Asked Mom to say thanks once in a while, instead she wrote out a list of all the gifts she has given me since 1st birthday. Respond how?

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Mom is in LTC, no dementia, only mobility problems. I go the extra mile but it is never enough, do her laundry, shopping for clothes, pay her phone and TV bills, do her banking, etc. etc. I recently did a huge sewing task for her, no thanks. When I mentioned she never say thank you, she wrote me out an itemized list of things she gave to me when she had to leave her house, with a value beside each item. I am so mad that I told her I would sell each item and give her the money. Does anybody else have a problem with their parents that they feel all the help you give them is owed? Nothing is appreciated.

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Some people just are unable to say I'm sorry or thank you. Why? I don't know. It's wrong, but there isn't really anything you can do about it. My Mom is a good person but I cannot ever remember her saying "I'm Sorry". It used to really bother me but years ago I realized it's her problem, not mine. She's the one whose missed out on the power of those two little words and the forgiveness they can bring.
Maybe your Mom has the same problem with saying "thank you". Again, it's wrong but you aren't going to change her. Accept her and realize it's her problem and it is what it is. If you don't expect a "thank you" you won't be disappointed.
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ChipsMom, I wondered if you wanted the things she gave to you when she moved or did you take them to please her. If you wanted the things, did you say thanks? If you did you could have pointed that out to her.

The truth is that many mothers feel that the children owe them because they gave life to them. It doesn't matter that the child never asked to be born, and you can argue the obligation point until the cows come home. It won't do any good. It is funny how some parents are quick to get onto us for something bad, but reluctant to say thank you. To tell you the truth, I am a bit shocked anytime my mother says thank you. Who is this person thanking me and what have you done with my mother? I think we are the only ones who realize how truly wonderful we are.
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Dear chipsmom (cmagnum so good to hear from you, Lindaz) If she is keeping accounts there really is not much you can do....some people are just like this, and not very nice, either. You could, if you want list all that you have done for her...but what would the point be? Tit for tat? Or you could just stop doing special things for her, that you did just because you're nice...and let her ask you why you've stopped. At this point you could start a dialog with her about keeping tabs, as she seems to be doing and say you don't want to play that "game" with her. A gift should be lovingly and freely given...not with a price tag attached. Blessings to you, Lindaz.
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well see, that is where I'm at a disadvantage. My loved one has dementia and for a long time has had that "mask" look so there is not any facial clue that things are good or bad. Also she, like I said before, doesn't really come up with anything new on her own. Just parrots. So I guess I should've not even responded to this post in the first place. My POV is totally different, and I acknowledge that.

I'm sorry ChipsMom, if I seemed insensitive to your plight. My apologies.
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tx, sometimes what's hitting the nerve is not that the thanks is not verbalized, but the underlying attitude is not one of gratitude or appreciation. What is this idea some parents have that because one is family, he/she is expected to help and there's no need to be appreciative or utter a simple thank you? It's just a simple kindness.
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Personally, I would also sell each item and give her the money. Put it all in an envelope, and write "You're welcome" on it.
Well....I might not have the guts. I wouldn't do it. Might as welll be honest....
Grrrrrrr!!!
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cmagnum, I didn't necessarily mean a ha ha sense of humor. Just that she was saying "Look, I've done and given to you all your life, and never expected thanks." Just my, perhaps warped, way of looking at it. I just try to think of caregiving as a gift, and some days it isn't very well received, but other days it is. If I didn't want to do it, or felt put upon, I'd see about making other arrangements for sure.
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I fail to see any humor in this at all nor any dementia if she can remember enough to make an itemized list of things she gave to you when she had to leave her house, with a value beside each item.
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That was not nice. If she doesn't have dementia, I can bet that she is slipping. If she is just mean, I would not be going to visit.
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Has she always been a taker? Did she train you to "do" for her when you were little and that was just what was expected? Now that you are an adult, you don't have to give, give, give, and I believe you were totally justified in asking for acknowledgement of a job well done! Since she is so obviously not forthcoming with any type of praise, I would back off myself and not be so available for chores. No is a.

Do you have POA? Is that why you take care of the bills? If you are not POA, then I would not work with her finances anymore. If this is her attitude, she is likely to accuse you of mishandling her account and you don't need an investigation based on lies.
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