I am new to the caregiving of the elderly and need some expertise suggestions. Is there a good, correct way to help my mother get a shower? She forgets how to do this and I have never helped an adult.

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Here's the link to the great shower debate. Everybody here has dealt with just about everything so you are in the right place.

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This is a previous post from a thread dedicated to bathing.

My mom did the same, fighting the clean! I had to tell her that she smelled bad. Just is. One of my problems is that I don't do stink. I will literally throw up.
Mom was enraged that I would dare to tell her that she stank but if I was going to get through this we had to address this issue and fast.

I gave her a spritz with Febreeze to be able to get near her and I only had to do that once.

We have worked through our issues and now she gets a shower every other day unless something happens to break that pattern (accident, real hot out).
Every morning she gets a sink wash and clean clothes for the day and she is much happier now because I tell her that a 'sweet smelling mama is always welcome everywhere'.

I know that it is considered 'rude' to tell someone when they smell bad but in my book it is way more rude to have to put up with stench and breath and yuk. The bathing issue was not open for discussion, period. It was tough love all the way but I refused to live with a stinky mama.

Mom 'acted out' when I first started bathing her, acting like I was killing her, and that went on for a few months but I kept the humor going, talking about the different parts as I was scrubbing them. there's the face, the chicken titties, the 'area', the drumsticks, etc.
Here's something that can really work: get one of those handheld shower massage heads. When mom realized that her sore spots got some first class attention, (she has scoliosis) and that she had some pain relief she was really into it.
I also put beautiful grab bars and a nice shower chair in the tub so she feels secure. The fear of falling can keep someone out of the tub for good reason and then you do the cat's bath in the sink.

oh..and my mom used to get uti's all the time but since I've been scrubbing her, not once! With the dementia sometimes they wipe the wrong way and really cause themselves problems. Her 'area' is clean and shiny!! This is also a way to stay on top of things like bedsores, etc. Old people get infections on their skin because nobody ever saw the bedsore get started in the first place because mom or dad won't let anyone touch them.

this is so totally wierd, but what are we supposed to do?

Good luck. Aside from dropping her off at a do it yourself car wash with a roll of quarters.....

Be good to yourself,
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