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As some of her personal needs then, I'd add a caretaker to come in a few days a week to watch her and give you a break. That could be part of the 'expenses' that your brother is intent on paying only. And if he says no to the extra money, then tell him that HE needs to come and stay for awhile instead of a paid worker. That ought shut him up I bet. But I would have it all figured out when you 'tell' him. Know exactly how much it will be, and what agency you're going to go thru. He's gonna need it in black and white, and probably the bottom line too.
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I don't understand children fighting over who is going to take care of mom and to pay for it. I would give all I have to have my mother back.
When your mom is gone have the bills ready, do it weekly, even what you would charge to take care of her. Then when they read the will put you bill in. That should take care of it. I know I may have made some of you mad at my remark but you who believe in the bible, it says that a person who will not care for their family is worse than an unbeliever.
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For me, I say the one that is doing the job, oughta be the one that is saying where the money is going. I would have NO problem at all if my m-i-l #1 son wanted to take over everything, including the money. Don't care.
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I'm with you Naheaton on that one.

Hey here's a suggestion:

Hire an in home care giver for oh say 2 days per week. Give the agency your brother's address as the billing address and since he takes care of the money, don't ask him, just tell him this is what you're doing. Don't look for any if, ands, buts, or whys, just have it all figured out and let him know that he'll be getting this bill.
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My folks are living off a reverse mortgage right now, and it seems to be working fine for them. They don't have a pension like my mother-in-law gets, only social security. It's been a life saver for them (and us).
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