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Hi caregiving community!
For what it's worth, I recently posted a question about dealing with my mom during her temporary stay in a skilled nursing rehab facility after a fall fracturing her leg:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/is-it-reasonable-for-my-mom-to-ask-me-to-temporarily-move-to-her-house-5-hours-away-from-my-home-the-497075.htm
She was discharged home on 12/15/25, which was probably too early (but she received a NOMNC which she refused to allow me to appeal).
Today I'm seeking guidance in choosing the next step towards assisted living (or maybe a group home), which seems like an appropriate level of care to me as newbie.
I'm staying in her house for a few weeks until she can function more independently, hopefully close to her level before her fall.
Here's what's going well:
She has state-funded caregivers for 3-4 hours/day on weekdays, which helps a lot.
Her state DSHS case managers are ostensibly working on increasing her caregiver hours, especially during her times of highest need. I feel I "might" be able to go home soon if that happens.
Her insurance is paying for Eden Health personnel to come several times a week for two months, including Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Social Work, and a nurse (to streamline her medication regimen).
I've thought for a long time that she shouldn't be living alone, which several of the Eden Health people have also mentioned. I've tried to encourage her to consider moving for at least a year. She used to strongly object, but now she says "she might do it sometime".
She lives about 5 hours from me so I'm seeking the communities' guidance on the locational choice I will present to her:
1) Mom moves to a facility in her current city.Pros: She maintain current friendships
She keeps her current church, which she loves
She stays close to her only other living family member, her niece
Cons:I probably can't visit more often than every two months, which was my schedule before her fall
2) Move mom to a facility near my current homePros:I could visit at least weekly
My ex-wife lives close to me, so the grandkids can see me, their mom, and both their grandmas each time they visit.
Cons:I probably won't stay in current city much longer, since my girlfriend lives over two hours away from me. So I'm strongly considering moving close to her. However, finances may delay my move for year or so. So if my mom moves to my current city, then I subsequently move to my girlfriend's house, my mom would have to move twice in a short amount of time.
(For what it's worth, I'm currently renting a small house and there are many reasons that she can't move in with me)
3) Move my mom to a facility near my girlfriend's house, which is where I'm anticipating moving when I can (e.g. maybe in a year)
Pros:If I do follow this plan, my mom would only have to move once
My mom loves my girlfriend so she'd enjoy seeing her visit with me sometimes
Cons:If my mom moves to my girlfriend's city before I do, then I still wouldn't be close enough to visit my mom weekly at first. However I could probably visit her every two weeks during my regular trip to my girlfriend's house.

My mom's "dealbreakers" complicating her willingness to leave her house:
1) She has a small dog and she refuses to move unless he can go2) She has an extensive doll collection in several rooms of her house and based on her previous reactions, she will fight tooth and nail to avoid giving up any of it
Once again, I am exceedingly grateful for any insight and thoughts any of you feel like offering. Have a great day!

No need for mom to think she’s giving up possessions she cares about, just tell her some are being boxed up for “later” when things are more organized after a move. Later can keep changing or being delayed. Since you’re in a time of transition yourself, I’d vote for keeping mom in her area with familiar people. Don’t be surprised though if many of those people drop off, it’s common with aging and managed care. People somehow unintentionally think it’s contagious. There are places that accept pets, might be a bit harder to find, but they exist. I wish you well in finding the best plan
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Thanks, some great stuff for me to consider.

Now that you asked a specific doll question, I looked around and it's probably not as bad as I thought. I guesstimate about 120 dolls of various sizes, including a China cabinet full of them. A couple extra bookshelves plus the cabinet might cover it. That is, as long as she's willing to give up her stacks of books. I think giving up most of her old books would be an easier sell than giving up the dolls.
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Reply to wavemaster
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I'd say for now, have her move to a facility where she currently is, so she can maintain her friendships and her church. Talk to her pastor about making arrangements for her to get there, if possible. You can keep up with her on facetime and with phone calls in between visits. If she needs anything, you can order it for her. Find a facility that will let her keep her dog.

How many dolls are there, and how much room do they take up?
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Reply to MG8522
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Beethoven13 Jan 1, 2026
Start taking away some of the dolls each visit and donate or sell them. Another collector wants to see them/borrow them. Get rid of the ones she doesn’t even know she has. For heaven sakes, don’t give her any means to buy more.
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