I know of an elderly person whom regrets giving POA to son that moved her from her nice home to his so he can sell her property. He claims "it's to pay her medical bills" after he told me his plan to use the money for himself. Now he keeps her in a very small room where she is very uncomfortable and "bought a new nice hospital bed" that looks very old and small. (I think bought a new one and sold it to keep extra money he and wife suddenly doing well financially). They refuse to make the bathroom safe for her so she only has a small portable toilet to use in the corner of the room. Her cellphone seems to always be out-of-reach, they refuse to get a landline phone for her (which is what she always preferred to communicate with). She rarely has water, seems she rarely gets food. She has lost weight and tons of hair in less-than 6 months. Broken her leg, they took their time getting her emergency care, she has bruises up her arms, she seems very scared and used to talk a lot before they told her there are cameras in her room. They piled up junk in there too and decorated it after they were called out about her not being comfortable (so superficial fix-ups, nothing like the way she used to live...). The floors are dirty with pee stains and dirt. They make fun of her and her disabilities, they are very rude and get upset with her every time she has an accident, her toenails are not groomed, she always looks tired. They either complain about helping her in basic ways or they act condescending while they do bare-minimum care. Seems the police won't bother obtaining a warrant to access the property and Protective Services were in contact but I'm not sure they were inside the property either. I got harassed for someone calling APS on them. I am glad APS was called but seems it has done nothing. Is it because these living conditions are acceptable? I don't know if it matters but the daughter-in-law is a nurse though a crappy one. Her excuse is she knows what she is doing because of her title. Son/POA has a long history of violent and psychopathic behavior though I don't think it was ever recorded.

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Paula, are you a friend or a family member? Are you able to go inside the house regularly?

I would keep calling APS to get them to the bottom of this.

Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem to an outsider looking in.

If someone would have gone into my mothers house they could have easily though I was “letting her” live in filth. She was a hoarder who refused to throw anything out, and she refused to bathe or wash her hair or change her clothes. I didn’t live with her and she was deemed competent. But from an outsider it would have been unacceptable. But if an elder is competent, there is nothing you can do.

But if this elder is incompetent and her son is abusing her or taking advantage of her financially, then APS had to be notified DAILY until something is done about it.
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Is your friend competent? How, currently is she communicating with you if her phones are removed? That is to say, are you visiting her? Because if she is lucid and mentally competent she is perfectly capable of summoning a lawyer to the home, even accompanied by APS or by you, to change her POA, withdrawing it from the son and giving it to someone else.
You have otherwise done what you are able in contacting APS. I don't see how they can harass you for this as APS doesn't say who reported them. They can have an "idea" of who it might be, but they cannot be certain.
If the condition continues to deteriorate I would continue to contact APS. They will either tell you that they have done what they can and don't want to hear from you again, or they will do what usually happens, which is to oil the squeakiest wheel, which will be you.
Honestly, you do not say if you are or are not a family member; if you are not, you may have little luck in addressing this situation, sadly enough.
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Just like CW, I can already imagine a dozen reasons for the worrying things you describe that would have nothing to do with the son and DIL and more to do with physical and mental decline in your friend.

But of course we readers have no way of knowing, and anyway it doesn't matter. The fact remains that your friend is potentially a vulnerable elder, you have observed and been told things which leave you deeply worried about her wellbeing, and you have a duty to report it. Call APS. Call APS again. And again, every time you see cause for concern. What you are doing is giving them reasons to keep enquiring.

A word to the wise: don't make insinuations or accusations you can't substantiate. For example, you say "they refuse to make the bathroom safe for her." Really? They agree that the bathroom is not safe but they refuse to make it so? Don't make statements of qualitative judgement in that way. It's fine to say: Mrs X has difficulty accessing her bathroom but there are currently no adaptations or equipment to help her. It's even fine to say: I asked Mr Son if he planned to refit the bathroom for his mother and he stated that there was no need. But unless you have it on record that you or someone said PLEASE make this bathroom safe and he replied Shan't! So there! you cannot back up your statement that "they refuse to make the bathroom safe for her."

Facts facts facts. Those facts may be ones to make our hair stand on end and our blood boil, but it's only the facts themselves that will help.
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Why has the POA been activated if your friend is lucid? If she can get ahold of a lawyer and establish herself as competent, she can begin to maneuver herself into assuming responsibility for herself.
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PeeWee57 Feb 2021
Depends on what type of POA was given. If it's a durable POA, it is effective immediately, not after one is deemed incompetent. A durable POA can be revoked if the grantor wishes.
This forum is full of posts from people whose stubborn parents won't accept care or won't move into a facility, despite them having dementia or high physical needs or living in unsafe conditions. I suggest that your friend needs to be her own advocate, if she wasn't willing to plead her own case and out her son to the authorities that might have helped her then I'm afraid there is little you can do for her. Tread carefully lest you be banished and she loses her friend, but begin to photograph, record and document every infraction.
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