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There is more to this story, and I'd like to hear it. And no, you shouldn't be ashamed.
And if the person who is telling you that is the blood child of the person you're caring for, you need to take the kids and leave.
The only thing I can do when I get really frustrated is just voice my frustration very quietly, under my breath, in another room where I know she can't hear me. The dementia and the result of it (like the bathroom incidents) are not her fault.
Ask your Angel to guide you in your darkest hours.