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Sorry to be doom and gloom!!


Today I received the diagnosis of colon cancer. Not sure yet what stage. Even though everyone was telling me that my "symptoms " were nothing to worry about, I somehow knew. I have the feeling that things are gonna get worse before they hopefully get better.


My biggest concern is the care of my Aunt!!


Her son is in a homeless shelter or under a bridge. My 2 brothers have huge financial issues (tax liens).


In the event that my health goes south, who can I trust with my Aunt's affairs??


My husband says he would take over her financials, but I don't think he realizes the extent of what I do. He's a busy man.


How could he become POA without my Aunt's signature?


Have any of you delt with this?

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I am so sorry that you are facing this challenge on top of everything else.

May God give you a complete healing and strength during this difficult time.

Great big warm hug and prayers!

Can you write down everything that you do, a procedure manual, and then ask your husband if he really wants to handle it while he is supporting you through treatment and recovery. Add your husband to the accounts that you are on.

I would get everything automated that you can and then research fudiciaries to handle the unknown. They charge by the hour, around 160.00 hourly is average and they are licensed through the superior court. As POA you can hire a representative for your aunt. This could be your husband or a licensed fudiciary, your choice.

You can beat this lady!
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I'm so sorry to hear this ((hugs)).
At this point it doesn't sound as though your aunt is competent to assign a new POA - does the current one not designate any secondary? As POA you don't have to do everything yourself, you are free to hire or assign people to carry out tasks. I've never understood what people are doing as POA that they find so onerous, for me taking care of my mom's affairs was never that difficult? I'd start with a list of all the things you are doing currently, then you can decide which are not necessary, which can be paid automatically, what can be hired out, what your husband can take over.
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xrayjodib May 2020
Cwillie,
It's not that I feel "onerous".
My brother is also on the POA.
He and my other brother have huge financial issues. Again Tax Liens.
My brother (dual POA), was executor of my father's estate. Because my brothers name was on estate account the Government seized the funds for back taxes.
So this is why neither one of my brothers are able to take over my Aunts finances.
My husband is willing, however, I have no idea how to "legally " make him responsible in the event that I am not able.
Maybe it's easier for you being next of kin?
In this situation the only son is mentally ill and has a restraining order against him on my Aunts behalf.
The proceeds from the sale of her home are in an account in her name with me as an authorized user. Unless I authorize someone else, what will happen if something happens to me?
Do you see my dilemma?
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Seek legal advice. I assigned my husband fiduciary rights over my 97 year old mom in case something happens to me. I am her legal guardian.
If nothing is done then the courts can appoint someone. Usually it becomes a lawyer. If your aunt has assets, you can appoint a trusted lawyer or other professional as well. Just get it on paper
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jodib -
HOLY S&#%!!!! I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I don't have any experience in this area, but what I can do is send healing thoughts and virtual hugs to you. (big hug)
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xrayjodib May 2020
squee2000
Thanks!!
It may sound strange, but this is the one place I feel safe for venting. Anonymous!
I thought things couldn't get any worse after becoming responsible for my Aunt and my Mother.
Guess I was wrong!!
I love the fact that we caregivers can all come here and bare our souls! It's therapeutic.
I am so grateful for everyone on this site!
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Is your aunt still legally competent? She can have an Alzheimer's diagnosis and still be considered competent legally. If she is, she can appoint your husband as contingent POA. If she is not, you- as her POA- can't give the POA to anyone else. If you can't act as POA, the courts will have to appoint someone to act as a guardian for her.

Write down a list of the tasks you do for your aunt. Can any of them be automated? There are bill paying services and financial planners that can oversee things for you while you concentrate on your recovery.

I wish you a complete recovery from this scary diagnosis.
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Alicew234 May 2020
Oh! And if your aunt has enough money, you can hire an Aging Care Specialist to oversee things like her caregivers and living situation needs. They won't be able to do financial POA things but the 100 other items you take care of for your aunt could be managed. They can go to doctor appointments with her or make sure she gets her hair done- things like that.
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I'm so sorry for your recent diagnosis. My heart goes out to you at this already trying time with the Pandemic. I believe you can add a contingent POA to your POA without having to scrap the existing legal paperwork which is already in place. It may be a less expensive alternative to starting from scratch with an entirely new document. Call the attorney that set up the original POA and discuss that option.
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caroli1 May 2020
I believe that if a person is currently incompetent to assign a POA, the person can't sign a contingent POA, either. An attorney wouldn't be able to help, since your aunt would have to sign the contingent POA herself
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Yes. Our estate lawyer knew of firms that specialize in this as they run into it all the time for clients with no one they can depend on. They do charge a fee of course. That is the route we went.
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xray: Sending you wishes for a full recovery.
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Here is something important to consider for POA before an emergency happens. When you set up the original POA, have at least two contingencies, can be friends and relatives, to sign documents along with the primary. That is how my family and I handled it for my late mother. I pray the best works out for you to save legal expenses.
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xrayjodib-- I'm very sorry to hear your news. I'm glad you have a room to come to, 7/24, here in AgingCare land. I look forward to reading the responses from others. I, too, am embarking on life-planning 'stuff', since I'm newly 65, newly single, and I've shared ad nauseum here, no family (even though I have two living sisters).
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