From time-to-time, caregivers do get burned out and they need a break to have some R&R.
I believe that Medicare covers respite care. Call your mother’s medical insurance company and ask if respite care is covered for your mother and get information on the facility that would accept her.
I did that for my husband when my sister and I traveled back East to visit family. He didn't like it, but in the end I found he helped the staff, put chairs out for meetings, and other helpful tasks that would not injure him. I also learned he sat in a chair instead of joining others in play, slept, as he usually did anyway during the day and night, In the end, he didn't remember much of my absence, but was glad to see me. He thought I went to the doctor for an appointment. You can see he was quite demented already by what I wrote here. I had told him he was going on vacation to a nice place. BUT, when I got back to AZ, I stayed the night with him in the facility so I didn't have to drive in the dark the 30+ miles home. The next morning when he went to put suitcase in the car, he got lost returning to the room. It was then I knew he was ready for assisted living as he would start going out of the house as he did the "apartment" of the facility he did the respite care. The only negative thing I had on this was due to his memory loss, which was at the time slight, he did go out for walks himself. Upon my return I realized he was more far gone in memory than I admitted, and it scared me I had him there for 3 weeks. It was then I talked with his doctor again, gave him examples of memory loss, and what I did to protect him. Not long after that I found a place closer to my residence he could go to for assisted living. He tried with all his might to unlock the doors there. I took a chance putting him in a place for respite care when I went away, that only had independent living respite care rooms. But, I talked with him every night on the phone, he was always out of breath, I listened to his stories of how he shot rifles in the "woods" (not so-he didn't have a gun); another night he told me he was playing baseball with the guards. All "stories". After my return I had him given memory loss tests which he tested positive, and started him on medications for that, and a few years later, placed him in assisted living. When he tried to get in the car to drive, I locked both of our sets of keys in the safe, including the house key. I changed the combination of the safe at that time. He tore the house apart to find his lost keys. I only got the keys out when I was going out, with or without him to shop or medical appts. I knew his habits when he left the house (walking around the block) and gradually either went with him or got him interested in something in the house. It's really worse than watching a 3 yr old try to open the door to get out. They struggle and finally give up. But, with an adult, he even tried to take down the door, as he couldn't find his keys. It's kind of 150% of the time watching a demented person, not a walk in the park. When he left the home too many times, or took the right of way when he was still driving. I looked for a nice place for him for assisted living--FOR HIS SAFETY, NOT MINE!!! A caregiver must be strong, but proactive, into what the demented is capable of and if he will be hurt, would he/she hurt others, would he cause an accident with a death, and decide, an institution is the right place for that loved one. HARD TO ACCEPT AS THE CAREGIVER, BUT FOR THE PATIENT'S SAFETY, NECESSARY. Hope my story helps with answers to similar issues. More than 10 years of this behavior. I survived!!! In my Phoenix area, we had one or two old Brookdale facilities that had memory and assisted living departments. He was accepted with note from doctor, for the 3 weeks for respite care. I called long in advance for he appointment duration. I was told he mostly sat in a chair in the open area when others were doing games, but otherwise was okay. He constantly looked out the window for me to come for him. The door is locked, so he couldn't get out, but they took for walks, escorted to dining room, played games, he helped set up chairs for groups, etc. He thought he was working.
I checked with an assisted living facility here, and they do it. However, the fee is $150 per day, with a two week minimum stay. They said this is because it still takes a lot of paperwork and effort to get someone admitted. That may be other places are less or allow for a few more days stay.
I had the same issue. I contacted a few different nursing homes in the area. Some of them do respite care. It was such a relief knowing that my mom was looked after. Perhaps you have nursing homes in your area that do the same. Check with more than one. Pricing differs as do amenities. Best Wishes.
Many facilities give respite care. I hope you will call in your area and see if you can find a good fit for your elder.
I am uncertain from what you say whether it is that your mother is perfectly able to stay alone while you are on a trip, and just doesn't care to, or whether she is at risk, in need in some way, and unABLE to stay alone. That makes all the difference here, to tell the truth.
I know the nursing home where my mother eventually ended up had a few independent living cottages they'd rent out for short periods of time. My folks lived in one for about three months while we were having their house remodeled, and they were only charged $35/night, although I think that was a "friend of the family"-type amount. I do know the regular price wasn't very high, though.
