Follow
Share

I have that fear. I would not put what any of us are dealing with on anyone.


I find myself often running to dark humor. Because you have to find it somewhere to keep sane!

Find Care & Housing
My dad was a really nice, sweet person. He died of pneumonia before dementia really kicked in, which was a blessing. My mom was never mean or spiteful, and was Always there for me. Now she has her aging/dementia/LBD problems.

Currently, I’m not mean or spiteful but I’m deathly afraid of getting dementia & what it might do to me. Maybe wheeling up & down the nursing room halls while stripping off my clothes & biting the nurses when they try to stop me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to mollymoose
Report

My parents were fitness buffs and extremely healthy, with a big bank account, but declared at age 70 that they were old and they were "done". They self-isolated and both began drinking heavily. The mood was heavy and full of depression. It was awful. They wasted most of a decade when they could have been living, just waiting to die. Now it's too late, quality of life is gone (but both are still alive and miserable).

My lesson learned: live to the fullest when you can, we all get old (if we are lucky enough not to die young). Try to keep a positive attitude. My parents' negative attitudes spelled the end of life, much like a cancer. I will do all that I can not to become them. It's sad because up until that point I had all the respect in the world for them, and wanted to be "just like" them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Upstream
Report

Better question: Are you afraid you won't be as wise and brave as your parent when you age?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Gershun
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 14, 2019
I get that. I do think about that.
(0)
Report
I should be so lucky to be like my Mom. She was a beautiful person, inside and out!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Gershun
Report

When I read this my first thought was, oh I hope not. I don't want a hairy chest and a bald head. I'm a girl!

I think just asking that question is answer enough, my parents never look at their actions or how they effect others. I think I would drown myself if I woke up and saw either of my parents in my mirror. I have spent my entire life living completely differently than them and it would kill me to know it was all for naught.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 14, 2019
I feel like I am so like my mom in some ways and very different in others. A combination, I suppose.
(0)
Report
I would be so blessed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to smeshque
Report

I'm not afraid of that. I have always been VERY different from my parents and at this stage in my life, I don't think that will change. lol My parents still look at me at times and shake their heads....they can't figure out how I became who I am....even as a child, I would debate them and quote sources. lol
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sunnygirl1
Report

I do fear it, even though my mindset is completely different from Mom's. Sometimes I "hear her" when I talk and my blood runs cold!

Yikes.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to CantDance
Report

Terrified.

Although my kids tell me repeatedly I am NOTHING like her. Still.

ONCE my DH said "OMG, you are acting just like MY mother" and that was about the meanest thing he could have ever said. I LOST IT.

He hasn't brought that nugget out for 40 years.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Midkid58
Report

No, because our parents are gone. However, I do worry about becoming my wife. Every time I forget something, I worry that I am starting my own journey down this road.
It really scares me. I hope I have taken some serious steps in providing for the both of us if I do have to give up and move into a care facility.
Our lawyer is the only one I have to turn to for the help needed. Which would primarily consist of getting us set up in a care home and having us made a ward of the state.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to OldSailor
Report
freqflyer Feb 13, 2019
OldSailor, I feel that way, too. I honestly think if my parents didn't go through the different phases of memory loss, I wouldn't be as super sensitive about it now when I forget something.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
I hope I am self limiting in that regard. I used to live a travel widely and not exactly safely lifestyle. I will get back to that the second this phase of my life ends. Even if it's in another 20 years. Many people who don't travel don't realize it, but there are plenty of 80 year old backpackers. I will join their ranks. Sooner or later, I won't be able to grip a rope tight enough, hold my breath under a capsized boat long enough or fight off a freezing river 1000 feet underground before hypothermia takes it's toll. Either one of those or many other things will happen long before I get too bad. Problem solved.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to needtowashhair
Report
SnoopyLove Feb 13, 2019
LOL, Needtowashhair! I love your attitude.
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Whew, thank goodness I am very much like my Dad personality wise, instead of my Mom's.

My Mom was extremely stubborn, refused to downsize, refused to accept her age [late 90's], the whole nine yards. My Dad was the total opposite. He wanted to downsize, was ready to pack on a moments notice to move into senior care. All of his caregivers loved him :)

My main concern would be that technology will become sooo complicated that I wouldn't be able to watch TV or use a computer :P
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 13, 2019
Oh my gosh, freqflyer,

I can relate! The older I become the less I want. I’m 63 and I remember when I was young I went through different emotions. I was the ‘free spirit’ kind of person that loved experiences over things, such as last minute trips to the beach or longer trips to the mountains to go hiking. I went to a bazillion concerts as a kid. Concerts were cheap then! I was very spontaneous and loved every minute of it.

