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POA for 90 yo mom. 11th yr doing this, I’m 65. Mom is declining rapidly and still in own home. Lives with 70 yo brother who still works long hours: M-F, 5 am - 5:30 pm, some Saturdays. He refuses to retire and can’t make decisions. I feel he escapes to his work.


Mom has been on hospice roughly 1 month. Two RNs think she has six months left. Mom has some dementia, is weak and frail, now weighs 99 pounds. Has had numerous falls and some broken bones. Has osteoporosis, high blood pressure, reflux, hiatal hernia, other.


Hospice SW says mom should not be there by herself so long. (I go 2-3 times/week, 9-3 pm or so.)


Problem: Mom is resistant to any and all changes. Brother does not give me support. Mom is high-functioning (gets up and down, walks short distances, dresses herself, etc.) Every time I try to incorporate changes and safety precautions mom argues and becomes very angry. I try to stay calm and explain the reasoning …. It does no good.


So, I think I will have aides come gradually-maybe 2 times first week for four hours. To ease mom into the change. And then add more hours.


I feel exhausted from the emotional/mental stress. Many nights I cannot sleep. Some times I just wish she would die so I could have my life back with retired husband.


Any thoughts?

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Definitely get more help in her home, as her needs increase she will accept the help. And discuss most subjects far less with her, anything you know may bring on an argument, just don’t talk about
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You could have written my story… but I am 2 years into it… my mom was the same, I plowed ahead , hired the in home help. She sent them home.. I didn’t let that stop me. She always wanted a maid , so I used that… sorry I know , but it helped getting them in.
just keep doing what your doing, cut visits, or phone conversations off when it gets ugly..

please , take care of yourself first…
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