You might call around to see if any of the places in her area have such a set-up.
Honestly if you are a caregiver for mom the object of a vacation is to get away. I would look for a facility near you and ask about placing her for Respite Stay. She would be in a facility at the level of care that she needs (AL, MC, or Skilled Nursing) and you and the family can enjoy some time to yourselves.
I would look into an Assisted Living facility before a NH facility. NHs are a little depressing for someone who is with it. By the time I placed Mom she was in her own little world surrounded by like people. Shewas very well cared for.
You may have to place her a week at a time. If not, thats what I would do. You go for a long weekend with the kids to the beach, they go home you stay the rest of the week. If Mom has money and ends up enjoying the AL, you can make arrangements for her to stay.
When Mom wants u to do something she is capable of doing, you tell her "Mom you are capable of doing that by yourself" She is not living with you so she has a slave. How would you treat a child that constantly wanted attention. You would tell them you did not have time right now so go find something to do till ur done.
My Mom had a room on our lower floor. It was big enough for her bed, her chair, dresser and TV. She had a bathroom to herself. There was 6 steps up to the main floor. I got her upbin the morning, dressed her and gave her breakfast in her room. Also lunch. The afternoon she spent in her room and I spent in my Den. My DH asked why I did not have her up with me. Because I needed that downtime. I am not an entertainer. Holding a lucid conversation with her was not going to happen. Dinner time she was brought up for dinner or we went out. We all sat and watched TV together until she wanted to go to bed. Eventually, we tried Adult Care. Theycoicked her up at 8am and dropped her off about 3pm. Gave me time to get a nice shower. Breakfast with my DH out and run some errands. I did this for 3x a week Mon, Wed, and Friday.
I believe that Medicare covers respite care. Call your mother’s medical insurance company and ask if respite care is covered for your mother and get information on the facility that would accept her.
In my Phoenix area, we had one or two old Brookdale facilities that had memory and assisted living departments. He was accepted with note from doctor, for the 3 weeks for respite care. I called long in advance for he appointment duration. I was told he mostly sat in a chair in the open area when others were doing games, but otherwise was okay. He constantly looked out the window for me to come for him. The door is locked, so he couldn't get out, but they took for walks, escorted to dining room, played games, he helped set up chairs for groups, etc. He thought he was working.
Perhaps you have nursing homes in your area that do the same. Check with more than one. Pricing differs as do amenities.
Best Wishes.
I am uncertain from what you say whether it is that your mother is perfectly able to stay alone while you are on a trip, and just doesn't care to, or whether she is at risk, in need in some way, and unABLE to stay alone. That makes all the difference here, to tell the truth.
You might call around to see if any of the places in her area have such a set-up.
I would look for a facility near you and ask about placing her for Respite Stay.
She would be in a facility at the level of care that she needs (AL, MC, or Skilled Nursing) and you and the family can enjoy some time to yourselves.
You may have to place her a week at a time. If not, thats what I would do. You go for a long weekend with the kids to the beach, they go home you stay the rest of the week. If Mom has money and ends up enjoying the AL, you can make arrangements for her to stay.
When Mom wants u to do something she is capable of doing, you tell her "Mom you are capable of doing that by yourself" She is not living with you so she has a slave. How would you treat a child that constantly wanted attention. You would tell them you did not have time right now so go find something to do till ur done.
My Mom had a room on our lower floor. It was big enough for her bed, her chair, dresser and TV. She had a bathroom to herself. There was 6 steps up to the main floor. I got her upbin the morning, dressed her and gave her breakfast in her room. Also lunch. The afternoon she spent in her room and I spent in my Den. My DH asked why I did not have her up with me. Because I needed that downtime. I am not an entertainer. Holding a lucid conversation with her was not going to happen. Dinner time she was brought up for dinner or we went out. We all sat and watched TV together until she wanted to go to bed. Eventually, we tried Adult Care. Theycoicked her up at 8am and dropped her off about 3pm. Gave me time to get a nice shower. Breakfast with my DH out and run some errands. I did this for 3x a week Mon, Wed, and Friday.