Should I be ashamed of myself for feeling frustrated at times?

Sheila, I have a strong sense that some is telling you that you should be strong enough to raise and care for three young children and care for an elder besides. Without much support. Not a good message. Doesn't help.

There is more to this story, and I'd like to hear it. And no, you shouldn't be ashamed.

And if the person who is telling you that is the blood child of the person you're caring for, you need to take the kids and leave.

Sheila, we wouldn't be human if we didn't get frustrated with the things we have to deal with on a daily basis. Prime example - I thought Mom was having a pretty good day today, other than having a few more pee accidents than normal. Then I went into the bathroom and noticed a strong odor of poo....so I started searching for the source. Found it. The edge and side of the trash can was smeared with it, because she remembered to wipe after her BM (a good thing), but put the toilet paper in the trash instead of the toilet (not so much a good thing). Frustrating, because Mom is not so far into dementia yet that she needs (or will accept) help with toileting, but it just one more alarming sign that the dementia is progressing into new areas a little more as time goes on.

The only thing I can do when I get really frustrated is just voice my frustration very quietly, under my breath, in another room where I know she can't hear me. The dementia and the result of it (like the bathroom incidents) are not her fault.

We all feel frustrated, sometimes daily depending on the personality of our loved one. My mom pushes my buttons every morning by trash talking my dad who has done nothing. It is her delusions talking. I must not leap to defend him because she can't help it. I sometimes go in my bedroom & silently scream & tell her off. I have to do something with my anger at dementia, not my mom. So, you are normal, SheilaM!

Never. Try to unload the things you cannot change, and leave them to God.
Ask your Angel to guide you in your darkest hours.