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My Mom is at an ALF and calls me when she is having problems receiving care (generally from one caregiver late at night). I generally phone or stop by - sometimes both. Recently, I stopped by around 12:30am and the caregivers told me they were instructed not to speak to me and not to let me in. I called the manager and she told me I would not be allowed in the facility during that shift because I had been abusive to staff. I absolutely have not. I have only calmly voiced concern over lack of care provided. My wife is always present. I have tried talking with the Manager in the past but it always ends up with him doing all the talking; he does not listen to/respond to my concerns - he is too busy complaining. I am moving Mom - but must wait the 30-days. I am very concerned that there are times I cannot see Mom. What can I do? Any advice will be appreciated.

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Oh no, Meallen, of course not. But I don't think it's the norm. Do you?
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"We're different; I'll be here every day, at least once a day." I am glad you were able to help your parents, but you do really think no one else in history has visited a parent everyday?
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Fla, I'm with you on this. For my parent, and I will react the same as if it were my child, and that means going when they call. My dad spent time in rehab twice not 5 minutes from my home, and he called me at midnight at least a few times, and I went. Once he was pushing buttons on the TV remote and wondering why the aides didn't come. His MC was 11 minutes from my home. I never went in the middle of the night, but I did go late and could come and go at anytime at all. I told them right up front, "We're different; I'll be here every day, at least once a day." BOTH facilities were completely accommodating and seemed happy to do so. I didn't need to disrupt anyone and was always courteous to the staff and other residents. It all worked out very well for us. I would not have left him anywhere that I couldn't go to him 24/7.
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Fla, my mother ended up in the hospital a few days entering the first AL we admitted her to. They did not hold up their end of the contract (the medical services they said would be available were not and mom ended up hospitalized). It became clear to us that this was not the right facility. We talked to the administrator and told him we wouldn't sue them if they dropped their 30 day notice nonsense. It worked.
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I am so sorry that this AL is not working out for your mother. I'm glad you are taking her someplace else. It certainly sounds like you've covered all the bases and are not acting inappropriately.

In defense of the ALF workers (not the ALF itself), often the night shift is lightly staffed. Of course they should staff to be able to cover the services they have contracted to provide, but if they don't, it is not the night aide's fault. And shortages happen. The regular worker is out sick and her replacement has a bad back, etc. If you find that staff is congregating together in backrooms eating, texting, and taking extended breaks, I would say the place is not run very well. But there may be circumstances you are not aware of. There may be a staff shortage that day, some are working double shifts, and need a long rest break between shifts. Or they are taking their normal meal break.

Sometimes the sales folks promise more than the staff can deliver. My daughter works in a very nice ALF and she's overheard the "tour guide" tell a prospect that "yes, they can handle a two-person transfer" while my daughter is thinking, "No, no we can't! We are not staffed to do that! Another resident would have to be neglected for us to do that! It doesn't matter that we charge extra if we don't hire extra staff, which they aren't going to do for one resident." Sigh. Again this is the fault of the facility, not of the staff trying their best to cope with unrealistic promises.

Could your mother possibly get in the new place sooner than 30 days? Even if you wind up paying both places for a limited time, it might be worth getting her out of there. And do follow up with holding them accountable after she is moved.
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My first thought is your mother most have the bladder of a camel.
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This is likely not the first time they have done this. Get your mother out of there and then report them for they need to be held accountable. 
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Yep - we've tried all that staaarrr. We have the agreement that states each service - but she just doesn't get it. The manager only deflects our concerns by demonizing us. That is why we are leaving. Just got a call from a corporate officer. He wants to talk with us - but, so much has happened...we just want out of here. We just want peace. Hopefully, he will see that Mom gets the help she needs for the next 30 days and we won't need to go over in the middle of the night....fingers crossed! Thanks.
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Yeah, my Dad got in trouble with my Mom’s AL owner because he got in what he called a discussion but what the AL personnel called screaming abusive language at one of the aids.

I warned him that in the 21st century raising one’s voice is called assault and he could get the police after him. They’ve said he has been a lamb since.

