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Like stages of grief....?
I'm sure some never accept it. What I'm seeing is like Mom is on an emotional roller coaster.


She's wanting to live to, see her grandkids grow up. Then, to see them just one more time. Lately it's, "I just can't take this anymore." Sometimes it's, "I just want to be normal again." The hardest to hear is the, "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up."


This struggle is real. She's looked in my eyes and said, "I'm really dying right?" Other times I get, "I don't want to die."


The beautiful ones are when she's holding my hand and she catches me crying, she'll perk right up and sternly say, "No no I'll bounce back, don't cry, it WILL be ok." (Hey all, meet my Mom!) Yeah, totally Mom mode there.


Just wondering if she'll come to accept she's dying. I guess no one really knows since everyone is different.


I'm so mad, I want to put my head through a wall! I want to curse, scream, cry, throw sh*t, throw up and howl.....yeah I actually want to howl!!!


(Speaking of an emotional roller coaster)

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I think the stages of grief fit very well: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And I know that many never get to the acceptance stage, or even past the denial.
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Thank you Cwillie.
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This is me right now! I feel so bad because I sometimes will talk stern to my Mom because I wish she would, "snap out of it!" But she can't, its not her fault, and we have to work with what we got!
I will pray for us both!
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Hi Onlychild82,
I totally get it. My Mom went downhill so fast it was crazy. At some points I thought she was faking it. Well some of it. But now she's on hospice, no faking at all. Be patient, I know it's tough.

BIG CYBER HUGGZ 2U🤗
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Pepsee,
I think that those who are dying also grieve and go through the various stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A person can jump from one stage to another stage depending on their current emotions. Sometimes as a person “prepares for death”, they attempt to finish a life’s work, set things right with family and friends, make peace with the inevitable, participate in religious or family rituals, and thus achieve a deep sense of peace with the help of family, friends, and sometimes clergy.
I am sorry to hear about your Mom. I hope that Hospice is helpful to her and to you. {{Hugs}}
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Oh Pepsee! I’m so sorry! It does sound like your mom is grieving. When MIL was on hospice, it absolutely felt like a rollercoaster to me! There is no other way to describe it. And wow even though I wasn’t the one dying, I felt the same emotions you describe your mom having. Sometimes I just couldn’t believe it. Sometimes I overcome with sadness. Sometimes when she seemed to be doing well, eating a lot and her breathing was stable, I felt hope, I thought maybe she wasn’t as bad off as the dr said and she’d make it to the end of the year after all. And then there were times, before she got reallt bad, where I felt desperation, that there must be something we can do to keep her alive longer. I have no idea what she felt, she was a stoic woman and she never let on what she was feeling, at least not to us kids. I sensed she was angry. But she kept her grief private.
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Dee,
Thank you. I know now it sound stupid, but I always thought when a person finished one stage they'd be done with it and move to the next. Not jumping back and forth through them. Sounds so ridiculous because I know emotions are crazy.

The spiritual councilor will be here Friday. I doubt Mom will want to talk to him, but I NEED to. I need God right now so much, but I just can't feel Him anymore.

Worried,
Me and Mom have always been amazingly connected.... to a fault. What she felt, I felt and vice versa. So I totally get what you went through.

This poor soul doesn't even call for me anymore. When she wakes up, she just lays there. She doesn't eat, doesn't drink and she only pee's once, every 24 hrs. 

This, by far, is the hardest thing I've ever done. 
Thank you ladies for taking the time to help me.
HUGGZ 🤗 to you both💕🌹
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I hope you both find peace soon
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Thank you Wally, to you and your Mom as well.
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"I need God right now so much, but I just can't feel Him anymore." Not being able to feel God's presence is normal in your circumstances. Just because you can't feel God's presence does not mean that he is not there. Remember that faith and feelings don't always match together. Be still and trust.
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Pepsee, this sounds like what my husband is doing right now. I want to tell him to 'stop it' get with it...get moving, stop it! But I don't.
He has become so withdrawn and when we do talk he laments that he just needs to get 'better' he just needs to feel 'better' one more time.
We both know he is dying a bit at a time. He is depressed.

He is sad, he wishes he'd just go in his sleep. Most of all, I think he is tired of being alive and struggling each day along with slowly losing his mental capabilities.

Here is a hug, I know what you are going through ... I think.
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Hi Val,
Big HUGGZ 🤗 Back!
Yep, that's just what she's going through.

What a horrible feeling to be so helpless.
Talk it out, cry it out, scream it out. That's all I can do, so I don't fall in to a dark depressed hole myself.

I'm always here if you need me.💖🌹
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Pepsee, I do feel helpless at times, however we also have a small farm, so I take my frustrations out on the fencing and chores along with physical labor.

