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1. She wasn't dumped. She lives in a manageable IL apt about 600 sq ft with a balcony with a full range of services from daily meals, activities, weekly shopping excursions, on-site hair salon; emergency pull in bathroom & bedroom which is actually paid attention to; nursing & social workers on staff and most importantly the ability to socialize. She could have a pet if she wanted too, but doesn't. The ladies and the 5 men who are there are nice and act as if they enjoy being there. This week they are doing spooky cards for Halloween. She gets to play a mean set of Mexican Train domino's.
She would never do these things if she were solo at home.
The apt is part of a tiered senior care system so as her needs change (which will happen sooner than later as she's in her 90's) she can go from IL, to AL or NH or hospice. Her place was chosen because of that so there would be limited transfer trauma.
At her home she was constantly leaving the gas on the stove; unable to do laundry or clean; couldn't drive to store or get Rx's or medical appts; re-occuring g.i. problems from spoiled food;weight loss; unable to open windows or doors. She was always very, very anxious and paranoid.
Now she still gets anxious and paranoid, but they make sure
she takes her meds and that helps out tremendously. She can talk over her paranoia and false beliefs with the other residents and she feels more secure.
She has Lewy Body dementia, so she needs to be somewhere
where she can be as she active as this type of dementia enables them to be very normal (even though they are elderly) the vast majority of the time until they have an episode.
We did home-health care - she didn't like any of the 3 companies we used. It got to the point she would not open the door for them. So that option was out. Did a graduate student living in her garage apt in the 80's - she really hated that too.
2. She's a drama queen. True story - 1980's @ funeral home for rosary for a BIL. She did full-on black outfit with hat with veil.
She went into the nearest room all sobbing and carrying on
but IT WAS THE WRONG ROOM. When she realized it, she turned her heels, all normal and no tears, looked around and
asked where he was. We're in the back motioning her to exit.
In the hallway, she is totally OK no tears, applies some powder and goes into the right rosary and into full tears and emotion.
That for me is a real memory of my mom.
3. I feel fine that she is where she is. No regrets.
Both my husband & I have done what we can now (trusts, lc care insurance, etc) so that we can avoid being a issue for our children to deal with.
Being at home in her 90's with health conditions that would require immediate professional attention is not that.
I moved my mom in her 90's against her choice. It wasn't fun and she was wringing her hands,crying as the movers were in shrink wrapping her furniture to her new apt. It had to be done for her own health, safety and security. That should be your mantra when dealing with her, other family members or anyone else. It may seem that she is mentally sound but in reality that is not the case, e.g. blood in stool for days and not saying anything about it.
Take a deep breathe and go thru what she requires from the start of the day on. Make a list and whether or not she can do/take/walk/ whatever is needed to complete the task totally on her own. For example, if she has a med that she needs to take 1 hr before a meal can she do that. Is she aware of date/time/weather. If it's cold, does she dress appropriately.If not she needs to go to a facility who has the experience and staff to do whatever is needed for her day-to-day existence.
There is a HUGE difference in being cognitive and cognizant.
Oh, the movers (who do senior moving alot) said they see this
all the time, no problem, just keep her from grabbing onto
the rear lift when they leave........
good luck