Are there "stages" of accepting that you're dying?

Hi Pepsee. How did it go with the spiritual counselor last Friday? Did your mom talk to him/her?

Last year when my mom was very sick and close to dying, and we all thought she was, my mother kept saying my late father came to visit her everyday. One time in particular, she fainted, and I was tending to her at her bed, she came to, and told me.my late father was standing at the foot of her bed. I looked and saw nothing. I told her no one was there. She pointed and insisted that he was there looking at her. Again I said no. Then I saw him, in the mirror, leaving the room through the window of her bedroom. My blood just turned cold.

The next few weeks or months, my mom still saw him, but as she recovered and got stronger, she didn't mention him anymore.

This was the first time I actually saw a spirit. But I have witnessed an injured and bedridden person suddenly got up and walked to chair when a spirit entered her body and took over. The spirit then spoke to us in a different voice. After that the spirit left, she collapsed and had to be carried back to bed.

I also have read books about near death experience, ghosts, and reincarnation. Until I actually experienced it, it was just a belief. I now I know spirits exist.

Our spirits leave the bodies when we die but our souls live on in the spiritual realm. I have no idea how it is on the other side, but I will find out when I get there. It does make me a little less afraid of death. It's not the end, it's a beginning of another existence.

Oh Annie, hang in there. I wish I could give you a real hug.😔

Polarbear,
Thank you so much, that puts my mind at ease!!

Umm, maybe someday you might decide to share your experience with me? I have lots of books on NDA's. Even before my Mom got sick ,this was a passion of mine.
If you're comfortable, if not, I understand.💖

Pepsee - Your mother is an angel. When the time comes for her to pass, she will unite with her loved ones in God's presence and she will watch over you. I don't just believe that, I know that because you two have a special bond. And because I know the afterlife exists. I had seen it with my own eyes. Good byes here on earth are only temporary. 

Tell your mother she is not dying, she is only going to say Good-Bye until you meet again.

(((HUG)))

Pepsee: So true! LOL

My mother is sleeping 22 out of 24 hours. Can barely swallow- if you call it that, or eat., is down to 84 lbs and asked me tonight "what was wrong with her?" OMG Hospice is in place and Im not sure if she totally gets it or not at this point

Xina, I'm so sorry for your lost. I hope you'll find peace knowing Mom's finally at rest.💕🌷Thank you for sharing a part of you with us!

Lost, I'm sitting here thinking, how I'd feel in MIL's place. I think I'd be feeling the same way, let's get it over with already. But who really knows, right? Xoxo

My mil has ALL of the same signs. I guess I don't understand the process of passing, but I believe that she is in the denial phase. She says things like she "has pulled her plug" and "I don't understand why they haven't come to get me yet". She lays in her bed and stares at the ceiling. My husband and I have both told her only He knows when the "right " time is, but it is almost like she is "willing " it to happen based on things she has said in the past and has done and continues to do. :( it's all very sad. And makes me very sad.

My mother, who died May 25th, never admitted she was dying and got upset if I tried to talk to her about it. She bounced back from so many dire illnesses and close calls that I started to think she was immortal!

Things took a big turn for the worse in the last 2 weeks of her life, and I think she knew, even if she wouldn't admit it. She did the classic end-of-life things, including calling out fot her mother in the middle of the night, talking about seeing a white light, and wanting to go to church to "pray for us all." She was a lapsed Catholic, so this was a surprise in a way.

In a padded room...lolol😆

Lost: Thank you! Yes, acceptance comes in many forms. Praise God for this forum, else where would we be?

Pepsee: Thank you! It did me as well when it happened. It so helps us to share here.

Oh Pam, I'm sure your heart is breaking. I'm sorry.💕Thank you for sharing your time and situation with me. The help from EVERYONE on this thread helps me more then anyone knows.

I feel like I'm going thru that same rollercoaster ride. My mom is not doing well, going downhill fast. She has a body frame that has given out and she's given up totally on even trying. She's not eating much and somewhat dehydrated. She's 83 and says she's ready. Why is God not taking her yet she asks. That's the hardest thing to see is someone you love dearly tell you that, but I totally get it. I keep telling her there's a reason, and I'm learning what I need to from her, learning how to make my life better so I can reach her age. It's a hard process to go through but we all do. Just be there for your mom, God is still with you.

That killed me also, Llama.
And as I said earlier, the hits just keep coming.

Oh God that kills me Llamalover.🌹

Thank you for sharing that with me Marylou88....💖

My last acceptance was when one solitary tear rolled down my late mother's face after she'd had the stroke. Now mind you, she was non verbal at this point SO that tear was ACCEPTANCE, i.e. "Goodbye."

