention was sooooo much better. When he was transferred there I was not happy but after three days it came to me that it was the best move ever!! The caregivers there knew what to do and who to call. If my Daddy gave them a hard time the caregivers would call me... even in the late night early morning... which I did not mind because it was my Daddy. I would talk to him on the phone and calm him down and if they needed to add new meds then they would call me. It was a great move so you may want to try a group home ask your social worker.
Prayers
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If you decide to look for a place , I suggest you google care advisors.. get one local to where you are placing. I used Care Patrol, twice in my area… an independent in another city. These people are a God send. They will arrange tours , meet you there to work with administrator, they know the area , cost, reputation, openings, your needs.

wish you luck !
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She sounds like she needs to be moved to a nursing home which would be covered by Medicaid. You need to speak with the administration and have them help arrange for placement someplace else.
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Has she been checked for a UTI? Having one can really alter a person's behavior. She needs to go to an Urgent Care or ER. I'd discount this first. Does she have an actual diagnosis of dementia? Did she willingly go into the AL? How long has she been there? Your profile says you are her PoA so now you need to talk to her doctor to see if medication for aggression/anxiety would help. She needs to stay in the AL. It's not their job to "fix" her behavior, it's the PoA's responsibility. Have you called and talked to the admins at the facility? Sometimes they can give helpful advice since they've "seen it all". At the very least call to tell them your situation and that you're working on it so they'll have more patience with it (if you haven't already done this). It's not uncommon for someone with dementia to not recognize their own disease. It's called anosognosia. It will be hard and stressful for a while but then once her behavior is improved, the clouds will pass. You may want to consider moving her to a facility more local to you since long-distance management often adds to the caregiving burden. I wish you success in getting through this crisis!
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Librarygal Oct 2022
She came into the ALF she is in now because of a severe UTI. She admitted she needed extra help was excited about the social stuff. However shortly after they went into harsh lockdown. Covid started 3 months after she moved in. Then it represented prison. Now the other resident spend their days making up conspiracy theories about the staff and she just goes with it hard. She has been asked to leave before and they always reversed it. Also the administration and full staff have turned over at least three times. I receive zero communication from any of them. I don’t even have the current admins name. The nurse is new who called. He sat in the background and whispered stuff to her. Repair man is always turning over. In the beginning it seemed very wonderful. Now I wonder at the capabilities of the staff. I am having her checked out for UTI and Stroke. Dementia diagnosis is not yet official. And she is good a a teen j learned her “show timing.”
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Has she been given a "30 day notice"?

In your shoes, I would communicate with the SW or administration at the AL, not your mom. Ask what there plan is if she doesn't leave voluntarily. Tell them, forcefully, that living with you is not an option.

Likely they will take her to the ER and from there, the state will assume guardianship and she will be found a nursing home to stay in.
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