Follow
Share

When she was younger, she did most all the things those without medication or diagnosis would do; mischievous, stole things, killed the neighbors dog, burned down 2, possibly 3 houses, that I'm aware of, had an affair, etc. She suffers from severe paranoia and bipolar, has no friends. Meaner than a snake. If she has to wait on anything, she will yell out in public about it and tell them "I'm never coming back to this damned place again!" even doctors offices. She meets people that she doesn't know at the door with a double barrel shotgun in hand.
Her symptoms surfaced very badly right after I was born. My father took her son and me to live with separate grandparents. She wound up in the state mental institution for about 3 months in 1961. Placed on such med's as phenobarbital, it made no difference in her personality except to exacerbate the situation. She got her son back; I remained with fathers parents until I was 4 1/2 and only came home then because my grandfather died at age 54 and my grandmother had to go to work.
She lived with me so many times, I can't begin to count them all. When I was 21 she went off the deep end in a multitude of ways! I finally got her to see a doctor and he told her she could admit herself to the state mental institution or he would have a judge sign the orders! She was there 2 weeks, but no diagnosis.
She tired living alone and with her son, but has never been responsible with money, so she always had to move on to somewhere else; mostly back to me.
After convincing her to see a psychiatrist again (she was very depressed), he asked her to check herself into the local mental institution, after 3 months there and trying multiple medications, she was diagnosed Bipolar w/ a possible borderline personality disorder and severe paranoia.
She now lives in my fathers home (ex husband) after her husband died, her mobile home burned to the ground 2 months later, she couldn't stand living with me or her son and my father (a retired truck driver now) told her she could always stay and take care of his place.
I am now the full time caregiver for a father I barely know (he was gone for over 46 years) and is dying a slow death of multiple medical problems.
After a recent visit to see her, and father to visit his home, there were multiple mental explosions! She never wants to see or talk to me and my husband again or my father.
I have no idea what to do with her. She cannot handle the old house and 7 acres alone much longer. Her SS is gone before you know no it. My father pays the electricity, that I had placed in my name, home insurance and cable bill. I got her a cell phone yrs ago. I pay this bill and she sends me money for the home phone bill. She gets almost $1700 a month between SS and a small check from her deceased husbands pension. It's gone and she's over drawn every month!
She needs to be placed somewhere else as she doesn't take her medication properly and her condition is continually worsening. She would never sign a full POA and I really don't know what can be done. She lives way out in the country and drives her other family members nuts by calling them all day, time after time!
Is there anything that can be done. I worked with advocacy for many years before I retired to take care of family members, but I have never dealt with a situation like this.
She is armed and dangerous! The things that she has done would make a Stephen King novel look mild! Her passed these wonderful genes along to her son, of whom has done worse things than she has. I had to divorce him from my life!
I fear that she will burn down my father's home, without hesitation if told to leave.
I just don't know where to turn to. Is there a professional person that can help me, help her?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thank you Frustrated2,
I am at one advantage; my mother lives about 4 hours from me. It's really amazing how much one women can do to so many people and live in the middle of no where, by just using a phone!
We've seen each other about 6 or so times in the past year, but each time, I can see how much worse she is than the time before. On the phone she can sound completely normal and then in a twinkling of an eye, her mind will do a complete 180 and the other side will show! It's like Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome or something out of the 3 Faces of Eve or Sybille. No, she doesn't have a split personality, but she has her fairly nice side and then her very wicked side. Perhaps having her live so far away is not a bad thing.
She is a human being that is very ill and I want to make certain that she has the best care available, when the time comes. I just need to let the proper authorities know, so that don't send anyone there that doesn't know anything about mental illnesses.
As I said, I do believe I've found the people that can assist when the time comes, now I just have to sit down (when I have some time away from being my father's full time caregiver) to put the pieces of the puzzle together so that all falls in place when it becomes necessary.
I hope to be talking to Elderly law attorney group in the next 2 weeks.
Thanks for the hug,
S.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sorry that I repeated myself about some of the stuff above. I missed your response the first time. I get your point. Something is so wrong with the mental health system. Your story reminded me of a young friend I have who had a baby a few years ago. At the time the baby came home, they were of course up in the middle of the night. Their across the street neighbors were an elderly couple and their mid-40's schizophrenic son, who took the unusual patterns of lights on and off where previously they were not, as a sign from God that he should kill them. They had a lovely home and are the sweetest young couple. The husband is even an attorney but couldn't really do much to stop the late night rants, attacks on the front door trying to break it down, endless reports to the police. Etc. When this guy would be taken in for questioning or when police showed up, he could act 'normal' enough and they would leave. Finally, the husband recorded every single incident and filmed whatever he could to use as evidence. One night he literally almost (the neighbor) succeeded in breaking down the door. He had several weapons. The issue went to court and they sentenced the mentally ill man to 18 months in a psychiatric hospital for violent mental cases. In that time these people had to move before he got out. I have no idea what happened with the sale of their house. I don't even know if you have to tell other people about those things. I am sure the elderly parents are terrified both of and for their son.
Anyway, you are sincerely in my prayers. I do pray you will have resolution in your efforts with NAMI, above, and that you will be safe and be able to somehow care for your own self. XX00
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

SunFlo2, you might want to start with the Alzheimer's Association. They have been a great help with my father!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mamoogins my heart goes out to you. It sounds like having hercommitted is a temporary solution to a permanent problem!

I know that drugs get a bad rap on this site often, but I think if only we could ensure that the seriously mentally ill took their medications (and saw their doctors on a regular schedule so the dosage could be adjusted) a great deal of very bad outcomes could be prevented.

