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My mother is So defensive she becomes unapproachable. Anything you say to her she says says I'm yelling at her. They complain about something and when I try to fix it she says . 'no it's ok' and won't let you. Kinda like when mom was younger and acted like a victim about everything and now implying ' no is ok I'm used to everything not being right. I would much rather struggle and fall down than accept your help. So I feel like saying 'ok just yell real loud if you fall so I can pick u up or call 911 cuz u think I'm not capable of helping you. Even though I've been a nursing assistant caring for other nice old people for 5 years. It's messed up.

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I agree with jeffrey20832, it is always best to just avoid arguing with a person who suffers from dementia. Although I understand where you are coming from, you are faced with difficulties in handling your mom, I wish for you more patient and strength to cope with her situation. Infolongtermcare.org notes that long-term care dementia patients usually suffers from physical and verbal aggression, it would be advisable to respond to them with concise and simple statements, so limit your response to "yes", "no" or "ok" to avoid any arguments.
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Agree that the best thing to do is avoid arguments, although sometimes circumstances make that almost impossible. But if you do have to clarify things, do it very quick, and then change the subject and move on. Eventually they will forget about many of aggravating concerns for a few hours.
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when i see the care recipient struggling with something i observe for a moment then ask them if theyd like my help. they are aged , intelligent people and you want to avoid taking control away from them.
my sis lived with my mom for a few years and she steadily took control of the household to include mother. i came out and got mom a vision aid machine, rigged her washer / dryer controls so she could use them, ditto with the wall thermostat and other minor irritants. this ending writes itsself, lol . mom promptly told sis to hit the bricks..
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yep...but after a year of me caring for her, she is finally accepting that she can trust me. Give it time and let the dementia get worse and things will ease up...or at least it did for me..
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oh Thumbelina...I can SOOO sympathize...my mother thinks I can't handle money...although I have worked for over fifteen years as a head teller...AND I am the only one in our family that managed to buy my own home (didn't MARRY into money...saved up and bought myself)

so she put my sister's name on her bank account...the sister that has sky high credit card bills, is bipolar and has been in the mental hospital AND binge shops...

I have DPOA though now...thank goodness!~
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Ya, it is messed up. Dementia does that. And if there was a tendency to be a little messed up (acting like a victim) before the dementia, oh boy, here it comes big time!

Probably the best you can do is avoid arguments.
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