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Before I was made conservator, my father and brother passed. Mom never did anything about them and I have their ashes in my home. I'd like to have them placed at a nice mausoleum in town. The funeral home is having issues about my 'right' to decide about my father and brother's resting place. My mother has this 'right' but she is not legally responsible. This is turning into a legal quagmire. There were no wills or last requests by either my father or brother and Mom has no will either.


Has anyone had any experience with something similar? Even our Elder care attorney is baffled.


Thanks!

Metaforic
This should be covered by a state law. All cemeteries are regulated by the state. Look up your state cemetery laws. Usually there is a state cemetery association. Look for their website and the contact information. Hopefully there is a phone number to call.
It seems this would be a common enough occurrence. Perhaps just not for the person you checked with. That person should have a resource to call as well. Elevate your contact.
Do let us know what you find out.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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metaforic Apr 17, 2019
Thank you! Yes, the gentleman I was working with did call a person within the company who had the legal info for him. In my state, I am able to make this decision on my mother's behalf. At least that is the conclusion this individual came to.

Every step of the way has been a laborious slog through legalities because my parents never made a will. I tell everyone I know MAKE A WILL. Make a detailed, legally clear will. If you can't, at least jot something down that next of kin could show to a judge. It is the kind thing to do for your family.
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If married...
Spouse is first next of kin.
Then it goes to the oldest living child.
Then the oldest living grand-child.
If not married then...
Then the parents.
The funeral home will have an person there to help you with the legal part.
Blessings
hgnhgn
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Reply to hgnhgn
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Its your Dad and brother. I don't see the problem either. Like said, they are being paid.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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If you are paying for the internment, I can't imagine that they are having an issue.

Have you asked them to please give you the statutes they are making this decision from. I assume it is a legal issue and not a power play. Are they the only option? If not, take your business elsewhere, even a town down the road a bit.

As conservator for your mom, you can only use her money for her care. When you do your annual accounting that kind of expenditure will be questioned.

You may have to wait and intern all 3 together.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Conservatorship doesn’t give you control over this type of decision. It’s not part of the authority you’ve been granted.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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metaforic Apr 16, 2019
Yes, I thought so but my mother hasn't the 'right' either, since she no longer has legal authority. So we are kind of stuck. I wondered if anyone here had had a similar situation and what they may have done to resolve it.
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This may be too simplistic but if you pay for the burial, et. Al., where would the quagmire be? Why would the funeral home/cemetery care as long as they got their money? If Mom is not competent to make binding decisions, then it’s up to you, since you have conservatorship, right? Bit you’d need to use your own funds.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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metaforic Apr 16, 2019
There are a lot of laws regarding the disposition of remains. If you think about it, it makes sense that a funeral home would need to follow those laws carefully.
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