It’s not what you’re saying it’s how you make the other person feel when you’re talking to them. Oh and if you are a man you’re already considered suspicious.
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Thanks staaarrr - for the nice suggestions
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We did request a care meeting...that was over 2 months ago and we are still waiting. We have talked with the Manager directly. She always says she or the nurse will look into things and give us a call but they never do. We are never contacted by any one. Nothing changes. Mom does not take diuretics and is under a very good doctor's care. He assure us her needs are not abnormal. He wants to get AHCA involved but we are hesitant while Mom is a resident. We have tried the ombudsman route. The facility manager shared with us that she is in constant contact with the ombudsman and even insinuated that they are friendly. The ombudsman has spoken with us once. We have called and left several messages but receive no response. I have never raised my voice and never used profanity with anyone. It is quite frustrating to think that it is wrong - let alone abusive - to ask a caregiver to provide help - for which we pay a LOT of extra money. We are just trying to take care of Mom. We just don't know what else we can do. I didn't mean to start such a huge controversy. I just thought as Mom's POA/health surrogate I might have the right to help Mom (yes, late at night) until she moves out. I would like her to leave in one piece. I am surprised - I really thought this site would have people with a little more empathy.
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Is there someone over the manager such as an administrator? Do you have a copy of the agreement that says what services will be provided and when?
I would try calling the administrator and calmly explaining what the issues are. I would let them know that you are moving your mother and the reasons for the move.
You might be able to get out of the 30 day notice if you can show that the facility cannot meet her needs. If she needs help going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and she isn't getting it, then they cannot meet her needs.

Good luck!
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YOU should not be going to the facility to assist your mom. If you have had a care meeting with the administrator and clinical staff (you generally have one every 90 days) and you've been told that this deficiency will be corrected, you should contact the Ombudsman.

I think that most of us who read your original question interpreted the purpose of your visit after midnight was to remonstrate with the caregiver, not to assist with your mom.

I think, going forward, that I would seek to adjust medications such as diuretics that might be causing mom to need to get up in the middle of the night, if that is a consideration.
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Boy...
This was certainly not the support and understanding I was looking for. First of all, Mom was evaluated by the facility. At that time, we fully expressed all of our concerns and expectations - including potential "visiting" hours. We were welcomed with open arms. This is not a little, cheap facility. We pay a LOT of money - and specifically a lot of extra money for late night care. Mom needs help to get up and go to the bathroom several times during the night. She calls us when the caregivers either don't come or refuse to take her(one caregiver has a bad back). When I have to get up in the middle of the night and go to this facility, I am NOT doing bed checks. We are NOT having a tea party. I am simply providing caregiving services(help getting to the bathroom) for Mom when they are not being provided. What should I do, put a call block on Mom? Should I tell her to just soil her bed? Or perhaps I should tell her to get up on her own - since that has worked out so well for her in the past (fractured her pelvis and back on 2 seperate occasions trying to get herself to the bathroom). As for disturbing other residents, most are asleep; their doors are closed. We have NEVER caused any noise disturbance. No one has ever been awakened by us. We head straight to Mom's room - we help her - and we leave. What you fail to recognize is this is not fun for me - or for Mom. I would certainly prefer a good night's sleep - as well as comfort in knowing Mom is happy and taken care of. All would be fine, if they would simply provide the service of taking Mom to the bathroom for which we pay extra. She has been fully assessed and does NOT need a skilled nursing facility. She needs a well-managed ALF that has a staff that has a high work ethic. Caregivers should be providing care - not congregating together in backrooms eating, texting, etc. Breaks are not to last hours. We visited MANY facilities in our area and told them of these issues as well as others. All expressed horror at this facility's actions and have assured us that all of our expectations are reasonable and "do-able".
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12:30 AM... like right after midnight? And you visit her then?
Most facilities have open house hours of 9AM to about 8PM. My experience is that entry doors actually are locked after a certain hour, like 10PM with security needed to buzz you in. There are usually signs posted as to hours which ALL are expected to observe unless an emergency.

If they are very ill or on death watch, family may stay over and it’s quietly worked though. Your showing up to bedcheck at 12:30 in the middle of the night is imo pretty disruptive & discourteous. Staff for overnight shift is minimal at a NH, I imagine it’s even more so at a AL (as after all they should be relatively good on their ADLs as it’s only AL and not 24/7 skilled care). Plus residents should be asleep at that time. A strange man walking the halls could be quite upsetting to other residents. If mom actually needs something done after normal assistance hours - like wound care - I’d bet she will need to pay for extra time for an aide to do that assistance.

Just what are you expecting staff to do for her in the middle of the night?

It’s good you are moving your mom as your relationship at this AL is probably at an impasse. Have you clearly discussed at the new AL she’s moving to in 30 days of your full expectation to be able to visit at all hours and have things attended to as you determine need to be done at whatever time you visit???

Also has your mom gotten a care assessment done? Not by you but a geriatric caseworker or SW/RN who do these. Mom may be needing 24/7 skilled care and so needs a NH and having her in an AL is only setting everybody up for unhappiness. 

If the new place is a very small, very very high end $$$ custom care place, those will let you do whatever as that’s what your paying $$$ for. You can bring mom’s pet ferret to visit. But for normal IL, AL, MC, NH, in my experience, they all will have visitors hours that residents and their families are expected to observe and probably indicated in the admissions contract unless there’s an extraordinary situation. 
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