I was perfectly content with the basics when I moved away from home. My favorite apartment was a furnished converted attic in a lovely home that I rented for $75.00 a month! Furnished with antiques along with a claw foot tub. It was gorgeous!

Then for some reason I felt I needed to ‘grow up’ more and become like others, ended up falling in love with someone very different than myself and previous boyfriends, someone more mainstream because that meant stability to me. He was more materialistic and for awhile I got caught up in that. You know, building the larger house, expensive furniture, new cars, etc. So different from who I was. While I appreciate this house, I would be extremely happy to downsize. Not so sure my husband would.

I didn’t even own a car before I knew him. I rode my bicycle, walked, used public transportation from the time I was 12! New Orleans was actually safe then!

Moved north of the city into the burbs and sure it was a nice place to raise a family but my heart longs for the beat of the city again. Isn’t it funny how we can adapt to another lifestyle but we know deep in our heart that is not who we truly are?

I miss working at a job. I miss volunteering. I miss being active doing what I choose.
My mother was a homebody, just like her mother was. She did volunteer at my school/church. She did her handiwork and even did the craft fairs when they began. Too bad Etsy wasn’t around then.

My mom’s sister was a different story! She was outgoing and fun! My mom’s dad, my grandfather was outgoing too. My dad had an outgoing spirit. That’s who I took after. Yet I married a quiet, stable guy because my parents kept telling me that I needed to settle down with a stable man. He’s a great guy but I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like with the guy I went backpacking through the mountains with. I left him, met my now husband. The other guy came back in my life and asked me to marry him but I was already in love with the man I ended up marrying.

They were very different men. Houses don’t make us happy. Things don’t make us happy. I miss that ‘free spirit’ that I was. I have a few regrets. I suppose most people do.

I wish I could sell this house and travel some before I am too old! We have not been on a vacation in forever because of taking care of my mom.

Do any of you see your or your mate’s personality in your children? I do!

After going through this with my mom I really don’t want my kids to have to be my caregiver. That is a disturbing thought to me.
(1)
Report
also am not saving everything I ever had,did,wrote, received etc. and threw in a box that doesn't even seal. That's just for starters.

Lol. My God. I know. Dealing with now prior to estate sale. WTF is this???? Oh 40 years ago. Ok then.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Segoline
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 14, 2019
Ever throw out stuff that you regretted? I have. In the sixth grade we were told to pick pen pals out of the Sunday newspaper for a writing assignment for English class.

Oh my gosh, I selected a boy from Japan! I tried writing to another girl from my own state in Louisiana and I was bored to tears! Not sure why but the kid from Japan jumped out at me. So I wrote him. We corresponded for three years, writing a letter a week to each other. He was 15 and I was 12. He stopped writing shortly before his arranged marriage. It was a great experience. I wish I had kept those letters to show my kids. His English was perfect along with his penmanship! He sent silk bookmarks, photos of beautiful Japanese architecture and gardens. And the stamps were so pretty. Just think, I could have looked him up on the internet in today’s world.

I learned a lot about japanese culture through correspondence with him. He learned about life in America through a young girl like me. Was fun! He invited me to Japan to go ice skating and I remember asking my mom to go! Of course she said no. I was crushed. I formed a bond with my pen pal, telling each other all our secrets. It was yesteryear’s internet!

Oh, the love letters from WW11 between my mom and dad. I wish I had them. Those were destroyed in Hurricane Katrina. Oh well, lives in our hearts along with cherished photos.
(1)
Report
My God , no. Never. I am an only child, so is my daughter. My mother has lived with us since before my daughter was born. I have learned from my mistakes. I will not ever be a burden to my daughter. I’m not saying there won’t be a time, that I’m not capable of caring for myself. I have long term care, a will, all the paper work I can possibly have now to assist my daughter in placing me when and if that time comes. In addition, she and I have discussed the future many times. She knows in her heart , I never ever want to be a burden. I hope she carries that through in her life with her future children
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Erinm60
Report

No. Have alot of worries but that exact one is not amongst them. We are very different. I don't predict that everything will be wonderful as I age but I know I will not be my mother. And I hope I remember how difficult it can be. For one thing my children will never have to inherit the less than ideal way to put it very mildly the items I save. I also am not saving everything I ever had,did,wrote, received etc. and threw in a box that doesn't even seal. That's just for starters.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Riverdale
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter