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Mom is post stroke with vascular dementia and probably AD. she has trouble writing due to language and fine motor issues. sil brought her an adaptive pen, mom says oh I don't know how to use it. When sil asks " doesn't the therapist work with that " mom says she doesn't get therapy "anymore". I'm inclined just to chalk this up to mom's short term memory loss, since i talk to the therapists each week and they seem up on what's going on. How to verify she's getting therapy? How to approach sil who is frankly still in "fixit" mode?

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I guess I should have asked how I get my dear dear sister in law who manages mom's money and visits her several times a week to understand that we none of us can count on mom for accuracy anymore. I guess I got the full picture this past summer when mom said to me, with the nurse who had just given her meds still in the room, " you know I have to take my medication by myself these days". She was pointing at the water pitcher. I said to her , "mom nurse Wendy just gave you your meds". Mom said "oh she did?". My sister in law just does seem to get that what mom says may not be based in reality anymore.
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I am writing down the time therapist came over and left my house. I note that actual time they worked with my client and the time they did paperwork. I report to the agency (who sent them) if I do not think that this particular therapist has suited plan for my resident: I ask for new therapist if my resident does not benefit from those sessions, or if therapist uses his/her phone/laptop/iPad through the session. They (therapists) think I am a pain-in-the-a** -- some asked if I even leave the house.... My residents and their families think I am their savior.
No, you can't rely on your loved one for any information regarding their care plan.
I had been once accused in hording diapers by mad son who asked his mother if she had any accidents and used more than 2 diapers a day. He called next day to apologize after his mother pooped her pants on the way to the bathroom but did not remember it 30 minutes after he cleaned her up. The worse part of it was that loving son was making all those accusations on front of his mother.... poor woman was soo embarrassed! Yes, AD makes you forget, but you still have array of feelings. Dignity and respect are so very important to everybody.
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Welcome to the world of Dementia. Eyerishlass is correct, In North Carolina everything has to be documented even if they refuse. We have residents that 30 seconds after you tell them something they have to be told again and again, it's a cruel disease.
You can try this ask that the PT take a picture and e-mail it to you. All of our residents families love that we post (no names HIPPA Laws) pictures every day of them enjoying their activities. You've got to trust the facility is doing it's job. You've also got to take in account how your Mother used to be and how she is now, if she was one to refuse help earlier chances are she won't be persuaded to join in PT time. We never force someone against their will they have residents rights and what they say goes. Ask when her PT time is and show up and see for yourself just do it to where your Mother does not see you as to distract her. It's really funny to hear some of the excuses they give as to why they can't attend something. "I've got to wash all the windows in this place". My (dead) husband and I are going out to breakfast", "I've already done that twice today"...... Just love them where they are in this exact moment. I stayed in "fixit" mode up to Moms last breath there is no fixit it's just day by day and believe that what they say is true cause to them it is. This frustrates them as much as you this is the time of unconditional love.
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With vascular dementia and probably AD you can't count on your mom to give you accurate answers. Go right to the source--therapy--and ask them for a progress report.

I have a patient I see each week. She has dementia. When I try to talk to her about her PT she denies ever having it. The first few times I met with her I checked and she was indeed getting PT everyday. Now I just tell her that I'll look into it and to be ready to work hard. But each time I meet with her she still tells me that she never receives PT.
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