Asking your parent to help pay for expenses?

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My mother moved in with my husband and I 5 months ago. We have not asked her to help with any of the bills etc. and she has not offered except to chip in $20 for my cleaning lady that costs $100. This is okay, we are doing what we think is the right thing to do. However, we have asked her to cover the cost of a caregiver when we go away for a long weekend or I travel with my husband on a business trip. The cost is $100 per day. She was in shock at first but has finally agreed to do it. She's on a budget but can certainly afford this. The nest egg she does have she won't touch because she says that's our inheritance, my two brothers and I. I keep telling her that money is hers, she's still alive, and if she needs it she should spend it. Anyway.... This is much harder than my husband and I anticipated. My biggest challenge is balancing my time between my mother, my husband, and myself. Would love to hear your thoughts on the money issue....

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There is not enough money in the world to pay a Caregiver that is a family member. The HOMES get paid to do this and they make a ton at it. Whenever there are expenses, the agreement should naturally be, that all parties pay. Your mom should just move aside, hand you a POA for financial and get over this saving the money for those kids who are not helping you right now. GET that POA and do it NOW as well as an attorney for everything else.
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My philosophy is that adults don't live in other adults' home without contributing! The size of the contribution is based upon ability but EVERY adult contributes. That includes young adults beginning their working lives. I've heard too many parents say 'oh I don't want to take money from them, they are trying to get established'. GUESS WHAT they will never move out with a free ride. (rant) ok, back to parents, Yes, they contribute with in their capacity. Costs increase - water bills, utility charges, groceries, etc. Discuss before they move in and stick with it!
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Great answers here. And I sure agree. I'll pass along one other anecdote:

"Mom, you didn't painstakingly save your money for an inheritance for us. You saved it for a rainy day. It's pouring outside right now. We need to spend some of it."
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It does not matter if you have a husband two kids, or no husband and no kids and are caring for your husband or Partner. I too thought this would be easy. How much work could it possibly be I thought. It is draining and you will be tired a LOT. I just asked about the same question. I have OUR money to pay the bills and pay for a housekeeper, but I also have to have money to care for myself, should he die first. I would love to take a short vacation, but I would have more work than ever when I got back. You should not have to ask for help. It should be understood. I wish you luck in getting the understanding UNDERSTOOD.
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Oops, I meant Peg. Sorry.
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What bites about this is that you are bearing the expense of having your mother live with you (as well as the time and energy commitment), but when your mother dies, her money will be split three ways. I would not be happy about that. Luckily my mother has no money, because if she did I would not be pleased to have to share it with a bunch of siblings who have never contributed a cent or a minute to her care. I agree with Peg that your mother should share expenses. But if she does hold on to her nest egg, it should be for her future care needs, not for an inheritance. Of course, it's her money - nobody else's opinion really counts.
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Don't you love it when a parent won't dust off the wallet because he/she is saving it for your inheritance. My parents [mid-90's] are still under their own roof, me under mine... they refuse to have people come into the house to help because they would need to pay them... they refuse to order on-line because there might be a delivery charge... etc.

Dad said to me one time, he doesn't want to touch that money as it will be my inheritance.... I said to him "what happens if he and Mom OUTLIVE me?"... Dad didn't know how to answer that. I told him because of their decision to live in a large house and being in their 90's, and not want to pay people to help, that it is highly stressful on me, and I now have serious health issues. Please start using that money to help themselves!!
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She should use her money for her portion of the bills. If there are three of you, split the costs three ways.
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