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good luck to you. One day at a time, and in truly hard days, just one minute at a time….
I wish I were there, where you are. I hope to be.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and inspirations.
What would you tell a client/patient who asked you that question?
What would someone tell a single parent of a toddler with a full time job?
Can you be a full time caregiver and have a fulltime job and do both successfully, with no outside support? No.
You either need to hire outside help with your nother's resources, find her adult daycare or find a good facility.
Which you do depends much on resources, family philosophy and local availability.
Please keep posting. We care.
That was a huge problem for my sister and me. We shared custody of my mother who had Alzheimer’s for 7 years. One week with her, one week with me. We both work full time. Once we got a healthcare provider during the day, we put in place a daily routine to run the same at both houses. I returned home an hour before the provider left so that I could take care of any chores, preps or errands that I needed to as my mother required full attention. The goal for the provider was for her to try and keep mom up during the day so that we could sleep at the same time as her when we got off. Unfortunately, that didn’t always happen. She stayed up most of the night and for a few years, I got no sleep. I tried getting in bed with her at the same time, every night and it worked, until she’d decide she was no longer sleepy. I refused to medicate her. After a while, I would put away any harmful items in her bedroom and give her things to do when she wouldn’t sleep (she was sleeping during the day). She loved folding clothes, reading her Bible and looking at photos of her family. Some nights, I’d put a small basket of clean towels in the room for her to fold with very soft music in the background while I lay on a pallet across the doorway. Once she’d finish, she’d touch me and tell me to come to bed because she was finished cleaning up. Also, understanding her body language, since she could no longer articulate her discomforts, was important. I knew when she had pain, bad gas cramps or was, maybe, constipated. I constantly studied the behaviors/science of Alzheimer’s so that I was in tune with her. Keeping a close regimen on her diet and daily routines helped. For us, maximizing the use of our daily provider, maintaining specific, consistent routines for us and mom, and taking advantage of our week off from her when she was at the other’s home was key. Finally, ask for help when you need it. Hope this helps.
job, family and a 90 year old mom in AL right down the street —I know it isn’t easy. I understand we sometimes don’t have a place to “park” some of those feelings-despair, resentment, sadness, frustration and guilt are a few. Those are all normal emotions to feel and exude when you feel too much has been put upon you. I find that accepting the way life is and not wishing or hoping for another situation really helps. It doesn’t rid you necessarily of those feelings, but they dissipate some. Watching someone who raised you, who you looked to to help you and listen, now needs you to do it instead is tough. We wait for the next doctor’s visit or illness. Don’t do it. She is 90. Those are 90 year old parts and they weren’t meant to last forever. Remember you are not alone; here, for example, we are all listening and supporting you and wishing you well. And don’t forget this pandemic blankets a layer of anxiety over all of us-especially caring for the elderly. That is in our subconscious 24-7. I take walks, make myself nice coffee, find a funny show to watch, play a game and try my best to decompress when I start to get overwhelmed. Finding a caregiver-someone to come in a few days a week to help you is ideal.
8 to 12 hours a week to fill in , visit and usually bring healthy home cooked meals. BUT, I still feel burnt out and frustrated. I have my own health issues.
What helps me is to plan something "fun" to do. Yesterday, we had good friends for drinks and dinner. I laughed alot and that relieved so much stress. My anxiety and unhappiness vanished.
Now, I am planning my next "fun" activity. Take care of yourself.
Your answer just stuck out as being a true representation of what caregiving can do to a person. Just wanted you to know and thank you!!
please talk to your physician about recommendations for assistance in caretaking via a home health aid
best of luck to you and your mother
What are you looking for in a routine?
Your mom will do better with a consistent routine. Her pace will probably be a lot slower than you are used to or feel you have time for.
What tasks can you outsource to help you and your mom?
Grocery delivery or pick up will cut time shopping.
Housecleaning service or friends/family helping with these chores will save time too.
Yard service and laundry service or help will save time.
Think of others.
Do you feel as if you never have time by yourself?
If so, you are probably realizing you need a bigger support network for your mom. Your goal is to make sure mom is cared for AND your needs are cared for as well. Ask family, friends, members of faith community, and/or paid help to care for mom enough hours so you can sleep, eat 3 healthy meals are a reasonable pace, get your health appointments, exercise, and have fun daily/weekly with those you enjoy being with.
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