A dear childhood friend of one of my children manages fine on medications, but when he decides he doesn't need them he winds up in jail or a mental hospital. And as you say, once he is stabilized on drugs they release him. So very, very sad. I'd hate to see him locked up for life, because he can have a quality life independently if he continues to see his therapist and takes his drugs.

I surely do not know what the solution is for our mentally ill population. But I think I have glimmer of understanding of how hard it is on their loved ones. Hugs to you!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I contacted NAMI this morning. There are several routes that I can take now, but none of them are easy or settling on your mind. I just have to make up my mind which way I need to go. The state NAMI office was very helpful and, oh.......not to worry; my name is not on anything of hers! It just seems hopeless at times when the light at the end of the tunnel is another oncoming train! It would make it much easier if I wasn't already caring for my father with multiple illnesses and congestive heart failure (you never know what the next morning will bring!), my daughter that just had a double mastectomy due to invasive ductile carcinoma and my husband that suffers from PTSD and severe depression. Calgon; take me away!!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

alwayslearning-
I would like to learn more about getting a file with the local senior agencies that you reference. I'm in similar situation although my mother doesn't have mental illness -- but does have dementia and start of Alzheimers.

I'm in similar boat to mammogins -- mother refuses help; wouldn't let outsiders in; won't allow meals on wheels and doesn't talk to anyone on the phone -- she never calls me and if I call her it can take days for her to answer. I've called in police to check in on her a couple times; every time she is coherent and seems fine so they let her be. We've been to dr and they are monitoring -- but now she won't go back for follow up visits and they don't think she is mentally incompetent enough to force anything. I have not gone to attorneys as she can take care of herself at times. She really wants "life to be over" and everyone out of her business. I've just kind of laid off for a few weeks now and haven't called since the police visited her (3 wks) and she got her phone fixed. I guess I'm waiting her out at this point. I don't know which way to go either -- get her help "That I want her to have to be safe and healthy, social" or let her be and do "what she wants to do -- which is be left alone". I found pushing her leads to same as mammogins -- agitated, combative and potentially unsafe for anyone who tries to come in and help -- family or otherwise. Sorry mammogins; no help from my side but I would take advice of "alwayslearning". Think of yourself first and make sure you aren't in the financial/liability fray. Looks like you will have to wait for "precipating event" that lands her in hospital and psych eval and they will take from there.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don't completely understand, I guess, why, with her history and current behavior, you cannot have her declared incompetent and get POA for her so that she can be prevented from harming herself or anybody else. I am certainly not being critical, just wondering. Have you talked recently to an attorney about this? Also, has she recently been Baker Act-ed for evaluation? Bless you and your family, coping with this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear Frustrated 2,
You are absolutely correct about the Baker Act, but my fear is that she will burn this house down too or something crazy. With both of her diagnoses (Bipolar and antisocial personality disorder), she is like a lit stick of dynamite, just waiting to go off. The slightest thing can tilt her in the wrong direction! As far as having her committed (knowing she can't make proper decisions on her own), she'll take her medicine as directed and after a while they will let her go; then she'll back off like she always does and the same scenario will start all over again. I've been down this road with her 3 times, and each time the situation only got worse. They can't hold someone that is technically "well." Thanks for the advice!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think I would consult an attorney to see if she can be named incompetent. I seems as if she IS a danger to herself and to others. You may be then able to have her committed and/or cared for where she can be monitored, safe and sound, medicated properly. You could have her Baker Act(ed) for I think 72 hours if she does something really out there, makes threats or attempts, etc. She is not, as you know, capable of making sound decisions.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

OMG. I have no answers for you but want to send a cyber hug. What alwayslearning says makes sense, but I wish there were a quick fix. Hugs to you!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also (hit "submit" too soon) go to your local government's (city or state) agency on aging. They should start a file if she doesn't already have one, so they are aware of her and her needs and the impossibility of the situation. Maybe they can help now; more likely they will simply be better positioned to help when things deteriorate in the future, and that's worth it now. It also records the fact that you are trying to help.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Holy cow. Look, the first thing you have to do is more of what you've clearly done in the past: limit the damage she can cause you. Get her bills out of your name so she can't destroy your credit, carry no legal liability on the property where she's staying so you can't be sued for damages if she hurts someone there or burns it down or whatever, do NOT take legal guardianship even if it's offered, like that. It's lovely of you to want to prevent bad things from happening to her, and to prevent her from making bad things happen to other people, but start with you. You're the only one you have full control over.
Now... it sounds like at a certain point she's going to commit some visible crimes and be caught. At that point, the state will step in; she'll be prosecuted and probably end up in an institution involuntarily. That may not necessarily be a bad thing. Wrap your brain around this. She severely disordered and needs help; she won't get it for herself and you can't make her get it. That may be the only way her very sad story ends in a place where she's got any kind of care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Karieh,

I appreciate your response......anyone's response! Perhaps you didn't read the entire question and story that went along with my question. My mother is "TOTALLY" anti-social and honestly, if I ever sent anyone out to her home, she would meet them at the door with a shotgun and run the off! She's been on meds for years, seen doctors and had them updated, but refuses to follow any doctors orders or take her medication properly. According to "her," she knows best and that's all that matters. She is truly plagued by her disability. I thank you for the link and will check it out.
Wishing you the best,
S.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mamoogins,

I am sorry that you are dealing with this right now. You can try home care they are a great resources for those living independently. I am not sure about her personality disorders. The home care staff should be able to care for her with those issues but it is a tough issue. Maybe some medicine for the bipolar or paranoia?

Wish I could help more. If you are interested in home care click the following link and fill in you information.

https://www.agingcare.com/Home-Care

Best of Luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.