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her. I am having a stress overload. She brought her daughter and daughter's boyfriend anyway. The daughter and boyfriend stayed at a friends house. In the mean time my neice came down with a a very bad cold. I told my sister please stay away from her daughter, she could get sick too. She said"I never get sick". I told her I felt uncomfortable about the situation. Mom has a weakend immune system,(cancer) and I; very little strength. I can not handle a cold. Needless to say I asked her to leave when she chose to spend the day with her daughter(mainly in a car with the windows up). I told her even if she does not have symptoms she could still be a carrier. She would have to leave for about 10 days. Of course she thinks I have no basis to ask her to leave. I am standing my ground. I just can not take a chance. I will be me left being ill or taking care of mom if a we become infected. She will be on a plane back to her home town. When I asked her why did she take a chance getting us ill; her reply was "Shes my daughter, I wanted to spend time with her. This was a visit to help me get some rest. She turned it into a family vacation. She comes only once a year. I take care of mom 365 days a year. Should I feel guilty in asking her to leave? Was ten days to long to ask her to stay away in fear of her be infectious?

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You will feel guilty any way but do the right thing and protect yourself and your family. It is thoughtless of her to be so inconsiderate towards you when you clearly are already doing the lion share of the work here, a guest should respect your wishes in your home...People put up with a lot from family they never would from a paying guest or friend i think, and when it is a safety or health issue. I say put your foot down and keep it there...but be prepared for fall out! Good luck, These things are NEVER easy!
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No, you did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, these things happen. Your sister having her daughter and boyfriend stay at someone else's home shows she was trying to accommodate your wishes/respect your rooming limitations. Your niece getting sick was plain bad luck. You did the right thing, and I hope that in hindsight, your sister will know it, too, and not hold a grudge.
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I'm so sorry you are experiencing that extra stress.

Toward your Sister you seemed to have explained things well... and in advance. You also hit the nail on the head when you stated you'll still be there contending with problems that might arise - without any help. It seems that like all of us when we're alone, you need simple reassurance at what you already know to be true is just that... true. Good for you!!!

When siblings, et al, refuse to provide consistent help, they themselves by their actions have clearly declared there can be only ONE person wholly responsible. YOU make the decisions. Stick your ground!

Keep looking up.

V
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No, it was not. You are pefectly within reason to do that. You are dealing with a very ill parent and under normal circumstances it can still be trying. From what you wrote you seem graceful to have lasted that long or even allowed her to 'visit'. Do not spend one more minute on how someone else feels-you need to stay well to help your Mom. Take care-prayers to you. -new41
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I don't think that you were out of line to ask your sister to come alone & once she arrived at your home with her daughter & her daughter's boyfriend I think that it would make perfect sense to find a motel nearby & ask them to stay there. They could come & visit your mother, hopefully helping you with meal preparations, doctor's visits etc. But once one of them became sick I think they should stay away. Maybe you could call your mother's doctor & ask him/her to write a note explaining that with his patient's compromised immune system that they can not be exposed to someone with an infectious disease (cold). It sounds like your sister is being very selfish & inconsiderate in this situation. I hope that you have friends that you can speak with & hopefully a local support system that can help you. You need a break! Even if it's only a few hours a week having lunch with a friend our going out to a movie. It's important that you take care of yourself, you have a very important & stressful job in taking care of your Mom.
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Heck it's your HOUSE isn't it in the end? Geezus I understand that you want neither yourself or your mom getting sick. At her age it is not a good thing and for a caregiver neither a good thing...geezus did she not GET IT?
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Hope something helps, it is a painful situation, "accommodation or death" is not really fair here....
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I would not feel guilty to ask her to leave if I were you. My oldest sister stayed at Christmas, first it was just for a few days. Then ended up for 2 weeks. I have always loved and respected my older siblings but this lady was pushing it. In fact she ended up starting a fight between myself and my mother. The next time she comes to stay ( she never comes to help, she did some dishes twice.) and starts any problems with me or my mom, I will not show her any respect or love. She also was ill with a cold and that could only make my job harder. So if she is sick or if she isn't going to help out or she thinks she can start any problems and not be held accountable. She will not be asked to leave she will be told. I don't want to be nasty but she isn't showing any of us any respect or love. So stand your ground and be heard, because some people just don't get it. So take care of yourself so you can take care of your mom.
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Dear Coach, sorry to hear about your dilemma. I totally agree, your sister is very self-centered and has no empathy. Please just look after yourself, so you can still care for you Mum.

God Bless, Gossip3
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no i dont think you shoul feel guilty at all
you should stand your ground
and should be comended if you can
these relatives need to get a grip on reality and spend a month or at least a week doing what we do
they will then feel the same way when they have to pick up after someone their size with equal demands or more and just maybe then they will understand
then the nerve to bring in others
that tops the cake
dont let the family bully you into or out of what you know you need to do for your loved one of you can help it
it isnt easy as it is
STAND YOUR GROUND
truecolors
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