As a caregiver for my wife, I am concerned that I may pass before her. How do I plan for her care?

Davegrant4478: Your questions are valid. An elder law attorney should be consulted for the answers.

I just went through this last year and had this frightening reality check. I called my Elder Law Attorney for advice and then instructed our family attorney to arrange for a legal Guardian to be hired for my husband and to hire my attorney to oversee that person and all associated finances.

We ordered two DNR bracelets so that EMT/Fire fighters will not perform life saving procedures if we're fortunate enough to reach a coma status: they are inscribed with our names. capital DNR letters, Incase of Emergency (ICE) phone number and the number for the Neptune Society.

If my husband is placed at a senior level facility, then an auto pay system will be set up.

You can find an elder law attorney at this link.

https://nelf.org/

They have special training in all things elder law and a certification.

Definitely there is a way. Any attorney can help you BUT please search for one who specializes in elder care law to be sure everything is done right the first time according to the most recent law changes within your state. (I learned the expensive way).

Here is a link to the elder care attorney we finally used.... https://www.strattonreynolds.com/ DO NOT call OR rely on this info as they are only licensed in SC and each state can be very different.

That website has lots of generic information to give insight to the questions to ask when you are looking for an elder care attorney licensed in your state. Begin with the tab Free Info and Blog but then read through the rest of the website for more insights to what you may want to consider in making your plan. The more you are aware of various options ahead of time will save time at your first meeting. Your plan needs to be customized to reflect who you and your wife are and your values. An elder care attorney can suggest options most appropriate for you.

You will probably find similar information on the websites of eldercare attorneys local to your state.

If you (or her) are a veteran, definitely get info on Aid and Attendance for spouses as well as yourself. Even if you don't qualify now, having the information needed in one place can save a lot of headaches later... especially the form DD214.

Not only do you need a plan if you die, if you have not already done so you also need a plan if you are unable to care for her (and yourself) while you are living... there is lots of info on that within the website as well. If you have children, definitely include them in any discussions and possibly allow them to go with you when you meet with an attorney.

Excellent question and I reviewed the answers, they are all good. You need and elder lawyer and possible family and friends to assist.
Just a few things to think about. Costs, if you are balling on a budget see if your county senior service has elder lawyers, they can be free or much less than private lawyer. Always get a few bids and do a little homework; google/check if there are any complaints.
If you have a friend or family member in mind, start to have them visit from time to time, so it’s not a total shock to them both once you are gone.

Stay Inspired,
shonda

Great question. What does happen if you are the only POA left with no replacements? Talk with an eldercare attorney now.

Dave, if there is no other family then you are left with a paid fiduciary appointed by you or by the courts to manage your wife's placement and finances. They are often appointed through the courts in such cases by the state which takes on guardianship. I would see an elder law attorney with suggestions and options. You are so wise to think of this now. You should also have in home and in wallet that you are the sole contact for your wife who suffers with dementia if this is the case. This means that in the instance of emergency transit to hospital she will likely be taken as well and I as a nurse have seen this more than a few times.

You’re very wise and compassionate to be thinking ahead on this. The money spent on an elder care lawyer will be well worth it

I had a Special Needs Trust set up for my Husband should anything have happened to me. Luckily I did not need it.
You should have people set up as POA for Health and Finance in case you can not make decisions.
Talk to an Elder Care Attorney.
Discuss with your family what your wishes are.

Davegrant4478, excellent question. If you can, set up time to speak with an Elder Law Attorney to discuss what options you may have.

Afterwards have this discussion with your Power of Attorney, so that person is familiar with what is planned. I assumed your wife's POA is yourself? Correct? Or is there a second person mentioned. If yes, also have this discussion with that person.