My kids have had a front row seat to see how we and the in-laws have managed care for parents/grandparents with a host of mental and physical issues. I let my kids know that they never have to take us into their homes. I would appreciate a call each Christmas, but they don't have to structure their holidays around us. They have seen there are times when the parents no longer know what is good for them and have to give over decision making to the next generation. We also set an age when we will get our finances in order and sign over POA (durable medical and financial) and get a trust set up. I do not want them caught off guard the way our families were over the years. I also don't want them crippled with guilt over any decisions they have to make. What do you have to add about preparing your kids for your future?
After so many crying scenes over the years with my MIL about holidays “I just want everyone to be together” ugh, I’ve long told my children when they became adults, “I’d love to have you come for any holiday, but if you can’t make it, no worries, I’ll see a movie” They know I mean it, I don’t do the guilt trips.
I also believe in my dad’s firm rule of refusing to live with any adult child or him living with any of us. He said it’s ruins relationships, and one doesn’t have to be on AC Forum very long to attest to the frequency of that being true. None of that for me, if I can’t care for myself off to managed care. Maybe I’ll hate it, but that’s better than having my family hate me.
I’ve also pared down the belongings, but can admit that’s an ongoing process one is never quite finished with
We told the kids we do not expect them to be hands on caregivers or to be our housemates .
Will continue to downsize belongings and we plan to eventually move to a condo when we retire .
I have told my kids not to hesitate throwing out belongings , furniture .
I won’t be offended .
Some elderly act like their stuff is gold and want someone to take it.
The time to "set finances in order" is now.
Any parent should have hard and fast documents written from the second they have a child in the crib.
And the time to begin saving for an old age that will require you at minimum to be a millionaire is on day one; it will take a good career lifelong, a lot of savings and coupon clipping, good jobs and good luck to get there.
if I can live in my own home safely with some help great, if I can’t I’m hanging out for somewhere like the Thursday murder club residential living 😂
pierce brosnan optional 😂
I have made it known that no one is expected to physically care for me.
I did take all the things out and moved them to a safe at home. Then of course, Rude Aunt raised H— about I didn't have a right to take the things without dad's permission. He had dementia and didn't know squat anymore, much less about the safety deposit box. And his lawyer had been firm that I should do it.
So, be advised - do what you want, but it may not be as easy as it seems.