Thank you.
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Pepsee, the only true comfort I get is through my bible belief and in actually sitting and studying scripture dispensationally. Feelings come and go, and for the believer, it is not really about feelings anyway, since we walk by faith and not by sight. I can recommend a good website, graceambassadors.com. Nice bunch of people. There aren't many subjects these folks don't cover on their audio/video page with outlines you can print out. I'd drive to the church myself twice a week, but it's too far away (Swayzee, Indiana). There's a good recent series entitled "How to Talk to Your Friends About..." including one about tragedy, suffering and pain. The you tube video is here: youtube.com/watch?v=lLRJfPiG08I&list=PLESaU36LHAs0Zt6pSLXkQs-WI7_-HwL2J&index=18

I"ll keep you in my prayers.
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Pepsee,
This is the really hard part for Everyone! My MIL came to our house in the country to live and die here on the farm in the end. She was not here long at all before hospice was brought in. My husband's family helped some, but it came down to she and I mostly at night. She had good faith but near the end, she would panic and worry about going to Heaven, leaving her grown children, unfinished business so to speak. Wanted to see everyone of course. Some days chipper, some sad, mostly all over the place about was Everything Done. She did not have Alzheimer's like my Mom does. She was just 90 and her body was shutting down. I think we all would have all these emotions if we have any mind left and time to contemplate before our ending. I just wanted you to know that I think it's all normal. My Mom is so mixed up and she says she wants to go to sleep and not wake up too sometimes. Other days she says she will snap out of this and get better. You both have all the emotions and stages we all have. And They do waffle back and forth. Sending you lots of love today!
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Sending you peaceful thoughts Pepsee - this is a hard rollercoaster indeed.

With my Mom she is mostly just so very very very tired. I am thankful that she has no pain, and she also doesn't seem to have fear. I think the massive fatigue just makes her want it to be over - which is, in a way, a good thing. At least she seems at peace with where this is going.

Sometimes I will ask her if I can get her anything and she will say "do you have a gun?". :(
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My heart is breaking for you & your mom - and you both stay in my prayers. Definitely meet YOUR needs and see the pastor, hopefully she will want to see him too. Perhaps would help if she likes music to have music (Christian?) playing in background - to match the mood you WANT her to have. Going back and forth with the stages/emotions totally "normal". Try to keep POSITIVE things around - for both of you. Are you both able to get out & about at all, doing ENJOYABLE things, visiting, etc.? Diffusing doTERRA Essential Oils should help as well. She needs rest, positive activities (physical, emotional, spiritual), to stay hydrated & to eat (even if only a little at a time - for a number of times/throughout the day).
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I am so sorry that you and your mom are going through this crazy, sucky, process. And the hits keep coming, the world keeps spinning, yada, yada, yada...
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Pepsee, My heart aches for you and your beloved mom as you go through this journey! Sending each of you hugs, prayers for peace of mind and spirit, and quiet moments of shared joy and love!!!
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My aunt, while dying, said to me "I don't feel like I'm dying. I feel like everyone I know and love is going to die." I can't even imagine how sad it would be to feel that.
I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this now. It's hard.
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yes there are stages of acceptance. Hospice has some interesting info about it- and I think yes again, everyone is so different so that there are stages of different emotions to go through. Pepsee, my mom is dying as well, and I'm not sure she "gets it". I , like you am going through all these crazy roller coaster of emotions.
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Yes, and the world goes on. In some ways that's hard for me right now. I am focused on Mom, and I keep receiving work-related emails as if life is normal. I'm lucky to be able to work on-line this summer and be with Mom. Occasionally people will notice my out-of-office autoreply and say, "oh, I hope your mom gets better". No, she won't. And I want to say, "leave me alone and don't bother me with your petty concerns of the world." But I still have a 60 hour a week job to do.... :(
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AnniePeepie,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this also. There's just something about losing a Mom. Feels like part of ourselves are going too. That's how it feels to me. I'm always here for you too, if you need an ear. 💕

Cmagnum,
Thank you for the reminder, I get so caught up in looking at the situation outside of myself, I forget to look in. I forget to be still and know....💖
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Teri4077,
I know EXACTLY what you mean!
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Thank you ALL so very much!
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In the weeks before my Mom died, she would talk about the dreams she was having. She would see her Dad, who she loved very much, her mother and her brothers. Sometimes she would say that they were just there or having coffee or something. When I asked if they said anything, she said no they were just laughing and having a good time. Other times my Mom would tell me that there was a long line of people going through her room at night, and they kept her up. She had a very strong faith and was not afraid of dying. She knew that she would be with loved ones that have been gone a long time. Thinking of them was easier, I guess than remembering that she had so many grandchildren, great grandchildren, nieces, and nephews, and even children that didn't visit her. So yes, there are many stages to grief and it just depends on the day and time of which stage you will be in. The journey is a difficult one, and we go through the stages, too. I was really wanting for her to live a lot longer, but her last words were "I'm so tired". Good luck on your journey Pepsee.
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My last acceptance was when one solitary tear rolled down my late mother's face after she'd had the stroke. Now mind you, she was non verbal at this point SO that tear was ACCEPTANCE, i.e. "Goodbye."
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Oh God that kills me Llamalover.🌹

Thank you for sharing that with me Marylou88....💖
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That killed me also, Llama.
And as I said earlier, the hits just keep coming.
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I feel like I'm going thru that same rollercoaster ride. My mom is not doing well, going downhill fast. She has a body frame that has given out and she's given up totally on even trying. She's not eating much and somewhat dehydrated. She's 83 and says she's ready. Why is God not taking her yet she asks. That's the hardest thing to see is someone you love dearly tell you that, but I totally get it. I keep telling her there's a reason, and I'm learning what I need to from her, learning how to make my life better so I can reach her age. It's a hard process to go through but we all do. Just be there for your mom, God is still with you.
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