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Dealing with progressive Aphasia, a form of Dementia, I see the slippery slope he is on. He is constantly losing ground and he is more confused. Very sad to watch. I do my best to keep a calm, pleasant environment. Overall he is happy. The reality though is pointing out that the runway is getting shorter. I still have a paid Caregiver and she is terrific.


When the final time arrives, what is your practical advice for me? Thank you in advance!🙏🌷

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I suggest that you contact Hospice. It sounds like he would qualify. First you would get a bit more help in as well as equipment and supplies. But Hospice would be your first call when he dies. They will take care of making the appropriate calls for you.
Do you have a funeral home chosen? Do you have everything planned out? Now would be the time to do so. You are not stressed (about the death) so you can make "rational" decisions and not be "pushed" into making decisions you normally would not make.
When my Husband died I made the call to Hospice and they had someone come out and she made all the calls necessary. The Funeral Home came and took him, actually they did a beautiful job, my Husband was a Veteran and they draped him with a quilt with flags on it. Hospice made a difficult, heartbreaking morning so much easier.
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Also, speak to his doctor and ask if he/she would be willing to sign off on the death certificate. Trust me, it will make things much easier when the time comes.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
Thank you dear notgoodenough!
I like your suggestion. It brought me relief. I will ask our family Doctor.
YOU are more than good enough for me, caring soul!
Hugs 🤗 and good wishes and smiles coming your way! 😊🌷
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Dear Godguidesme, if, at the time of death, he is under hospice care, call hospice (see below), not 911. If he is not under hospice care, call 911. If a death is expected, which your husband's will eventually be, it is not an emergency. You may want to sit with him and be alone before calling anyone. If you called 911, and if your husband has a DNR directive, present that to the EMT's otherwise they will try to revive him. Someone has to pronounce him deceased. It might be the EMTs or a hospice nurse or in some cases the coroner may show up.

Plan for the inevitable now. Choose a funeral home, if you have a church talk to the pastor about a service, and arrange for burial. Doing these things ahead of time will lessen the stress and anxiety of the process.

Hospice. Does he have difficulty with daily activities such as dressing, eating, showering, etc.? Is he losing weight? These symptoms could qualify him for palliative or hospice care. Both of these offer tremendous relief for the caregiver and excellent care of the patient. If he is not at that stage yet, keep those services in mind.

Your state Dept. of Aging can give you some advice and referrals. You may want to attend a dementia support group. The Alzheimer's Assn can help you find one.

P.S. Neither aphasia nor dementia are diseases. They are symptoms of some underlying disease. In your husbands case possibly frontotemporal dementia or, if he has a history of strokes, vascular dementia.

I wish you well.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
Dear shplegacy,
Yes he is loosing weight. Yes he has frontotemporal dementia.
Your answer gave me many good points to consider. I am grateful to you. Sending you wishes for many blessings! 🙏🌷
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Shamelessly pinched from the New Jersey Herald's Jim Miller:

Dear Savvy Senior,
This may seem like a strange question, but can you tell me what steps need to be taken after a loved one dies? My 80-year-old father has a terminal illness, and I would like to find out what I will need to do when he passes.
Only Daughter
Dear Only,
I’m sorry about your father’s situation but this is a great question many families inquire about when a loved one’s death becomes imminent.
Here’s a run-down of some things you can do now, and after his death, that can help keep a sad event from becoming even more painful.
Before death occurs
There are several tasks you can do now while your father is still living, that will make things a lot easier and less hectic for you after he dies.
For starters, find out where your dad keeps all his important papers like his will (also make sure it’s updated), birth certificate, marriage and divorce certificates,
Social Security information, life-insurance policies, military discharge papers, financial documents, and keys to a safe deposit box or home safe.
Also, if your dad doesn’t have an advanced directive, help him make one (see CaringInfo.org for free state-specific forms and instructions).
An advanced directive includes a living will that specifies his end-of-life medical treatments, and appoints a health-care proxy to make medical decisions if he becomes incapacitated.
In addition, you may also want to get a do-not-resuscitate (DNR) order, which will tell health care professionals not to perform CPR when your dad’s heart or breathing stops. Your dad’s doctor can help you with this.
You should also pre-arrange his funeral and burial or cremation.
Immediately after death
Once your father dies, you’ll need to get a legal pronouncement of death.


If no doctor is present, you’ll need to contact someone to do this.
So, if your dad dies at home under hospice care, call the hospice nurse, who can declare his death and help facilitate the transport of the body.
If he dies at home without hospice care, call 911, and have in hand his DNR document. Without one, paramedics will generally start emergency procedures and, except where permitted to pronounce death, take the person to an emergency room for a doctor to make the declaration.
If no autopsy is needed, you will need to call the funeral home, mortuary or crematorium to pick up the body.
If your dad is an organ or tissue donor, contact the funeral home or the county coroner immediately.
Within a few days
If funeral plans were not pre-arranged, you’ll need to make arrangements and prepare an obituary.


If your dad was in the military or belonged to a fraternal or religious group, you should contact those organizations too, because they may have burial benefits or conduct funeral services.
Up to 10 days after death
To wind down your dad’s financial affairs, you’ll need to get multiple copies of his death certificate. These are typically provided by the funeral home.
If you’re the executor of your dad’s estate, take his will to the appropriate county or city office to have it accepted for probate. And open a bank account for your dad’s estate to pay bills, including taxes, funeral costs, etc.
You also need to contact your dad’s estate attorney if he has one; tax preparer to see if estate or final income taxes should be filed; financial advisor for information on financial holdings; life insurance agent to get claim forms; his bank to locate and close accounts; and Social Security (800-772-1213) and other agencies that provided benefits to stop payments and, if applicable, ask about survivor benefits.
You should also cancel his credit cards and, if relevant, stop household services like utilities, mail, etc.
For more information on the duties of an executor, a great resource is “The Executor’s Guide: Settling A Loved One’s Estate or Trust” available at Nolo.com for $32.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
Oh Countrymouse! The information you shared is right on! So many tasks to do before and after! I do have all papers in place, like DNR etc and are well organized for easy access. You opened my eyes to so many things!
I am so grateful for your help.
I started a new to do list
just for this phase...You are an Angel!
There is so much strength we gain from each other on this forum!
Stay well!
Hugs, 🤗🌹
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I would have an assessment done for palliative care. That is the best way to deal with a death at home.

I know that you think he isn't ready for hospice, I am wondering what you think hospice is. Everything you said points to him being ready for hospice.

Please know that you are not required to give the meds they recommend. My sister refused morphine for pain and they provided a different medication. You also don't have to let anyone but yourself administer meds.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
Thank you Isthisreallyreal,
Good points. I will look into that even though now with the corona virus situation I hesitate to bring people in and out the house...
Stay safe!🌷
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Here is a link that leads to a brochure that explains hospice services covered by Medicare.

https://www.medicare.gov/Pubs/pdf/02154-medicare-hospice-benefits.pdf

If I were you I would google “Livingston, NJ Hospice” and you will find several listed.

Choose a couple and discuss your husband’s situation with them. They will tell you when their services are appropriate and can guide you through the process. They can help you keep him comfortable and support you as you make decisions for his care. You could also ask your husband’s doctor for a referral.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
I appreciate you taking the time. Not there yet but knowledge is power.
Stay safe!🌷
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This must be both a sad and scary time for you.

You dial 911 as you normally would. Have you contacted a funeral home already? If not, contact one in advance so you can tell the ambulance person where to take his body.

I will pray for you.
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Godguidesme Apr 2020
Thank you dear. Be blessed!🌹
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