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My Dad has dementia and he's a recovering alcoholic. He's in a locked memory care unit. I like to invite him along to outings and he's gone several times to this one couple's house, by invitation. I accommodate him by taking along nonalcoholic or low (1%) alcohol wine/beer. Then other times when it's couples only, he's not invited. Fine. Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and we were invited to this couple's house, not my Dad. When the party was over the hostess said I could have invited my Dad (thanks for telling me now). But I kind of just avoided the whole issue b/c in addition, my bf doesn't like watching sporting events with Dad because he feels like my Dad will vote for the opposite team to be antagonistic, and I always get caught in the middle. It's embarrassing that he takes sports so seriously that he gets angry at someone with dementia, IMHO. When I got home there was a message from my Dad, he knew it was Superbowl Sunday and what was I doing? I felt so bad. I want to be an advocate for my Dad but I feel like people don't want him along that much. Also let me add I don't own a TV and I'm not crazy about bringing my Dad to a sports bar and then telling him he can't drink. So going off alone with him is not really an option. So it would be me and him sitting in his room and he would definitely prefer to go out and would ask all these questions why I wouldn't take him along, where's my bf, etc.

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jem, it really is wonderful that your dad is involved in activities and enjoys them. It's a transition for you and like all transitions, you do it a little at a time and find your way. He has his routine and activities, you have yours and you'll find ones that you can do together. When you go to visit and get ditched because it's time for bingo, smile because he creating a life for himself.
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Jem, next time you get a similar invitation ask the host/ess if you can bring your Dad. Make it clear that you won't be offended if the answer is no, but don't be afraid to ask.

I'm more concerned that your b/f 'takes sports so seriously' that he is incapable of enjoying a televised match if he's not with his own partisan type. That is not sporting, that is tribal. True sportsmen are perfectly capable of going to the match itself with supporters of the opposing team and enjoying the game on its merits. In fact I'd call it definitive.

If his enjoyment, though, is spoiled by interruptions from your father or "intentional" (of course there is no intention with AD, but you know what I mean) provocation, then I'd be more sympathetic. But I have had to endure matches in the company of whitterers, know-it-alls, drunkards, one SIL whose cheers were like the whistle of an express train in my right ear, another SIL who complained so bitterly about the cold from kick-off to the final whistle that she didn't know who'd won… It's all atmosphere. Cope.
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My Dad didn't even mention it. I went by and got him yesterday for our choir rehearsal and nothing about the Superbowl. There was a party where he lives. So I guess he must have had a good time and forgot about it. He was in a very good chatty mood. I will take it to heart what you wrote Linda22 regarding future events, I am just at a different point in my life. My Dad is very social and has a good time where he lives (as reported by his nursing assistants) being the life of the party and leading sing-a-longs with people his own age, so I should be happy for that. He is hardly sitting in his room by himself all the time.
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jem, I used to take my mom with us to all sorts of gatherings, including to watch football. When I decided to stop this, I just told my mom and friends who asked that I wanted an evening with my husband. It was simple, usually stopped further discussion and was the truth. My mom spent the past 4 days bringing up how I was going to a SuperBowl party, and I'd remind myself that when she was my age, she had an extremely active social life (really into her 80's).
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Pamstegman, I think you are right about the Superbowl being an activity at his place. Certainly the staff was watching in the dining room and probably brought in the residents. My Dad even has a girlfriend there so he was probably with her. I did console myself somewhat with this likely scenario.

Vegaslady I have two problems with telling the truth: my Dad won't remember and will keep asking me why, digging up negative feelings over and over with respect to my boyfriend. I am not sure that this is a very productive thing to do. For his type of memory loss (and you can't know this) the emotional things and the repetitive things and especially the repetitive emotional things become locked in his memory as a negative experience because he fixates on them (but he might not even remember the details, just that there was something negative about my bf). It would just make him unnecessarily depressed and he wouldn't necessarily be capable of making amends to my bf and it might make future nonsports related activities with bf a little tense.
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You have explained it all. He's not well behaved, and should not be going to these events. I'm sure there was a Super Bowl game on at his place. That is as good as it gets. Accept the things you cannot change. No guilt.
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Just tell dad the truth if he brings it up again.
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