In the weeks before my Mom died, she would talk about the dreams she was having. She would see her Dad, who she loved very much, her mother and her brothers. Sometimes she would say that they were just there or having coffee or something. When I asked if they said anything, she said no they were just laughing and having a good time. Other times my Mom would tell me that there was a long line of people going through her room at night, and they kept her up. She had a very strong faith and was not afraid of dying. She knew that she would be with loved ones that have been gone a long time. Thinking of them was easier, I guess than remembering that she had so many grandchildren, great grandchildren, nieces, and nephews, and even children that didn't visit her. So yes, there are many stages to grief and it just depends on the day and time of which stage you will be in. The journey is a difficult one, and we go through the stages, too. I was really wanting for her to live a lot longer, but her last words were "I'm so tired". Good luck on your journey Pepsee.

Thank you ALL so very much!

Teri4077,
I know EXACTLY what you mean!

AnniePeepie,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this also. There's just something about losing a Mom. Feels like part of ourselves are going too. That's how it feels to me. I'm always here for you too, if you need an ear. 💕

Cmagnum,
Thank you for the reminder, I get so caught up in looking at the situation outside of myself, I forget to look in. I forget to be still and know....💖

Yes, and the world goes on. In some ways that's hard for me right now. I am focused on Mom, and I keep receiving work-related emails as if life is normal. I'm lucky to be able to work on-line this summer and be with Mom. Occasionally people will notice my out-of-office autoreply and say, "oh, I hope your mom gets better". No, she won't. And I want to say, "leave me alone and don't bother me with your petty concerns of the world." But I still have a 60 hour a week job to do.... :(

yes there are stages of acceptance. Hospice has some interesting info about it- and I think yes again, everyone is so different so that there are stages of different emotions to go through. Pepsee, my mom is dying as well, and I'm not sure she "gets it". I , like you am going through all these crazy roller coaster of emotions.

My aunt, while dying, said to me "I don't feel like I'm dying. I feel like everyone I know and love is going to die." I can't even imagine how sad it would be to feel that.
I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this now. It's hard.

Pepsee, My heart aches for you and your beloved mom as you go through this journey! Sending each of you hugs, prayers for peace of mind and spirit, and quiet moments of shared joy and love!!!

I am so sorry that you and your mom are going through this crazy, sucky, process. And the hits keep coming, the world keeps spinning, yada, yada, yada...

My heart is breaking for you & your mom - and you both stay in my prayers. Definitely meet YOUR needs and see the pastor, hopefully she will want to see him too. Perhaps would help if she likes music to have music (Christian?) playing in background - to match the mood you WANT her to have. Going back and forth with the stages/emotions totally "normal". Try to keep POSITIVE things around - for both of you. Are you both able to get out & about at all, doing ENJOYABLE things, visiting, etc.? Diffusing doTERRA Essential Oils should help as well. She needs rest, positive activities (physical, emotional, spiritual), to stay hydrated & to eat (even if only a little at a time - for a number of times/throughout the day).

Sending you peaceful thoughts Pepsee - this is a hard rollercoaster indeed.

With my Mom she is mostly just so very very very tired. I am thankful that she has no pain, and she also doesn't seem to have fear. I think the massive fatigue just makes her want it to be over - which is, in a way, a good thing. At least she seems at peace with where this is going.

Sometimes I will ask her if I can get her anything and she will say "do you have a gun?". :(

Pepsee,
This is the really hard part for Everyone! My MIL came to our house in the country to live and die here on the farm in the end. She was not here long at all before hospice was brought in. My husband's family helped some, but it came down to she and I mostly at night. She had good faith but near the end, she would panic and worry about going to Heaven, leaving her grown children, unfinished business so to speak. Wanted to see everyone of course. Some days chipper, some sad, mostly all over the place about was Everything Done. She did not have Alzheimer's like my Mom does. She was just 90 and her body was shutting down. I think we all would have all these emotions if we have any mind left and time to contemplate before our ending. I just wanted you to know that I think it's all normal. My Mom is so mixed up and she says she wants to go to sleep and not wake up too sometimes. Other days she says she will snap out of this and get better. You both have all the emotions and stages we all have. And They do waffle back and forth. Sending you lots of love today!

Pepsee, the only true comfort I get is through my bible belief and in actually sitting and studying scripture dispensationally. Feelings come and go, and for the believer, it is not really about feelings anyway, since we walk by faith and not by sight. I can recommend a good website, graceambassadors.com. Nice bunch of people. There aren't many subjects these folks don't cover on their audio/video page with outlines you can print out. I'd drive to the church myself twice a week, but it's too far away (Swayzee, Indiana). There's a good recent series entitled "How to Talk to Your Friends About..." including one about tragedy, suffering and pain. The you tube video is here: youtube.com/watch?v=lLRJfPiG08I&list=PLESaU36LHAs0Zt6pSLXkQs-WI7_-HwL2J&index=18

I"ll keep you in my prayers.