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How do I ask them? I want to approach family members to ask them to donate money to help out with my grandmas homecare, what should i say and do you think its poor taste to ask her kids, and grandkids that live out of state for money donations ?

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No offense, but Auntie won't tell you because there is either property or $$ squirreled away. That $$ should be used for your Grandmother's care.....OTHERWISE, she would qualify for Medicaid. Sounds like you need to host a good old fashioned family meeting. Is the Aunt POA? If she is...it IS HER job to figure this out. She should resign her POA and assign it to you if you are the "go to" caregiver.

Hang in there...you are doing a kind and wonderful thing because most grandchildren would never do what you are doing....my hat's off to you! But be persistant, be insistant with Auntie.....you are the one holding the bag....you have to know why no Medicaid.
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Where are you living? If it is her home, that could be part of the reason Medicaid is being denied. Orrrr, maybe Medicaid was never applied for because the kids wanted to protect the house.

I know we all sound suspicious, but that is because we've all been to the rodeo. You are a babe in the woods.

So, gram needs help. There's no more money.

Call Adult Protective Services. Tell them you are gram's only caregiver...she's out of money (at least that YOU know about)...and you've been told she is not entitled to Medicaid although no one will tell you why.

In other words, call out the dogs.
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If Auntie wants to keep her POA, then she should come up with a way to pay YOU something for caregiving. You are probably of the age where your time should be used earning to educate yourself, buy a home, have a family. Do not pass up your prime earning years so that other fat cats can sit on their tukkus.!
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Nan, Mincemeat is right, the kids already took her money, that's why Medicaid won't pay. Unfortunately Michigan does not have filial responsibility laws, so you cannot force them to pay for her care. Medicaid has already informed them of the amount they have to pay back. It could be a LOT. Vultures!!
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Just one more thing... don't let them convince you to quit your job and become granny's caregiver. They will try to tell you that they'll pay you after they inherit the money. Don't fall for this. It NEVER works out.
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Nan, please listen to everyone's advice. I started helping dad with mom when I was about 23-24 years old. I did NOT know that mom's 'illness' would last this long. As in 23 years later! The longer I stayed, the less freedom I got. I kept a low paying job because it gave me flexibility if I needed to work part-time to help dad with mom, or to call in and say that I cannot come to work today because.... Sadly, my social security income - when I do retire- will be too low to rely on. Aunty is POA, let her do her job. You also need to start seriously on getting a job for your old age. You don't want to end up like grandma - at the mercy of others. You can still be there for grandma on your time offs - but not as her major caregiver. Let Aunty know this - otherwise, she will not do anything. I hate it when adult children tricks their nieces/nephews/children to 'take over' the caregiving of their parent. They lived their lives the way they wanted (job,marry, kids, grands,etc..) They should step up to the plate.

Set goals on what you want in your life, for grandma's care - and how to Reasonably achieve this. Have a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A's rarely happen. Don't give ultimatums that you're not prepared to carry out. Please update us. There's always someone here who give viewpoints that none of thought to mention.
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Here's the thing. Grandma's money should be paying for Grandma's care, and whether it's her money in the bank of government funds that arise from her and her spouse having paid taxes for 70 years, it doesn't make a difference. If grandma has dementia, she's eventually going to need 24 hour a day supervision. What are hourly caregiver rates in your area? Here, it's in the 20-25 dollar an hour range. That's a lot of money for any family to donate for very long.
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Mincemeat said that so much better! Yes, you should realize that Medicaid was denied because Grandma has money in the bank that Aunt is trying to preserve as her "inheritance ". That money needs to be used for Grandma's care.
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There IS a reason she wouldn't qualify if she was destitute. If she got destitute by giving all her assets away in the five years before applying, then that would be a reason for not qualifying immediately.
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I'm unclear. Are you asking them to pay you for Grandma's care or are you trying to arrange for Grandma to have caregivers cone in? Of course, ANYONE who is caring for her has to get paid, whether it's you or someone else. Why doesn't she qualify for Medicaid ? Why are you in charge of this? Where are her children?
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